My Stepdaughter Said Those Dreaded, Expected Words...

Lindsey - posted on 08/10/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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This morning, my stepdaughter said the words that I've been dreading, the ones I hoped wouldn't come, yet expected to hear eventually: "I wish that I didn't have a stepmother!"

Can I even begin to explain how much it hurt, and how weird I feel now? I'm glad she was in the living room and I was in the kitchen. That way I could turn my back and cry silently for a few seconds. My reply was, "I'm sorry I happen to be another adult in your life who helps take care of you and wants the best for you."

It sure was a bad way to start off the day. And all we were talking about was whether she can have caffeine on school mornings (her dad AND mother forbid it strictly). I let her know I was backing them up, and that's when those words came out of her mouth. I'm so sad now honestly. I'm just trying to do my best.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

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You did just fine, Lindsey! You're a parent, not her best friend, and if she thought that the addition of the qualifier of 'step' in front of parent meant that she'd get away with murder, that's her problem.

You care for her, you love her, and you're helping her to be a responsible adult. EVERY parent gets that line, step or not, at least once in our lives...and I guess that's how we know we're actually doing it right?

Hang in there!

Raye - posted on 08/10/2015

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Lindsey, don't let it get you down. I'm a step-mom, too, and while I haven't gotten the lash-back yet, I know it's a matter of time. Keep a united front with her dad, and you'll be okay. Kids don't really know how to express themselves in a constructive way. They usually say the worst possible thing that they can think of at the time, but usually don't really mean it. She may look back on it and feel bad for saying it, even if she doesn't apologize. As Sarah said, just continue to show her love, and don't let on when she hurts you. Just say "I'm sorry you feel that way", and change the subject or go do something else.

Sarah - posted on 08/10/2015

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Try not to take it personally. My own kids sometimes say they hate me, they wish they had a different mom and other hurtful things. I usually respond with, "well I love you or I'd am so glad your my kiddo" and then drop the subject.
You may want to actually take it as a good thing, she know you love her enough that even if she hurts your feelings your love for her is not conditional. Does that make sense? We are often unkind to those who we know will forgive and love us no matter how we act or what we say.
How old is she anyway?

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Lindsey - posted on 08/10/2015

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Well that is a good way to look at it! She is 12. Plus today was the first day of school. She was very nervous, and also her mom was coming by to take her. That has never happened before, I always take her when she's with us.

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