Dianne - posted on 01/04/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )
Being a stepmom is hard work when your stepdaughter hates you. We have been married for almost 6yrs and together over 7yrs. My relationship with her has always been a rocky one. I don't think she has truly accepted me because she was the center of my husband's life for so many years. Her mother remarried 3 more times after their divorce before she turned 30 so my daughter always depended on her daddy. Not to mention whenever she was with her mom and she wanted something her mom would say, I don't have it go ask your daddy. And then when she asks for it and she always had a good explanation for needing it he would give it to her. He has spent alot of money on her that was basically wasted just because she saw someone else with it or just basically wanted it. She thinks her daddy is rich. He is not. Our (mine and hers) relationship was ok until I married and moved in with him then things went down hill. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship that was a horrible situation. My ex doesn't pay me child support like he should and my husband brings it up constantly. I have done everything that I can do. It's up to the State. But it is not my kids fault. They didn't ask to be brought into this world. But that's besides the point. My kids get along with my husband great. They love him and he loves them. He treats them like his own. When it comes time for Christmas and birthdays it is not so fair. Christmas we try and do even amounts but birthdays are another story. My kids birthdays fall close to Christmas so we don't get to do "big" gifts for them but it doesn't matter to them bc it is the holiday and my kids aren't materialistic. For her birthdays, she has received a $700 shopping spree, a PSP that she never played (she only wanted that bc my son got one for Christmas), a new cell phone that costs $600 (only bc she couldn't wait 6 months for the contract to be up & get the same phone for $79), the list goes on and on. And when my husband wants to spend 1 on 1 time with her, I say go for it but I am not allowed to do anything with my kids. He says that she will be out of the house soon and my kids live with us and see them all the time. I work fulltime and do not get to spend quality time with them like I want. I have never taken my kids to the movies or to lunch so why should I have to sit at home and have 2 kids wonder why we can't go anywhere. It's not fair to them. He says that I make it out to be that I HAVE to do something with my kids when he does something with her. I don't plan on anything but why should it be a big deal if I want to take them to the park or run to the grocery store. And when he tells her that they are going to do something she replies back "I betcha they are gonna do something too". Who cares if I do. She should be focusing on spending 1 on 1 time with her daddy. Before me her daddy spent all of his time with her so when I came into the picture she had to share him with 3 other people. She doesn't share very well. When she moved in with us for 3yrs she thought the world was supposed to stop when she was gone to her mom's. She would call us to see where we were, what we were doing. She's a very jealous person. And when she moved out she told her daddy that she would move back in if I moved out and he divorced me. At this time she was in trouble for lying and getting caught behind the gym with a boy (she was 11). I think she tries to take the focus off the situation at hand and tries to point the blame at me. I am always the scapegoat. This Christmas we overheard her say the following at a Christmas gathering "they can buy them giftcards but they can't buy me no $135 pr of shoes". My husband was pissed and didn't talk to her for days. He was gonna buy them shoes for her but to teach her lesson he didn't. So when I took her home Christmas Day she didn't tell her daddy bye. She told him when he finally talked to her days later that I told her she couldn't tell him bye. I have no reason to tell her that. What would I have to gain by even saying that? So this puts my husband in a tough spot in who to believe. I would never want to be in that situation. And I can tell he is choosing her over me and has been treating me differently since has happened. I am not sure what to do anymore. I know she is trying to split us up. She's tried so many times and has failed. Not so sure this time. I just keep praying it gets better. If love wasn't involved it would be an easy decision for me. But there is alot of love...strong love.