Jacob - posted on 05/18/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
My son Benjamin was born October 2011. He is the most amazing little two an a half year old ever, of course most parents would say that about their kids.
When Benjamin was born his mother an I were split up for an 7 months. While bm (baby momma) an I were together things were great she was 20, I was 22. We were so excited to just start a life together. She was afraid of what her mother would think of her having a baby, however her mother was ultimately excited after the initial shock of her finding out.
A couple months had past an baby momma started having some attitude changes; would be very snappy one minute an argue about the most ridiculous things then be the happiest person. I literally treated her like a queen making sure all her needs were met. We didn't live together but we were together most days. We did work together but only for a month would we work actually with one another. We had mutual friends whom she would lash out at an just be plain mean to them for no reason. We all thought yeah maybe its just her hormones from being pregnant. At times it would be just too ridiculous. Mind you she hardly drank when we first were together, all she really did was smoke ciggs an weed. Which I did too at the time. Im now a non smoker an still dont drink alcohol.
I have found out she had been in trouble with the law for driving with a concealed weapon an being under the influence. We did talk about it but I didn't get many details ,she just said the weapon wasn't hers. I know people do stupid things an didn't dig much deeper. She didn't seem the type to get in trouble that way. (sorry if this is all over the place but I just need to vent this) bear with me here!
Over a short amount of time things just got worse where she just wasn't herself or the person I knew. She had been threatened to be fired for being so disrespectful to people/coworkers. Ive gotten frustrated with her an had stormed away a couple times during arguments to regain my cool. She hated it an one time she told me to just stay away. She started to ignore me. This was the time where she decided "i can do this alone, I dont need anyone else" I thought well great at least let me be a part of the pregnancy experience an in my sons life. I tried for a couple months to really make things work.
I contacted her mother after not hearing from bm for some time. Her mother said that she hasn't heard much from her. Her mother was the sweetest woman an totally loved me an told me I was family no matter what happened. I had finally heard from bm after some time an she invited me to an ultrasound which I knew she just needed a ride but I was so excited either way to be a part of that. Weeks later she found that I had previously spoke with her mother an for some reason she did not like that. She freaked an told me to never contact her family again. I found out that her mom had been trying to convince her to not got through the pregnancy alone weather it be with me or back home with her mom. Being the stubborn person she is she took offence an refused to let anyone be involved. Over the next months I tried to contact bm even writing a letter a nice one telling her that im still here an will help her with anything she needs. I spent a lot of time an money during our time together to keep her happy. I was so blind to see that I was just being used. I had found out through mutual friends that she was actually fired from her job ( meanwhile ive left that job) for her attitude and disrespect towards people. Something wasn't right I thought, she wasn't that mean I thought, but I was wrong. Nearing the end of her pregnancy an after leaving her alone for months I made my presence known letting her know that I need to be in our sons life that its so important especially for the baby. Not to toot my own horn but im a great guy. I have a great job, a truck, my license a really nice apartment, I dont even smoke or drink. So sue me for liking heavy metal music an dabbling in some weed smoking to relax an keep my stress down (weed is legal where I live by the way.) Ive never been in trouble with the law. Dont even have a speeding ticket!
Anyway I have experience with children not being the only child an having a huge very supportive family. I have my head straight.
Back to bm. I was working one mid October day when I got a text from bm saying... just got Ben circumcised thought you might like to know. I broke down after I read that he was born almost two weeks prior to that message. I was so upset that I lost that experience, that moment when your first child is born. Him being on this earth an I didn't even know it. I soon after went to dhhs to find out what I should do to get my parental rights established. I suspected maybe im not the father an thats why she is like this but I got the paternity test an I sure am Benjamins father! During the next several months without being able to see Ben more than a couple of times I had been going through the court process so that I could get visits legally required. It literally took a year an hundreds of dollars to do but I finally did it an was able to see Ben. The court ruled that I be allowed two visits a week supervised ( like im a f'ing criminal or druggy or whatever), there was nothing I could do I had to take what I could get.
