My step-son is 30 yrs old and is getting married in April. After he left school he moved away from home and went to stay with his biological mother. He has been in numerous relationships and moves in with his different partners on a regular basis as his relationships don't seem to last longer than a year. He has been going out with his current girl friend for 8 months and says she is his soul partner and wants to marry her. They have been living together as husband and wife. She was married before and has 2 children, her divorce only became final at the beginning of this year. She has just recently had a miscarriage. I have tried telling my step-son to get to know her better and not to rush into this marriage, but he won't listen. My problem now is that he never consulted with his Dad and me nor included us in the preparations but now expects us to give him money for the wedding. He now keeps pressurising me for money which I don't have to give him, as we are busy renovating our home. He told me that her parents offered to pay for the wedding but now they are running out of money and he must ask us for money. My point now is, it is not the first time she is getting married so why does it have to be such a big affair with a white dress and all that goes with it. My step son know that the renovations have cost us a lot of money which we had to save up for. We never even went on holiday this year as we used the money to improve our home. Am I being unreasonable!!!!!!!!
Bonnie - posted on 03/10/2012
No, I don't think you are being unreasonable. When my husband and I got married we had planned to pay for EVERYTHING. At the last minute, his parents said, "let us pay for the food." So they did, but otherwise everything was us. There is no rule that says that the parents have to pay.
If he wants to get married that badly, he will find a way even if he has to use a credit card or take out a loan. If anything, if you think back to years ago, it was the woman's parents who paid for the wedding and even to this day, there are still many who do.
Amanda - posted on 03/10/2012
You arent being unreasonable at all. I have only been married once, and never asked for a dime from my family or his. I think its unreasonible when grown children think its their parents job to keep paying for things.
If they are responsible enough to get married, then they can pay the bills of that wedding.
Jodi - posted on 03/10/2012
Personally, I don't think you are being unreasonable. When I was married the second time, I was in my early 30's. For my husband, it was his first time. We both had children from our previous relationships. We would never have DREAMED of expecting anyone else to pay (or even contribute) to our wedding. We were both established adults, with jobs, homes of our own, assets. I felt it would be extremely rude of us to ask our parents to pay. We did ask for their help with setting up and some of the detail (manpower), but never for money. Instead, we planned a modest wedding that we could afford.
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