My thirteen year old son who has recently made contact with father and family for the first time

Teresa - posted on 03/05/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I helped my son find his father , but in some ways I kind of
Regret it because its starting to cause conflict in my marriage.
My husband whom I've been married to forever
Says he does not mind me taking my son to see his so called
Father as long as someone goes with me, but he keeps changing
His mind for some reason . My husband is also angry
Because he saw a text that my son sent to his biological
Father and my son never mentioned him but I tried to explain to my
Husband that he doesn't want to hurt his biological dads feelings.
I don't know what to do its complicated. My husband can't go
With me because he has other obligations this weekend & to tell you
The truth I don't think my son would feel comfortable with him going.
I want my son to get to know his other side and decide if he wants
To continue the relationship . This man has never did
One thing for my son and now all of a sudden he wants to be
Known as dad . Someone please help me ?

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Jodi - posted on 03/05/2013

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You are doing the right thing. Your husband, right now, is acting like a sulky child. I can understand that maybe he is scared, too, that your son will prefer his biological father, it is possible he feels threatened, but he has to have faith that he has been a wonderful dad to your son and will be able to continue to do so. He also has to stop dealing with it like a sulky child.

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Teresa - posted on 03/13/2013

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Hi , I would like to thank everyone who responded to my post on last week about my thirteen year old son who was meeting his father and his family for the first time. Well guess what we went and my son really enjoyed himself and his cousin who is now fifteen really enjoyed each other . He didn't see much of his father though, if you want to call him that. His father still has the same problem he had years ago when we were together . He saw our son on that Friday night when we got there and for a little while on Saturday when his wife picked my son and his cousin up & took them over there knowing that he was in no condition to see his son. I didn't want my son to see him that way but maybe now he realizes why I stayed away so long , to protect him. The only thing I feel bad about us his grandmother passed away and he didn't get a chance to know her but now he can still have that relationship with the rest of his family .

Dove - posted on 03/05/2013

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Well... maybe you shouldn't have ended that conversation because in his 5 year old mind... that question was 100% correct. He has the father that made him and the Daddy that is raising him.

Teresa - posted on 03/05/2013

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Dove it makes a difference because my son
Has always seemed to struggle with the fact that
He looks different than his other three siblings.
He even asked me when he was about five years
Old , mommy why is my skin this color and the
Rest of my family is brown. I told him that he was
Beautiful and that we come in all colors. I also
Tried to tell him right then that he had another father,
But he didn't understand totally what I was saying at that
Age. He understood but he didn't understand in
The way I was trying to explain it. He responded
By saying "so I have two daddy's mommy" and that's
When I kind of ended the conversation because
He's actually only had one father for most of his life.

Teresa - posted on 03/05/2013

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Thank you got your response. It helps a lot to know that I'm not crazy and I'm doing the right thing for my son. I forgot to mention that he is also biracial which makes the situation a little more complicated.

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