My step-son who will be 19 in December, will not work, Please help?

Rita - posted on 08/14/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My step-son who will be 19 in December, will not work.. always excuses. Before he graduated it was playing sports that he didn't even like, just to keep from getting a summer job. Now he isn't going to college and not even trying to get a job. He is leaving with his mom now for the last several months, but now she is sick of it and is trying to get him to move back in with his dad and I. This is not a good ideal at all. His dad, my husband, can not tell him no about anything and lies to me when he gives him money. I got him and my daughter both a job at my work for the summere making good money. He quit and said it was boring. I can not get my husband to understand that he is only hurting him. My daughter who is 18 worked during high school, during the summer and is now at her college dorm and looking for a part time job. This is really coming between us because he needs to grow up and be a man and no one is making him. I told him that he wasn't laying around my house and doing nothing all day why everyone else is working, but guess what, his dad is letting him after we go to work.. He comes to the house and eats, sleeps, watches tv , plays on the computer. I don't know what to do. I know what I want to do, but then it will cause major issues with his dad and I and our marriage.. Any ideas

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Rita - posted on 08/14/2012

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This is what I keep telling my husband. I use tough love on my girls and sometimes yes it is hard, but they are better adults because of it. My step-son is beyond lazy and it is truly sickning. He has never been made to do anything, ever. When I tell my husband that I will not allow him to move back in our house and lay around all day and not work, he says I will never put my child out. I love my husband very much and we get along great, until this subject comes up. Why should all the girls in the family work and not his son. He says I can't make him work and if I continue to bring it up then I will run him away. HOLY COW, I swear I just don't get it. I just don't see how I can win here. I will make it miserable for him if he comes back home and isn't working. I refuse to be a prisoner in my own home!!

User - posted on 08/14/2012

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Rita. I have a 19 year old daughter and I am dealing with the same issues with the exception she is working. My daughter just registered for the fall semester at a community college (sorry, let me correct that, I registered her) and she really doesn't seem excited. Previously, she has been dropped from classes because of tardies, cell phone usage during class, and obviously because she doesn't want to be there. I have set my foot down, and I have told her that if I find out that she has been dropped from any of her classes again. That I will be taking the money that I paid for registration and textbooks out of her bank account. I have also told her that the used car that we have gave her she is borrowing and is not given to her because she did not buy it, and that the car will only be used for school and work. If I see some maturity and growth, and see that she wants to do well in school, then maybe I will consider her taking the car out for other reasons. Don't give your son any money what so ever. Our kids are now adults and if they phone the cops, they will just tell them the same thing. Go to school or get a job, and if you don't like the rules, your parents can kick you out on the streets. We as parents don't want to throw our kids out on the streets, but we can take things away. If you are paying for sons cell phone, it needs to stop. If he wants a cell phone, you tell him he needs to get a job. I realize this is your step-son and step-mom's are not supposed to get involved, but I would tell my husband you need to talk to your son and tell him that he needs to either get a job, or go back to school, or I am going to get my own place, so I don't have to see or hear any of this mess any longer.

Lacye - posted on 08/14/2012

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Ask your husband who is going to pay for his nursing home when the two of you can't take care of yourselves when yall get old. You'll be covered by your daughter, but he has to depend on his son. All he is doing is preventing his lazy son from growing up. I would not allow him to move in until he has a full time job and keeps the job. And if he quits said job after moving in, he has 1 month to find another one or he will be looking for a new place. All he is doing is enabling his son and it's not healthy.

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