my soon to be husbands 19 year old daughter

Gail - posted on 07/20/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am at my whits end this started a few years ago 19 year old boyfriends daughter will not bring out her dirty dishes she hoards them in draws in her closet the same goes with soda bottles and opened packages of food she will not do her laundry as well she spends most of her time on her laptop we ask very little of her keep her room clean and her bathroom yet she can not follow through on this as well we did tell her no more dishes in her room and to eat out in the kitchen we did let her go back to eating in her room if she was to bring her dishes back out she did good for a few weeks but is back at it what can I do her dad gets mad at me for telling him that she is back at it again please any advice she does head back to college in august as is her room at collage last year was a disgrace and her roomate moved out due to the fact of her being a slob.

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Raye - posted on 07/21/2015

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You and her father need to be on the same page with what's going on. He should not be getting mad at you for pointing out that his daughter is not behaving. He should be teaching her that with adulthood comes responsibilities. She should be courteous of others that also have to live in the house.

If she wants to stay at home, she should have rules and possibly pay rent. If she were renting the room anywhere else, she would be expected to keep the common area of the house clean... but not necessarily her room. Her room is her space and if she wants to wear dirty clothes, then let her. That does not mean that she can keep dirty dishes in there. That could draw bugs and rodents, turning the room into a health hazard, and the landlord does have to protect their property against such things. So, if she uses the dishes, she should wash them. If she has other food in the room, she should make sure the wrappers and such are properly disposed of. If she can't follow those instructions, tell her you will get a "bug bomb" to set off in her room and then make her wash EVERY thing (all clothes, walls, furniture, floors) so she doesn't get sick from the chemicals. Tell her you will bomb her room every week if you find food in there, and she will have to rewash everything, every time. If she continues to be defiant, then she should look for a new place to live. She is an adult, and she needs to act like one.

Michelle - posted on 07/21/2015

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Does she pay board?
If not tell her she is either to pay or you will doing up a chore roster until she goes back to college. When she is on dish washing duty she is to go through the whole house to get all the dishes. She is also to be put on laundry duty and that includes folding and putting away her clothes.
Also tell your boyfriend he needs to man up and be a Father to his adult daughter. Let him know that if she won't live by the rules she can fend for herself. Sorry, but she's 19 and old enough to look after herself.

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Loraine - posted on 07/06/2017

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idk if youll read this, but it sounds like she's REALLY depressed. My adult daughter will not do laundry for months, wear the same clothes, not shower for two weeks, eat endlessly and toss garbage to the side. Live in filth, you live how you feel. Before yelling why no ask if something is wrong? Some days she couldn't even move she was so debilitated.

Gail - posted on 07/22/2015

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Thank you for your replys my boyfriend finally realized she has a problem and is now taking further action.

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