My teenage daughter and my husband???

Gayathri - posted on 04/16/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My teenage daughter does not get along with my second husband... I married him 2 years back... He tries to teach her discipline and values of life and she does not like that... He is a nice person and my daughter is a nice girl... But whenever he advices, she doesnt like it... She retaliates to him... So they dont get along... She answers him back for everything... Normally she is a very sweet child, she is very good in her studies and has good general knowledge... What should I do???

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Ev - posted on 08/29/2016

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My question is: How long has he been in the picture besides the last 2 years of marriage? How did he get along with her prior to that marriage?

Also, the parenting should be up to her father and you not her step father. Her step dad should be backing the rules she had been living by before he was in the picture not changing them to suit his wants and desires. Did he ever get on her level and get to know her? It sounds like he is trying to be her father and discipline her. If she has already had the right kind of upbringing with right and wrong and consequences for actions against the rules why allow her step dad to change that?

Jen - posted on 08/29/2016

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I personally think that you could talk to them and say to your daughter to cool it a little and to just try to understand that he's trying to help her through life and that he's trying to be nice to her and yeah he's probably doing a great job!

Isobel - posted on 04/16/2012

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Ah, it sounds like she was raised with one set of rules and is now being "taught" another. It's amazing how 14 year olds "know". I wish I knew now half of what I did when I was a teenager.



I was that age when my mother started dating her present husband and I HATED HATED HATED him, he wasn't my biggest fan either, but now I absolutely adore him...we both just needed some time to grow up.



Does your husband have any experience with teenagers? I know mine apologized to me recently for the way he treated me. He said that he had no idea that I was completely normal but he couldn't see that until his kids became teenagers.

Random - posted on 04/16/2012

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Incidentally, by expecting more from her, I mean to say give her more responsibility around the house, and for herself. Let her learn to be self reliant. It's one of the best ways to empower your kids.

Random - posted on 04/16/2012

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Honestly, it's more effective to let kids suffer consequences for their actions. Think about it. How would you like to have someone lecturing you?

When you lecture them (even "talking about something that might happen") the instinct is to feel accused and then tune you out after five minutes.

Pick your battles and let her learn on her own.



Expect more from her now. Challenge her. Don't lecture her. That serves no purpose except to make YOU feel like you've done something "parental". It doesn't work.

Gayathri - posted on 04/16/2012

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Thanks Louise... Thats what I am trying to do... He feels that it would be better if she is taught whats right and whats wrong at this age... She is 14... He says if we let her grow like this, she would become spoiled in future...

Louise - posted on 04/16/2012

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I think this is normal teenage behaviour no matter of step parent. My sons both argued and backed chat there dad it was just a phase. Try and not give her to much advice as she needs to feel that she is finding her way in the world without you. We all learn by our mistakes and if we dont make them we learn nothing.

Ask your husbands to pick his fights carefully is it really worth a fight over. let things slide every now and again. Just dont stand for out right rudeness. Give her a little slack, teenage years are pretty hard for kids these days.

Gayathri - posted on 04/16/2012

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Hi Nikki... When I try to speak to her, she says she has not done anything wrong and I am always supporting my husband... She feels I too advice her a lot after this marriage... Actually we are trying to help her out to face the world...

Nikki - posted on 04/16/2012

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Have you spoken to her about why she is acting this way? Maybe it might be an idea to look into some family counselling?

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