My two adopted childred just revealed that they were sexually abused

Melinda - posted on 07/19/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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We adopted two siblings in February. We were aware of the history of physical abuse and neglect but now my son revealed he was sexually abused by his biological father and "uncle" and then my daughter revealed a little bit of sexual abuse by biological father and "uncle". I know there is much more to reveal but because of the justice system I am not allowed to talk about with my kids until forensics interviews them. I don't want them to think that I don't care, want to hear about it, or help them but I am limited. I tried to explain this but to a 5 and 7 year old it probably seems like I am abandoning them like everyone else. Now my doctor is acting so mean to me. If they only knew how much it hurts me that I can't hold conversations with them right now and all that I am trying to do. Most important thing though was for the county to come and make sure that my toilets flush and I have running water! What a joke.. I had them do that weekly for about 8 months until we adopted them. They are worried about this but the predator can be hurting other kids.

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Lisa - posted on 07/20/2016

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I am so glad you can finally talk to them. I wanted to ask you have you heard of Empowered to Connect and "Trust Based Parenting" by Karyn Purvis? This link http://bit.ly/2adlTYd is to 75 videos that might be helpful to you. God will lead you my friend, keep looking to Him for strength and guidance. I hope you have a community of friends to come around you and support you as you work with your daughters. Praying for you!

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Melinda - posted on 07/20/2016

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Thank you so much. This is such a hard time. I finally got approval to speak to them when they talk to me and only then. I can't ask any leading questions but can have a conversation. We don't want her to take 20 steps behind because that is where she is heading. Now she is happy again that she can talk to me. I just think the process is wrong. It makes the victim the one to suffer. They really need to rethink the process. I am trying to find support groups for moms of sexually abused kids and they don't exist in Allegheny county, pa. you can only have online support and I am okay with that because now I have people to reach out too. I just want to be able to talk to mother's either dealing with or have dealt with similar situations so I can see what is normal and what isn't. This is all new to me because I never had this experience but I am learning as we go. I keep praying daily that god gives me the strength and leads me in the right direction and so far he has. I am also thankful for my family and friends who have been there for me. I have only told a few people that need to know because I don't want them to me marked with this for the rest of their lives. They are young enough hopefully to forget and be able to move on. Take care and thanks again.

Lisa - posted on 07/19/2016

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That is so hard, so sad. What a terrible thing. I hope that the interviews can happen soon. Keep affirming your love and show them your love by talking with them, laughing with them, keeping things "normal" and stable. If you need to tell them that you will talk about that issue with them soon, but in the mean time you want them to know they are safe with you. Take care of yourself mama, you will be much more capable to be there for them and the fallout if you are well cared for. Hugs!

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