My sweet son's a bully?

Kerrie - posted on 06/05/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




My 3YO (four in October) is usually kind, caring, tries to be helpful, so loving and sharing.

But all that has changed, I have been told my little James is a bully at preschool (he goes for 6hr a week), at first I could not believe it but he has started to change towards me and my mother (who visits once a fortnight to once a week depending on her health).

He has started to hit us and pull our hair, I tell him it's wrong for him to be like this, I've given him time out in his bedroom, took treats away, but he's still the same.

He used to be a loving sweet boy and it's breaking my heart seeing him like this.

He has been at Two Jays (preschool place since Jan and it was the middle of last month this started) before I always heard praises for James' behavior such as how polite he was.

He does have a problem sharing but not always since he'll share things with me and my family (mother and aunt).

I have no idea what to do or what has caused this change in my boy.

any advice would be welcome.

(P.S I'm a single mom)


Louise - posted on 06/05/2012




I have a child the same age and she is very crafty and manipulative to get her own way. I think he is frustrated and instead of using his words is lashing out like this. Encourage him to use his words and not his fists to express himself. Ask him to talk to you about it. Hold his arms down by his sides and ask him why he is so cross. If he tries to hit you then restrain him and say firmly NO. Tell him we do not hit things or people its not right. If he wants you to listen he must use his words. Let him calm down and talk to him about what caused him to lash out and teach him ways of dealing with it. He has to have some sort of punishment at home and playgroup so that he understands that hitting out is wrong. Maybe a favourite toy can be taken away for a few hours or he does not get a bedtime story. Actions have consequences!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/05/2012




Well, right now the only thing I have for you is time outs in their bedrooms are not recommended. It should be a neutral place where you can easily see him, and he does not get distracted by toys or anything else. Also, that can make for "bad feelings" about his bedroom.

Talk to the teachers. See what they recommend. He may need more socializing, in turn having him at preschool for longer days, or more days.

As far as the hitting and hair pulling, each time he does it, give him a warning and explain why it is bad (very simple short sentence and short words) does i again, time out he goes. Get down to his level, and talk about the time out after, followed by a hug and an apology from him. He should be getting 1 minute for each year.

Give him lots of love and praise, but be stern when it comes to hurting.


View replies by

Kerrie - posted on 06/05/2012




I do get down to his level, so I can make eye contact when talking to him, so I know I have his attention, his time out's are usually 2mins and the last resort ( I stand a near his door so I can see him).

The preschool is fully booked unfortunately, but he will be going into nursery in September.

It just seems all of a sudden that he's changed.

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