my stepson

Laura - posted on 10/07/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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my partners son is 8 and an absolute nightmare. He is destroying our relationship. He is noisy disruptive,cruel to my cats,has a fixation with trapping them. I can't stand him being in my house and i dont know what to do. my partner realises theres a problem and tries to implement good parenting skills. The mother is in denial,even though he has been prone to hitting her. I actually hate him but i love my partner .How do i get them to get help?

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Ev - posted on 10/07/2013

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It sounds like your partner is going to have to step up and there is not much you can do but voice your concerns. If the child's mother is in denial then there is not much you can do. Maybe you need to step back and look at the situation and try to decide if its really for you. Taking on a step child is a challenge in and of itself and if the child is like this and the parenting techniques are not working, something needs to change but you are not the one to do it sadly.

Queen Of My - posted on 10/07/2013

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They say being a parent is the hardest job... I think being a step parent may be harder! Especially an involved and dedicated step parent.
I think it's important to discuss with your partner how involved you are suppose to be in this process. Are you another parent or a friend? Does your partner want you to discipline or gist support his decisions.
I personally think any guest in your house is subject to your house rules. It is not okay for someone to destroy your property or harm your pets - no matter what the situation.
If it were me, I would let his parents handle the discipline on his behavior but you are more than entitled to handle your property. Don't allow him to play with your cats if he can't be nice to them. Move them to a different room. If you have family that would be willing to take them for the duration of his visit - take them up on it. Tell your stepson the cats had to go somewhere else because he doesn't treat them nice.
Do you have sufficient things to keep him occupied when he is there? Maybe he is acting out because he is bored. Maybe this transition for him is really difficult. Maybe he can feel your hatred towards him and it makes him uncomfortable and acting out is how he deals with it.
Try spending some one on one time with him outside of your house. Something he enjoys doing - even if it is just going for ice cream. Keep it short and sweet!

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Queen Of My - posted on 10/07/2013

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Oh man! Is that happening?!!? That does make things very complicated!

Count - posted on 10/07/2013

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It also puts a stepmom in an odd situation if to biological mom refused the stepmom a right to be alone with her son. If the biological mom is in a position of control any interaction with her son may be forcefully limited. It is very difficult to raise a child with the biological mother setting stipulations on how much time is spent. Not to mention the fact that he believes the reason why he can't do these things with you is because hes being told that you're bad.

Count - posted on 10/07/2013

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My biological son and I sought counseling for months to deal with my stepson. The two boys use to get along great but since his mother started throwing money at my SS the relationship between them is not there anymore. He tells his teachers and friends he doesn't like my SS and how he has to give him everything he asks for to keep himself from getting in trouble for upseting him. It's not easy but we tired counseling and if the mother isn't willing to make the SS go too then there really isn't a point. You have to do what you can for your own sainity. Don't expext your husband or SS to change just because you are making changes.

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