My teenage daughter

Missie - posted on 05/14/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

21

12

1

I am the mother of 6 children, ranging in ages from 22 years down to 2 1/2. All but one of them is male, which starts my problem. My daughter is 16 and has recently decided it is okay to send nude pictures of herself to her "friend". When she was caught, she lied to me and told me she knew it was a mistake and that she wasn't talking to the boys anymore. A few days later she pretended to confess that she had started talking to him again but mostly to clear the air between them. Now i know that at 16 she is curious and bound to do things i don't like but i know for a fact she is still sex talking with this boy and she is the one who is starting it. I also know she gets way too attached and then is crushed when the boys breaks up with her. I guess my question is have any of you dealt with this and how did you handle it? I'm beginning to think that no matter what step i take she is going to act dumb over it n more. I normally would not have gone snooping but she has started acting different.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/15/2013

581

0

54

It sounds like your daughter is struggling with low self esteem. There is a difference between normal curiosity and this sort of behavior . A young woman's feeling of self worth is so crucial. If she continues down this path it could lead to her having multiple sexual partners, eating disorders, unplanned pregnancy , and depression. I'm not trying to scare you , but it's important to figure out how to help her before things begin to escalate. She is looking for a boy to make her feel worthy or wanted by means of sexuality. She needs to know she is worthy bc of who she is and not bc of her body. I would suggest therapy and Just some mom and daughter time . Try to get her involved in something that will make her feel good about herself such as a sport she does well in or helping out with a charity . She needs to get to a place where she Loves and accepts herself instead of looking for a boy to give her a false sense of self acceptance , and she can get there with your loving guidance

6 Comments

View replies by

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/15/2013

581

0

54

I also wanted to add , try to support her as much as you can even though your frustrated and probably hurt to see her doing this . Try to show her you love her no matter What but at the same time will not tolerate this inappropriate behavior. Explain the consequences of her actions such as how it could affect her future. She is already feeling bad about herself or she wouldn't need this sort of attention so don't lash out and say things that could make her feel worse ( I'm not saying you would or have done this but I know it's hard to control tempers for us all sometimes) . If she refuses to do the things you think will help her and then start taking privileges away and stick to your guns about punishments .

Missie - posted on 05/15/2013

21

12

1

The computer is not allowed in her room in fact it is only allowed to be used in public areas and as for her phone it has been turned off and will not be returned to service until i honestly believe she is not apt to make such stupid moves again. I guess what i really don't understand is how she can be so needy, clingy and desiring of affection so badly when she wants nothing to do with anyone who actually cares about her or her well being.

Ev - posted on 05/15/2013

8,166

7

919

She needs to know that this could lead to a lot of things she won't want to mess up her future. Those pictures that go to this boy WILL end up ON THE INTERNET in places like FACEBOOK OR TWITTER. She needs to know that this is against the law and she could get into trouble with the authorities. She also needs to know that if employers see the pictures....if she does not get into it with the law...will not want to hire her for any thing they have in their company. Also some big name colleges or universities won't even enroll her because of this. It will give her a bad reputation with people at school and she will be found to be considered to be "easy" by the boys. See, the thing is she gets going with this behavior with a guy and when he has gotten what he wants he dumps her when she might be thinking that this is going somewhere. All those boys want that she gets involved with want just the pictures of her and nothing more with her as far as a relationship goes.

You need to do more than talk to her. As what is said before, take her priviledges away. Give her a land line phone if she is that needy of having something. Make her use a computer out in the open and not in her room where prying eyes can't see what is going on. IF YOU CAN NOT DO THIS, then get her phone set up with parental blocks and let her call or text only those numbers that you set up for her. You can also see her history of calls so you know what is going on. You can also see what texts she has done and received. As for the computer, set it up so she can only go to web sites that you approve. For example, set it up for no Facebook or social sites. Set it so she can do her homework and nothing more. Keep the computer in the open so you can see what is going on because kids can and do figure out how to get around it. YOu can also set the controls so you can see her history.

It is common sense if you really look at it that way. You are the parent. You make the rules. If she can not abide them then she has to pay the piper so to speak. WHen my daughter was 16 she did not have a cell phone. She did not want one. She did her homework, used the land line phone to call her friends, she did not have internet at dad's or my house to use, and she got along fine...she graduated just before 2010. As for my now 16 year old son, he wants no phones, he rarely gets online. If either of them wanted more of this stuff they would have had rules.

Missie - posted on 05/15/2013

21

12

1

I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I've gone down a similar road long ago when i was raising my little sister and when i took the hard approach, denying her access to what she wanted completely it just escalated the issue and i'm finding my daughter very much the same as the sister was in so very many ways. So i did try a different approach first, thing is i'm inpatient and pretty much done trying to play any sort of good guy. She is pushing me past the limits of my kindness in too many ways lately.

Jodi - posted on 05/15/2013

3,562

36

3907

If you took her phone/computer/internet access from her you'd know for sure wouldn't you? I'm surprised she still has these privileges.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms