My stepdaughters mother is trying to come back after a long absence.. What should we do?

Jmayb1126 - posted on 02/09/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




Sorry in advance, this is going to be long! I have been with my husband for 8 years, we have one child together and he had 2 other children from a previous marriage when I met him. His daughter (Lisa) is now 20 years old. She still is very much under our support and we still take care of her. In my eyes she is still a child, even though legally she may not be. Her mother was a horrible drug addict, a felon, and a prostitute. She went to prison for prostitution. She dropped my stepdaughter off on my husbands doorstep when he was 19, and never turned back. He happily took full responsibility of her. He met and married another woman for ten years, who took over as Lisa's mother. Financially and emotionally. They divorced a while before we met. For eight years, I have been here for her. Everything and anything she needs. Don't get me wrong, teenagers and young adults are stressful. so we argue about things like her getting a job because she is not in school. We told her she had until her 21st bday to get her life together. That she will have to start paying rent at that point. And it is a constant argument about her staying out all night, smoking weed.. things like that. Now this woman calls last night at 3am, wasted, making empty promises. Telling her she can live with her for free with her and her "sugar daddy". Telling my stepdaughter she can teach her how to live off the government.. I mean you cannot make this stuff up. I know Lisa is 20 years old. I cannot force her to stay away. Do I even have a place to try and keep her away? My husbands ex wife feels the same. I know my stepdaughter and I know that she will look for the easy way out, even if it means moving into a strangers house who wants you to call her mommy. Is it possible that she could just be trying to do the right thing? Why is it right for her to jump in a be the hero when we are trying to teach our daughter to grow up and be an adult? I guess when she called all she did was talk horrible things about my husband. She even told Lisa not to tell us that she called, and to sneak away and spend the weekend with her. Lisa obviously ran upstairs and told me immediately, which I appreciate. Why would she call, drunk at 3am? Why does she have no job with a "sugar daddy" as she calls it? That is a horrible influence on my daughter. What can I say to make our daughter understand? Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated!


Raye - posted on 02/09/2015




She is legally an adult and can move out if she wants. Some people need to make their own mistakes to learn from them. All I suggest you do is try to explain that you would be very concerned about her if she goes, that you're not sure her "mother" is stable enough to help her and guide her the way you are try to do. Tell her you love her, and she can always come back (provided she will live by your rules).

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