Cornesia - posted on 11/30/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
I am a 31yr old mother of two wonderful young man who are 6yrs old and 1yrs old. As a young girl I was placed in foster care due to my mothers addiction, I've been here and there not because I was a bad child but that's the way things went for me all in all I graduated high school and graduated collage with honors I have been on my on for some time I've had great jobs and have been self sufficient I had my first son when I was 24 and my second son when I was 30yrs old and according to the hospital he was exposed to marijuana so a dcfs case was open for the very first day this came about I have been doing any and every thing I have been asked to do via my social worker the courts and my treatment counselor since my son was born. It was explained to me that since it looks like a repeat of the cycle it can take longer then most cases I have been more then willing to go the extra miles with no problem I talk to my boys every other day cause is very hard on me and I'm sure it's hard on them as well my oldest ask me all the time when can he come back home and my baby Crys when I leave after our visit it's very heart braking for me being that I've been right where they are woundering if my mom was going to come get me the abandonment issue I had to go throw,that it kills me to even have to be a way from them like this. I am able to provide there needs as I would if they where still living with me (clothes, food/snacks, educational toys) that is where I find my joy in this process. Now to talk about my classes I've been ordered to take and have been taking since September 2012 at the same time my counselor just started working there a few days before I came so we were new together, I didn't think any thing of it until one of our one on one meetings I explained to my counselor my living situation wasn't so great due to me not having a income so she gave me a referral to a place that came help me with housing and find a job so now I'm go to this place every day as I was instructed by now my counselor of the place my counselor referred me to, then I receive a call but was unable to take the call when we are on the computers so on my breaks I checked my message and it was my counselor from my counselor from my treatment classes to inform me to come back to my classes at least three hours and for my UA I agreed to do so. I started getting interviews and was unable to make it to my treatment classes which was ok with my treatment counselor until she was told by her boss that it was way to early in my treatment for me to even think about a job, so back I go to my classes around this time my living situation was getting worst so I asked my counselor and her boss what if any thing can I do her boss gave me and opion to stay in there sober living thats five hundred a month but I have no income so I was unable to go there which is what end up happening every where I turned unless I was going to go to a different treatment, but my time would star ALL over but I have no time to waist because I wanted my boys back and the questions I was starting to get from my baby was making me feel depressed I felt like I was abandoning them all the things I use to feel, I didn't want them to feel. Now I'm actually on the streets with no ideal what to do where to go no income and I thought if I told my worker I would never get my babies back I couldn't do that, I talked to a friend of a friends and they aloud me to stay at here house, that is when things got worst she would have all kind of people over late night so I couldn't sleep some time are when I finally get to sleep I wouldn't get up on time but would still show up to class and when asked why I'd explain and still no assistance from my treatment so I pushed on to reach my goals. I was put in a horrible situation where I was now living and after I was put out around this time I had a new counselor that I was able to call for help moving my belongings she heard about my experience from other people of what happen to me so she did her very best to find any and every resource she could but there was no luck now I'm sleeping in a car some time even the park but would show up to class even with everyone looking and asking whats going on with me cause they could tell I wasn't my usual self no smiles no positive affirmations are pick me up to help my class mates, no make up I didn't look like my usual self and I didn't feel like my usual self so in effort to restore me to me I went to different resource places to help with housing (share,Hopics,doors of hope etc) in effort to better my situation just as I'm getting information and going from place to place I get a call from my counselor but was unable to get the phone at the time so she left a message, as soon as I could I checked my message and my counselor was Informing me that I had been termanated from the program, because of my absents. Now I'm confused because I have given my counselor every paper that would excuse my absents for that week and showed appointments for the week to come, plus she know my living status and all I was going throw at the time as part of running an honest program. I am truly stressed now if I wasn't before so I call my worker to give her these new information, now I have been trying to reach her all month for my bus pass to let her know my progress etc.. This time she answers I explain the situation at hand, she told me I need to find another program to attend and that it would take me a whole year again because other programs won't except the time I spent in another program as credit. My whole world just crumbled. I've been doing what everyone that is suppose to be helping me get my world back, no one understand they are All I have, and with out my boys, I'm the same nine year old little girl with no one, no one to love are care for. My boys know they have a mother that love them and would do any thing for them every birthday I'm not only there but I paid for every thing when I didn't have any income I am a great hair styles with eleven years of experience so I had to work extra hard to make my six year old happy he ask for a jumper popcorn mechine clowns face painting and of course his favorite super hero toy transformers connect which I had a hard time finding so he found it online to show me what he was talking about, I was more excited then he was that I was able to give him every thing he asked for and on time because every thing from the party supplies and his birthday gift had to be shipped to me I was even able to give him a card with 20 dollars in it that made my baby say thanks mom I'm rich which was so funny to us but he told me he had fun on his birthday his little brother even enjoyed his self I can tell by the cake face he had and his laugh when he had me running after him cause he was takin the candy while I was making the grabbags on our visits we watch movies, are read I'm even able to help my son with his homework. I don't know what my life would be like if I was to lose any part of those moments if it take a million years for me to complete what ever the court ask me to do I am willing I just don't believe I should lose me kids when I am following instructions from to mini different directions maybe we all need to have a meeting my worker, counselor and myself so we can be on one accord as long as I am testing clean for both my treatment and for dcfs I have my visit as ordered I should still be able to be in there life and they in my life, I have already been dealed a terrible hand give me a chance to build my cards back up to get that full house and win the board. I admit I made a bad choice and come Febuary 19,2014 it will make two years I've been fighting with all my mite to make things better for us in effort for my boys to stop paying for my stupidity. Until the day come when I am able to say boys time for dinner are boys time for your bath are what bed time story are we reading tonight before I tuck them in with all my love and kisses again my fight will contuine I refuse to give up like so mini people I see and hear about in class are even witness my mother do to me. As long as I am breathing I will fight for my right to raise my little man that's my only responsibility and I value them with every second I had I'm not going to let nothing are no one stand in the way of my goal I can't keep that broken family tree going it have to end now. If only I know I was pregnant this would have never happen like this but I'm sure there's a reason maybe I needed these experience to have a little understanding of my mothers struggle but it shouldn't be a two year lesson.
Thank you for allowing me to tell my story of a bad choice along with life's down falls. I'll write about how things turn out in court in Febuary until then the fight is not over keep my Boy and myself up lefted. Thanks again