my three year old boy and five year od girl is always fighting!!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/09/2014

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It takes time, Janine, and with a wee one around, I can see where you feel that you don't have that luxury...

But, you'll do well with this! Plus, you'll be amazed at how much simpler your life will get! Good luck!

Sade - posted on 04/07/2014

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Yes!!! Mine as well they want to play together but they're soooo controlling. If the other one doesn't play the way they want they'll argue and fight about it! I used to spank the boy if he hits his sister but then I realized that was wrong of me because I was just demonstrating it's not ok for you to hit but it's ok for Mommy to hit.
Lately, I've been trying to appeal to the girl because she's older and understands. I explained to her if she can, just to walk away from the argument and ignore him.
But like your daughter she tries to get to things first and wants the bigger one. My son used to be content with whatever he got but he's learning from her. This makes things so much more difficult. I don't know what to do anymore nothings really working well.

Sade - posted on 04/07/2014

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I also feel hopeless and really stressed by it as well. Yes and since both your son and mine are 3 years old how do you help them to understand their bad behavior? The worst for me is when I'm in the other room doing chores and they break out into an argument over something. I constantly am interrupted when I have to take care of something.
After I reprimand them over one thing there'll be another thing they'll fight about.
What have you tried thus far? One thing I try to do is keep one with me and the other in another part of the house doing some activity. But this only lasts for 30 minutes max because they'll find some reason to be in the room with me together and the fighting ensues again.

Sade - posted on 04/07/2014

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I sympathize with you. My 3 year old son and 7 year old daughter have multiple fights through out the day. It's usually over the most insignificant things. I have yet to figure out how to deal with this :( My husband also was the younger brother with a year older sister and he recalled constantly bickering with his sister all the way through elementary school.

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Jtb - posted on 06/04/2014

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Omg....seriously....kids fight. My 6 yr old tries to bully my 18 mth old. When my baby have had enough....whammmmmm!!!!! Clocks unsuspecting bully right upside head with a toy. Guess who is then cuddled on my lap bawling his eyes out? Yep...that's right..my 6 yr old...haha.

Rajasekhar - posted on 04/12/2014

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Children fight each other, while fighting naturally understand their mindset.
one suggestion is that when anyone of them fall sick, ask your younger or elder kid to help them feed food or medicine. so that they feel like he / she is there to take care. when ever u feel sick give them a team work

Janine - posted on 04/09/2014

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Thank you...I will do my outmost best and let you all know how ive been doing...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/09/2014

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Ok, so continue blindly spanking, and wondering why your kids don't get the point, Janine.

Your children are more than old enough for you to find the patience to explain consequences to them. If you cannot find the patience to do so now, how do you expect it to be any easier 'when they get older'? Because, by then, they'll be so used to the behaviour that you've let continue, that they will NOT easily retrain to desired behaviour.

I raised my kids, 3 years apart. Yes, they argued, all siblings do. I do have to point out that, at the ages of 3 & 5, the fighting is NOT MALICIOUS. They don't know how to BE malicious at those ages. They are fighting, because kids don't understand proper interaction, how to use words, etc. This is what you, the parent, are for. Rather than blindly swatting because you've lost patience, you need to sit them down EACH TIME, explain which behaviour is unacceptable, explain what the acceptable alternative is, assign a consequence, and follow it through.

Janine - posted on 04/09/2014

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See I have no patience to try and make you understand...a fault on my side as I slap and explain later...its all just so frustrating having to breastfeed (4mnth) old and breaking up fights...coming from work..constant nagging...ext..so shawn thats why I felt it will cost more energy explaining why im taking away your priviledges verses spanking!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/09/2014

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Janine, this is why you need to enforce consistent consequences.

Janine - posted on 04/09/2014

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I dont think its something I will get used too..because it's done with malice...the intention to hurt..and that can just put them in trouble..its not OK!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/07/2014

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Actually, Sade, I was responding to the OP, who stated, in the post previous to mine, "then also taking away privileges..but that would be for your much older kids..."

My point is, at the ages of the OP's children, 3 & 5, they're PLENTY old enough to have privileges pulled as a consequence for poor behaviour. Why wait until the poor behaviour is ingrained?

Sade - posted on 04/07/2014

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I haven't been waiting until they're old enough. I'm simply looking for methods other than what I have been trying while empathizing with another mom in a similar situation.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/07/2014

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Time out, taking away privileges, why on earth wait until they're older?

Consequences for behaviour should be enforce from day one. Your 3 year old is MORE than old enough to understand the meaning of the word 'no', as well as follow simple directions to play nicely. And the 5 yo is plenty old enough as well.

Stop 'waiting' until they are old enough to receive consequences for poor behaviour. They ARE old enough, and they have been for quite some time.

Janine - posted on 04/07/2014

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Sounds like we dealing with the same two kids!! Thats so funny..its like its normal..i think thats how we need to look at it...also to stay consistent....if it wasn't okay yesterday it wont be ok tomorrow ext...it's tiring but they need to know we not giving into their manipulative schemes!! lol! I have felt like a failure at times..i feel so bad spanking..it's wrong no matter how much I want to justify myself..I have seen with my eyes how my daughter has become so tough...she wont even cry if I spank her bum.... so what really gets to her is the isolation(naughty corner) I still want to apply the happy and sad faces and thirty day calender as too how many times I had scolded at her or she stepped out of line will determine. at the end of the month if she would get that gift" reward) so I know for a day I can expect at least 8smileys for her to qualify but in a day she gets 8 sad faces...well that would just mean she wont get anything...then also taking away priviledges..but that would be for your much older kids...

Janine - posted on 04/07/2014

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Wow that sounds like a good idea..im thinking why havent I tried that? And im laughing because they want to play together..but because of their differences they cant..hahaha..i spank! I dont know how else..i tried the naughty corners but I get so frustrated and I just spank on the bum!! Naughty corner is almost like its too far to get there I deal with it right then..so far if I hear somebody is crying I go up to them..ask them what happened and why? Then I give warning...and if I tell my boy..do you want a hiding..he will say.no mommy..im a good boy...my daughter on the other hand will twirl her hair as soon as I turn around she' ll continue where she left off..she always competes and I must have it first get there first hers must be the big one.. my boy will walk off and be satisfied with whatever she said he could have.....you get what im saying??

Janine - posted on 04/07/2014

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I feel helpless most times I deal with it emotionally and seeing that its continuously happening,i gues ive not applied the right type of correction..there must be a wise way of dealing with it...

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