My two and a half year old is clashing with his stepfather need help with what to do

Jemma - posted on 08/22/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )




i have been with my partner for about 8 months now but he has only just moved in bout 2 months ago. It has always been me and my son since he was born,my son gets along with my partner some of the time better when i'm not around but they clash my partner just tries to tslk to him ask him how is day was and my son won't talk to him just says no to him all the time when he tries to talk. my partner is getting over it and says if i don't do something it will cost us our relationship i am due with his first child soon i want them to get along dont' wanna have to choose.i just think my son is still getting use to things and things will get better when he can talk better but my partner says i'm always making up excuses for my son and he think my son just plays me all the time. not sure what to do or how to get my son noty to react the way he does towards my partner


S. - posted on 08/23/2012




So this guy comes into your Childs life mixes up his world and routines, takes time alone with his mummy away and is becomes his new daddy with a new brother or sister on the way. Then the boyfriend sulk's and acts like a baby when the two year old doesn't answer him in the mannor of which he would like! Well news flash for your boyfriend, apart from the fact he's two and that's what two year old's do, he's also had to deal with what sounds to me like a whole lot of changes. By the sounds of things you don't need to be changing the way your son is with your partner but how your partner is with your son!

Jodi - posted on 08/22/2012




Let it cost you the relationship. Seriously, he issued you with an ultimatum? I'd say he isn't as invested in your relationship as you'd like to think. The child is 2 1/2. WTF does your partner expect? Sorry, it just makes me angry that he is so insensitive to the way a child thinks that HE issues YOU with an ultimatum.

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2012




For starters, he's 2.5. He doesn't know how to react "properly". Like you have said, it's been just the 2 of you since he can remember and now there's someone else who is getting your attention instead of him.

It's only been a couple of months and I think your boyfriend is being a bit unreasonable. 2yo's are known for being moody and grumpy if things aren't going their way. It can also take them a while to get used to change.

Your son could also be reacting to the impending birth of another child. He's going to have to share you even more when the baby comes along. I say, give some time to adjust to everything that's happened in the last couple of months.

Dove - posted on 08/22/2012




He's 2. He's going to be difficult and that is perfectly normal. If this man is willing to throw your relationship away over normal 2 year old behavior.... you don't want a relationship with him anyway. You don't want to have to choose? ANY man that would even put you in that place is a man you should run far, far away from.

[deleted account]

Your boyfriend is the one who has to put out the effort here. Your son is two. He is acting like a two year old. Your boyfriend needs to go out of his way to make your son feel loved and a part of this new family. I agree with the other poster that your boyfriend is acting unreasonable, expecting your son to act like a 10 year old. I have 5 kids. ALL OF THEM said NO! to me from ages 2-4. I think you and your boyfriend would benefit from family counseling so you could learn some tools to better make this transition.


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Roxanna - posted on 08/25/2012




Your partner, with good intentions, is trying to be a Father, but to disrupt the chil's routine is unacceptable. Regardless of your hormones, you need to stand up to him, the partner, not the child. He has already set a precedent with your son..he's TWO! Why is he yelling at a two year old!? My husband, step dad to my two girls would get into shouting matches with my oldest..first time she was thirteen, I never moved so fast in my life. I got right in his face and whispered, lower your voice, be an adult or get out and cool off. My PARENTS are not allowed to raise thier voices to my kids, much less a man who may or may not continue to be a part of your lives.

This is how he behaves now, yur partner, and you do NOTHING to protect and defend your son; What happens when he raises his hand to the new baby who will cry incessantly?

Ashley - posted on 08/22/2012




Ok I guess I have a dif opinion from everyone else. I have a 2.5 yr old and a 7 yr old. The 2.5 has seen her father much since he works outta the house majority of the time. Hes only home maybe 7 days a month in total. So its just me n the kids. My daughter knows the rules at home when its just mommy, but when daddy comes home, rules are different and she dont know them. But she gets told and does follow to changes. The kid needs to realize hes not in charge and things are changing. Yes hes only two but still should be following rules and learning respect. When my daughter decides not to listen or has an attitude we nip it right in the butt with a time out until she can behave nicely. So far it is working wonders. And yes your partner is wrong for making an ultimateum like that but you also need to get your kid to listen and have respect for him, expecially since your going to have another and you dont want the first one teaching "bad" things to the new one and disrespect the baby.

Dove - posted on 08/22/2012




It's totally your choice and your life, but from what I see just based on your two posts.... He needs to go. You've been with this man 8 months and are about to have his baby.... He moves into YOUR son's territory and starts changing everything in your son's life? Yeah, not just no, but HELL NO!! If the two of you are not a team in everything.... this relationship will not work anyway. If you both want to make it work.... I suggest couple's counseling immediately. Preferably with someone who may specialize in helping blended families learn to co-exist and co-parent.

Nikki - posted on 08/22/2012




I agree with the other ladies and I will add my 2.5 year old does this to my husband, her dad who she loves very much. It's normal behaviour, your partner needs to understand this. Kids are not always easy.

Jemma - posted on 08/22/2012




Thanks yeah i still think his getting used to things but my partner takes it to heart and i don't know why when my partner is at work my son always asks where daddy is he does love him but my partner doesn't think he does. since my partner has moved in as well he has changed a lot of things from my sons bedtime to what he can and can't do. i just can't really handle it all at the moment with my hormones running all over the place and i just really really emontional especially when they start yelling at each other it just doesn't get them any where.but thanks for the advice.

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