My sons treat me like crap

Yvette - posted on 05/18/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi, I have three grown sons aged 24,22,& 19. None of them have respect for me, they talk down to be. When I try and talk to my sons they walk away mumbling. It kills them to talk to me, when they do they are rude. I blame it all on my husband for not speaking up to them when they are disrespectful. My husband is the man of the house and he should not allow his sons to treat their mom with disrespect. This bring me down really bad, I cry a lot and get depressed over this. I have asked them several times why they are the way they are with me. They either have no answer or just tell me I am weird. I stayed home with my three sons until my youngest went to school full days. I then went to work part time to full time. I went off work three years ago with depression, actually PTSD. Have not been to work since my last day. Had a rough three years. My depression made matters worse with my husband and kids. None of them understood, nor did they want to understand. I gave them all sorts of information on depression, Anxiety and PTSD. None of them bothered to read any of it including my husband. I feel so lost, I really do. Everyday I want to move out and go my own way but don't have the guts. My youngest one is the only one living home, my middle boy moved away for his job almost a year ago, my eldest moved out December past. I was the last to find out he was moving out. What have I done wrong besides love and adore my boys, and give them to much. My heart is broken. Please help me Please..

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Jodi - posted on 05/18/2015

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The way people treat you is not someone else's responsibility entirely, it is actually the responsibility of both you AND your husband and you both need to address it together. I am assuming you have talked to your husband about how you are feeling about this situation and he has done nothing? Maybe the two of you sitting down with a counsellor or family therapist could help you both onto the same page with this situation and develop a solution that works for both of you.

I do want to say, however, that sometimes when we have depression, we do tend to internalise things and make them more than they actually are. We tend to make things much more personal than they intend to be, so there may also be a little of this going on. Are you seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist for your depression? Is this something you can talk to them about to help you gain some perspective? I'm not saying this is definitely the issue, just that depression does seem to escalate these feelings. Depression can also cause a lot of reactions to everyday things that others will find upsetting or confusing, so maybe for 3 years they have seen this and feel distanced from you. I can't really say, but it is definitely something to bring up with your counsellor.

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Yvette - posted on 05/23/2015

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Hi Michelle,
I have been teaching my boys from a very young age to respect everyone especially women. When they became of age that they started dating, I warned them to treat their girlfriend with nothing but respect, do nice things for her, etc.
My husband worked a lot and never wanted to be the bad guy, no matter what they said or done he would never step up to the plate and help me with discipline. I was the teacher, disciplined, I done it all. My husband never showed me respect and the boys learned from the best, ever though I fought to teach them right from wrong. They are good boys other than how they treat me. Two of my sons had girlfriends for 4-5 years, the girlfriends left them due to not being treated with respect. I told my boys it would happen eventually , I told them you treat your women the way you treat your mother. I am a firm believer of that. Maybe I should have walked out years ago and give them a good fright. I love my sons dearly but it breaks my heart how they treat me and women in general.

Michelle - posted on 05/20/2015

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Anitamarie: It's probably better to start your own thread to ask a new question. Usually when you go into a thread and reply it's to the question asked in the original post.
All you have to do to start your own is to click on the "Start a conversation" button. Type in a title and then ask your question in the body.

Michelle,
WtCoM Mod.

Anitamarie - posted on 05/20/2015

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hi this is my first time , i am having issues with my 2 sons, my 14 yr.old has been diagnosed with odd, we have had him in couselling , several times, and he refuses to talk, has his rights as a 14 yr old.(so he says) i find it to be very frustrating, i come home from work , and i am walking on egg shells trying to avoid situations. i try my best , do everything for him, love my boys so much, and i feel the same way, what have i done wrong? my 16 yr. old just avoids us, i can't really blame him. my husband works afternoons, i do feel for you and hope the best for you

Michelle - posted on 05/20/2015

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How does your husband treat you? Have your sons learned from him how a woman "should be treated"? I only say should be because he is their role model and if he has no respect for you then they won't.
It's also not up to your husband to speak up when they disrespect you, you should have been teaching them from a very early age how women should be treated.

Yvette - posted on 05/19/2015

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Thank you Jodi and Kayla,
You both gave wonderful advice. Yes Jodi, my Psychologist did tell me I sometime over analyze and take things very personal. My issue has been going on for years, I have a few very close friends that tell me to get out of this situation. Being here with lack of support and disrespect from husband and kids is only making my depression worse. I have been told considering everything I have been through in my 50 yrs of life I am a very strong determined woman. To bad I do not see that. I joined another women's group today, it is about Mindfulness, helps you relax and think more positive. I really enjoyed it. I guess my self esteem is a bit low with all of the abuse I went through and still going through. Kids can be so cruel at times. I wonder do they realize how much I truly love them. They will always be my babies.. Xoxoxo. Thank you

Ohxbabyxitskayla - posted on 05/18/2015

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I'm so sorry for what you're going through sweetheart. I wish I could fix it for you. Do you have other people in your family like your mum, dad, or siblings that are there for you? Maybe you could live with one of them for a while? You shouldn't have to take such abuse. I understand they're your boys but you have to stick up for yourself and not let them walk all over you like that. Despite them being your children, they are adults now and they need to understand that it isn't okay to treat you with disrespect. At their age you would think they'd know better but like you said, their father doesn't step up and set an example of how a man should treat their mother or any other person for that matter. My heart aches for you as I understand loneliness and feeling as if no one understands your pain. Just know that suffering cannot last forever and you can get through this. You're strong. Believe it. ❤❤❤

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