My stepson scares me

D. - posted on 04/11/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi. I need advice.

Quick background: I'm married and living with my hubby almost 3 years now. Met his 2 kids - now ages 6 boy and 8 girl- and since have had my own 2 kids ages 2 months and 16 months. Yes it's been a roller coaster of life changing events for me and my step kids. My husband divorced his first 2 kids' mother when his daughter was about 2 years old. His son never new his mom and dad as a couple.

Fast forward to today. My stepson has anger management problems. He's failing at school. He kids girls and boys alike without any remorse. That's info coming straight from his kindergarten teacher. He has hit my little girl, placed objects on her head and constantly gets right up close to her face even though we have all reminded him about personal space. We even got a hula hoop but it didn't work. He constantly screams out answers when we ask him to do simple tasks like throw away your used nose tissue. He screams out "sorry" and is extremely defiant. His teacher has said he shows no remorse for yelling n hitting other kids in class. Recently he started blaming my girl for anything and everything. It started Sunday night and into Tuesday morning before returning to school from suspension for threatening to punch his teacher. (Ie Natalie scratched my dresser; she hit me and so forth). The teacher has repeatedly asked that the parents bring him to talk to a professional in order to teach the child how to control his anger. I've also spoken to my hubby for over a year and have begged him to get professional help but he and the mom have yet to make it happen.

Meanwhile I am scared the child will hurt me and my kids. He blurted out once "I want to kill Natalie" Then says that it was a joke. The boy hits himself in the head when he's happy or angry. We are now trying to use love and logic parenting technique.

What I want advice on is this: do I have any rights to maybe contact the teacher to ask for help? I just found out that the teacher has been asking the parents to get the child help for months. My family all tell me to stay away from the child but it's extremely difficult because my daughter wants to play with him(she's very independent). She has an idea something is wrong because we literally all stare at him when he goes off with the faces and fists and hitting himself in the head.

Please don't misunderstand my position. I know my husbands kids have been through a lot going back n forth between houses and rules. His first daughter is so smart she actually will explain to my husband why I react in certain ways towards his son in detail. I love her. But honestly fear for my kids safety around his son.

I hope this message doesn't come back to haunt me. My husband of course knows how I feel but I need an outsiders opinion/feedback to make sure I'm not overreacting. Thanks.

2 Comments

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D. - posted on 04/11/2014

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Omg I just got shivers when I read the part about your child. All of your words are exactly what my sister has been telling me to do for a while now. Thank you. I'll have to keep pushing my husband and start making phone calls.

Becky - posted on 04/11/2014

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You are absolutely NOT overreacting!! And definitely, for YOUR child's and your sake, go to the teacher and child protective services. CPS isn't always there to just "take children out of the Home" but also to provide services (even if it has to be court ordered) to get the boy help! I am displeased that your husband doesn't see the issue tho. Not facing reality on his part will come and bite him in the ass someday! I am speaking from personal experience by the way! And there are so many families today that have divorce issues and separate rules. That is not a valid reason for this behavior!!!! Your husband needs to put his foot down and those kids need to know and respect the rules of YOUR AND YOUR HUSBANDS HOME!
DO NOT LET THIS BOY HURT YOUR BABY... I divorced one because of a similar situation, and my son is permanently handicapped due to injuries that adults thought were just "jokes" or empty threats of a poor innocent child that was going thru emotional things cuz of his mommy and daddy... It's better to overreact than under!! Go to the teacher!

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