my sons father new wife acts like shes my son mother what can i do?

Haylin - posted on 04/18/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Well first of i put child support on my baby father about 6 yrs ago and he started pay last yr @ july and stopped on January of this yr 2015. i haven't received anything ever since what can i do? Now his new wife is always bugging in like if she was my son mother and just recently she called the cops on me cause my baby father's missed his weekend and i wouldn't allow him to pick him up any more. What is the best thing to do im so tier of her getting involved if she has no business in this. we spoke but just make it worse we had an argument and i just cant get along with him or her . Need good advice pls.

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Cutemommy - posted on 04/20/2015

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Oh I see, I believe you could file for back child support for the times he missed. If he doesn't pay child support on time they can put a hold on his license and it also will be very negative on his credit. There is no excuse for him to have missed so much. Go to the court and have it adjusted. She was right for calling the cops especially if you were keeping his son from him, and any law enforcement and judge will tell you the same thing, even if you were morally justified to do it. It isn't fair for him to only pick his son up when he wants instead of when he is scheduled, make a calender and list the times he misses his dates and the days he gets your son so the courts can see exactly what is going on. Don't go in there just placing a lot blame, it starts to be just your word against his keep everything written down. It sounds like the communication is not going so well and the only thing that could help is a mediator, or a judge.

Ev - posted on 04/18/2015

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I think you need to do what the other ladies have mentioned to you. 1) He has visitation then if there are other court orders in place for custody and child support. 2) Child support and visitation are two different things and you can not withhold a child because dad does not pay what he needs to. Take it to court or child support enforcement and let them deal with how it is to become done. 3) If you want to go by the court orders 100% then that means he gets his weekends and holidays and summer visits and you get yours. In some states the rosters are just a suggested visitation roster and can be amended by the parents if they can get along. Mine even stated that if a parent missed a weekend that it could not be made up. What you need to both do is to call one another when a weekend might become a problem on visits for whatever reason and work something out. We sometimes switched weekends because of that so that the parents could have the time. I also sometimes took his weekends because of other issues that the children did not need to be around (his second wife and he had a nasty last two months or more and I had them from the end of November to January on weekends until it was all done and over with.) 4) The step mom has no rights in making the legal decisions about the child but she is the step mother. Not all step moms are religiously evil as a lot of people would tell you. Some of them do love our children with all their hearts and make them feel like they are their own. So what is the problem with her loving your child as much as if he was hers. Someday you might be glad she was there when you might not be able to be. I wished my kids had a step mom that loved them that much but they got two of them that did not really care about them. So if this woman is being a mom to your son, let her be. He is getting the best of both worlds.

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Raye - posted on 04/20/2015

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I think the other ladies have said everything. You do have to let the child see his father. The boy is not a possession that you can keep to yourself. If the father missed his weekend, then he should still be able to see the boy on his next scheduled visitation.

Planning the visitation and making the major decisions should be between you and the boy's father. But if the father backs off to try to "keep the peace", I think it's good for the step-mom to get involved, because kids DO have a right to spend time with BOTH parents. The step-mom just seems to want what's fair for the child.

As far as child-support, you should take him back to court and see what they can do to get payments to you. You still can't withhold visitation because of it.

Haylin - posted on 04/18/2015

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The weekends that he didnt picked up my son just when ever he wanted to pick him up. i didn't think that was right. Why she had to called the cops on me i told her that i could've just had spoken to my ex about all this there was no reason to get to that level.

Cutemommy - posted on 04/18/2015

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It sounds like they love your son and they are fighting to see him, you should be happy. What exactly did you two argue about? What is she doing that is none of her business?

Dove - posted on 04/18/2015

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So the father has court ordered visitation? You HAVE to let him have that or the stepmother was right to call the police on you.

Haylin - posted on 04/18/2015

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Ok thanks.I do have custody and visitation of my son and i don't want his money i even though of taking him of child support but don't know if that would even be helpful with all this. I am married and he helps out a lot I'm thankful for that even though his not his child. So i don't know if that would be a good or bad thing to do to take him off. About his wife i will let her know that i don't have to speak to her in a polite way. Thank for your advice.

Dove - posted on 04/18/2015

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Do you have a court order for custody and visitation? If not... get one. You don't get to just refuse the father to see his child because he misses a weekend. You have no right to use your child as a pawn against your ex.

If he is not paying support... take it to court. They can garnish his wages if he works on the books... otherwise there isn't a lot they can do. My ex owes over $32,000 for our kids.

The best thing you can do is be civilized to his father and stepmother... get a court order for custody and visitation... and stick to it 100% (that means he should get his son for all visitations... but if he doesn't... you still hand over the kid on any that he DOES take). You don't really have any reason to have to talk to the stepmother... if she talks to you about anything other than the child you can ignore it. If she wants to talk about the child you can say 'I'll discuss that w/ his father. Thank you.'

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