My toddler

Sepide - posted on 08/11/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi, I have a 2 and half year old daughter. my husband left us 8 months ago to be with another woman. I agreed for him to see E 3 times a week including a full Sat or Sunday. He was smoking cannabis heavily and became aggressive, swearing in front of E and mistreating me in front of her, shouting and being abusive. it got so bad I didn't feel safe with him at home ,so asked him to see E in a different environment and until he stops or cuts down use of cannabis I insisted on supervised contact. His first reaction was to refuse it so he didn't see her for 2 months, finally he agreed, he didn't like it but didn't do anything about the drug use. So he was only seeing her 2 hrs a week in a sure start centre. after another couple of months we ended up in family court, he took a drug test and proved he has cut down. so I agreed to unsupervised contact and he started seeing her 2 times a week, 4 hrs on saturday and 1.5 hrs one evening after work. this recently increased to 5 hrs and will increase to 6 soon. since this new plan started my daughter started refusing to see him, go to him or doesn't even want him to touch her. she cries and screams, tells me before hand she doesnt want to go with him, and afterwards she is not cheered up at all. as soon as I say she's going to see daddy she stops whatever she was doing and becomes nervous. He also picked her up ftomorrow nursery couple of times and E didn't want to go to nursery, again che and screams and not playing with children and not talking which was really not her usual behaviour and staff were surprised too.
Now, I dont know what to make of this, I dont want to ignore the problem, as she has been forced to go with her dad every time and she is getting worse. I also dont trust him at all. he didn't change her nappy for 5 hrs, fed her ice cream and sweets instead of food and she never gets to have her nap when she is with him. so she is nackered. I've given him her routine but he ignores it. he's had other odd and abnormal behaviours as well in the past and lies all the time.
do I need to be concerned about her well being? and where can I get advice and guidance face to face?

thank you

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

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Seriously, you're feeling 'pressured' to allow the child's FATHER to spend time with her? Get a grip. Cannibis use isn't a deal breaker, either, by the way.

Get formal orders, and if they indicte that he gets overnights, etc, ABIDE by them.

Women who systematically attempt to destroy their children's relationship with their biological father really irritate me.

Sepide - posted on 08/11/2015

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Thank you. We came to agreements at court through our solicitors, there wasn't a formal hearing, and appeared in front of a judge to confirm our agrrements, although I felt very pressured by both his and my solicitor. I asked him to stop picking her up from nursery and spoke to the staff and got written report of her behaviour.
our arrangement is for him to have her one evening tea time in the week and saturdays, 4 hrs for 4 weeks, then 5 hrs for 4 wks, and at the end of this month, will be 6 hrs per week. then we have another court, which he wants to apply for sleep overs. I should add, I have residence order, and he hasn't got a place to live. He lives at his friends.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

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One question: WHAT ARE YOUR COURT ORDERS?

Raye - posted on 08/11/2015

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You should go to court and get a formal visitation schedule, and stick to it. If he is causing the child distress at her daycare, you might get one of the daycare workers to be a witness or offer a written statement that he should not pick up/drop off at daycare. If you have any evidence of any other abusive behavior, present that to the court (junk food is not abuse, but ignoring the diapers might be a concern).

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