After a year of really struggling with her letting me see Ben, an her just making up bs lies as to why I can't visit even making it so I missed his first birthday. I confronted her about what she was doing an we got into a argument that caused me to not be able to see Ben for quite some time.
I find out she has a new boyfriend who has a son about 9 years old. When I met this guy I got strange vibes but he seemed alright an since he had a son I suspected him to be good with kids. For some time I was greatful for him to be around because he had pushed for me to see Ben an from what ive seen he was good with him. Meanwhile ive met a girl an we got an apartment together. She is so amazing with Ben an he really loves her. It took some time for me to introduce her to Ben but once I knew I wanted her around for a long time they met. I thought it was smart move to not just introduce then right away in case we didn't work out.
Now that you know some of the messed up stuff that has happened lets get you up to current events.
Ben is almost three, now hes really smart an is just all around wonderful but he sometimes like blanks out an just stares off without really responding an just seems depressed. Some things have led me to believe that they are up to something with ben being around like mybe they dont pay much attention to him. How am I to really know? He has started to lash out an hit people. I feel its from this guys son who seems to lash out from drama with his own mother. But I feel it's worse than that. Thay have been increasingly distant from me an blowing me off. Having asked me for money sometimes to help pay for daycare an whatnot when ive paid off my child support dept an im now current on that so she is actually getting the support checks. They got offended when I bought Ben new shoes because the ones they have for him were way too small. Then compared the situation to Chinese foot binding an how an I quote " the Chinese have been doing it for hundreds of years an it never hurt them" I was like what the hell are you comparing my childs feet to something like that. Im not binding my sons feet here an permanently disfiguring his feet. Why would anyone bring that up? These people are insane is what im thinking. Way too messed up an I didn't even say anything back because they just were too stupid to the fact that what they said does not pertain to my sons tiny feet. I feel thats child abuse if you can think thats ok.
Bm decided to bring another life in this world an im thinking how can someone like you do that to an innocent child when you can barely take care of the ones you have? You cant pay for things you need you forget the things we discuss. You totally ignore me when its time for me to visit with Ben. Granted now I dont have supervised visits its still a struggle to even get him. Im not allowed to pick him up from daycare, as far as I know they have no idea I exist an think this other guy is Bens father, I cant take him overnight, I only have him for a couple hours if that an the drive home is 30 min so I have to cut time off the visits for that. She sometimes takes 15, 20 minutes to even come outside her apartment to get Ben back from me. What really kills me is that Benjamin calls this guy daddy. Ben has called me by my first name an dad or daddy but it crushes my heart when I see him call this scumbag daddy. May be from his own son always saying it but id never have someone else's child call me daddy out of respect. Something isnt right. I notice she cant look me I the eyes anymore, her speech is slurry, she forgets things even to the point of making something up just so I think she didn't forget. She thinks im stupid. Now I know what people lool like when they are on certain drugs. Her eyes a pinned even at nite. She sometimes nods out an has no coordination, I noticed this in her boyfriend or fiancé, whatever he is now but I just have no hard evidence of them being on something other than seeing others an my own sister being on heroine or some opiate. Im not stupid I know something is wrong.
At which point do I confront her an it possibly go way outta hand? Do I go to the police? Possibly get the other two children taken away an Ben gets to be with me which would change the lives of everyone involved. When is it too late? What if im totally wrong an she is somehow just too tired from school which she is supposedly going? Is she taking my support checks an buying drugs? How do I find out? But im not stupid I know she is on something an doing messed up shit. I have no real way to prove anything. I could go on an on about how messed up this situation is an how much more messed up its getting. I have 3 years of messages saved some good but mostly just her being ignorant an ignoring me. I feel I need to act fast before its too late. The children are what concern me. Its really upsetting an scares the hell out of me not knowing what's really going on. Any advice would help. I need help.
Again sorry for the run ons an just being all over with explaining everything.