my soon to be 15 year old daughter told me she had sex for the first time.

Christine - posted on 10/30/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




my soon to be 15 year old daughter told me she had sex in the park bathroom accross the street from her high school and is acting like there is no rules . iam out of ideas on how to controll her. she had even spent some time out of town and just got back 2weeks ago and already she is testing boundaries. she lost tv and has been grounded to the house didnt even bother her. any ideas would be helpfull. i also have three other children that see her acting out. she is the oldest and only girl.


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Rachel - posted on 10/30/2012




I have three younger sisters whose ages are 20, 17, and 11. The 17-year-old is pregnant (due in February: this is her senior year of high school). Rewind to when she was just a week shy of 14. My (now)20-year-old sister calls me freaking out, saying the 13-year-old had sex. I called her and she confirmed this was true, but her reply was, "What's the big deal? It's just my body." I knew this was NOT a mindset instilled by anyone in our home. I tried to be a good big sister and tell her to be responsible. Within weeks she slipped into a promiscuous lifestyle, had tried numerous drugs (doing pot regularly), and her next school report showed her grades had went from a B-C average to straight Fs. At the point I discovered her drug habit, I called my dad. I knew this was something that could KILL her. He said he would "take care of it." He talked to her, and when I asked what had been decided he said she just needed space. He tried to push her to community service, church, extracurricular activities, etc. but he stressed giving her space. I stayed on him for three years about needing to punish her and MAKE her do better (as some of the things she was doing were life threatening). He never did. She turned 17 in September and is pregnant - she doesn't know who the dad is (there are three candidates in her "fertility window" - this does not include the entire month). She continued doing drugs, smoking, and drinking well into her second trimester. She keeps bad company and is not passing school. She is flat out cruel to our mother and my dad just sits back and "gives her space." Please, please, PLEASE do not be that parent. You are responsible for all her activities till the day she turns 18. That is just the first part - the second (and more long term) is to raise an individual that will be a healthy, happy, productive member of society. You cannot force the second part, but you can definitely make the first part happen. I don't care what anyone thinks - you CAN. People think of "grounded" as "I'm taking your electronics." Wrong. When my 20-year-old sister was 15 and decided she was going to view school as a playground, fail, and sneak out, my mother brought down the hammer. She ripped her out to home school her - made her sit in the same room with our grandparents at their house when she (my mother) had to be away. She took away all electronics. She made her open her emails and perused them - with my sister sitting right there - to see what she had been up to. She made her clean when she wasn't doing schoolwork. She even took her door off the hinges. One month - that is how long it took. My sister begged and pleaded to go back. My mother made her transition into it. She let her go back to public school, but asked all her teachers for a weekly report on her. She randomly showed up to the school to ensure she was where she said she was. She slowly allowed her computer/phone access and still monitored it. She made her do community service. She still had her confined to the house (after school) for about a month. My sister became a straight A student (something that had never happened), never sneaked out again, and had a much better relationship with my parents.

This is a VERY extreme example, but it is an example nonetheless. You may find a middle ground, but it has to be enforced. People think kids are somehow "entitled" to these things (electronics, social media), but it is complete crap. It's been deemed "emotional abuse," but I see it as effective parenting. If your kid decides to push, you gotta shove. Otherwise they will walk all over you and destroy their lives.

I know it's a lot - really hope this helps.

Dove - posted on 10/30/2012




It's good she told you. It sounds like she is either 'bragging' or crying out for help.

What is she 'in' to? Any extracurricular activities, sports, drama, art, etc....?? She needs to be kept busy and have a 'focus' OTHER than boys and sex. I think it's best to cultivate that when they are young, but she could still find a passion now. She needs a lot of guidance and a LOT more supervision. Make sure she is fully aware of the consequences of sex. She can get pregnant or an std that could kill her from just ONE time... even with protection since protection isn't 100%.

Um.... that's all I've got as my oldest is only 11 right now and I would want to FLIP OUT if I were you.... though that probably is not the best response. ;)

Patricia - posted on 10/30/2012




um what does the dad make of this and she needs some better consequences for her adult actions... no cell phone its the gateway to foolishness. theres a deffinate statement in what shes doing and you need to find out what the problem is fast......

Jazmyne - posted on 10/30/2012




Is she lacking attention? Make sure you sit down and talk with her about the "dangers" of sex. Maybe you could spend a little one on one time with her and see if that aleviates the situation. (Btw this sounds oddly like my "first" time)

Kimberlee - posted on 10/30/2012




14-15 is a difficult time to be parenting. Good luck momma . Keep talking to her about self worth , STD's , pregnancy etc.. Maybe do some volunteer work together so she can see how fortunate she is and you can both spend time together in a positive way .

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