My two year old has really BAD tantrums....to the point of not even knowing I'm in the room. Don't know how to handle it. I've tried everything it seems..

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[deleted account]

Quoting Kristy:

I dont know your situation. So I am only giving you what I know. The word of God says if you spare the rod, you hate your child. I know you dont hate your child. My suggestion would be to start busting his bottom for his tantrums and be consistant. Rebellion has to be driven out of a child and the way to do that is to spank their bottoms. God Bless~



Unless of course there is an underlying problem that has nothing to do with being rebellious. Then you are just  "busting his bottom" for something he can not control and that would be abusive. I'm not getting into the "spank/don't spank debate" and I hope no one else does either. It's counterproductive. I will say, however, that before I advise someone to strike their child (and let's not debate over what "striking" is. Tap, smack, pat, spank, hit....whatever), I would advise talking with a professional.



 If he is out of control beyond reason, unable to be calmed down, destructive, self destructive and in a rage then you need to speak with your doctor. Toddlers have tantrums, that's where we get the phrase "terrible two's". That being said, the behavior should be managable. Tantrums that are unable to be resolved within a reasonable amount of time, tantrums that escalate rather than decelarate, frequent tantrums, destructive tantrums where things get broken or someone gets hurt all need to be evaluated by a medical professional, be it your pediatrician or a behavior specialist. A doctor can help you identify the "triggers" that cause this behavior so that you are better equipt to redirect the behavior and aviod the tantrum.



Also, I would question how much sleep is your child getting? Lack of sleep (2 year olds need at least 11.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night and a 2 hour nap during the day) can contribute greatly to behavior issues. Diet and food allergies can also contribute...so there is a lot to look at. I would start by speaking with your child's doctor.

Jovanne - posted on 06/09/2009

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At two years old, crying is their only way of communication (with a few phrases here and there). They can't fully communicate what may be wrong. They may have a earache, stomach ache, really wanted something that you took away....etc. You can try to plan ahead to prevent tantrums by avoiding the situations that cause them. During the tantrums, my mom always told me to go along around the house (keep doing your chores) like nothing is any different. Don't scream and shout at them - your giving them attention for what they are doing and they can push you to your limit! (where you finally give in or spank out of anger). If you spank, you NEVER want to spank out of anger! You spank understandingly and make sure they understand why. If they try to hurt themselves, put them in a play pen. When my daughter has tantrums for silly reasons (tired or cranky), I just say, "That is so silly - there is no reason to be crying over this!" and "What a silly baby!" (and kind of laugh). I definitely don't know from experience (with a 2 year old), but most of these are tips from my mom and I turned out ok. Good luck!

Jovanne - posted on 06/09/2009

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Quoting Amy:

If we are out we drop everything(leaving the cart behind if we at the store) and just go home(if we have alot of frozen or cold things i hand it off to an employee). Our if he is throwing a fit before we are supposed to go somewhere fun like the zoo I cancel the outing and we stay home....The grocery store is always the worst for us(because of candy and cookies and such). If we are at home I just walk away(never to where I can't keep my eye on him)....he is after MY attention(whether positive or negative) or I put him in his crib and say "You can come out when you are ready to be good". My little boy is 21 months and so I living there every day.



That is exactly what I was taught! Just pick up and leave immediately when in public with a tantrum. Another bad place for tantrums is fast food with a playground! They always throw a fit because they want to play and not eat - you just pick up and leave immediately because they learn immediately that behavior is not allowed there.

Kristy - posted on 06/09/2009

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I dont know your situation. So I am only giving you what I know. The word of God says if you spare the rod, you hate your child. I know you dont hate your child. My suggestion would be to start busting his bottom for his tantrums and be consistant. Rebellion has to be driven out of a child and the way to do that is to spank their bottoms. God Bless~

Holliday - posted on 03/10/2011

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I see people are not agreeing with what you wrote. I just wanted to say that I'm in total agreement. A child needs to learn that that type of behavior is not acceptable. This means using physical punishment (not abuse and when necessary) to teach them. I fully expect what I'm writing to upset someone but I don't care. The Word of God is the answer to everything you deal with in life.

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Jess - posted on 03/09/2011

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i haven't reached the age of these sorts of tantrums but a coworker once told me the way his wife handled it when his kids were young. she would pull up a chair, sometimes with drinks and a snack, and watch. after a minute or so, she would smile down at their daughter and just say, "You're funny!" and then encourage her to keep it up (for her amusement). Since the girl wasn't getting the response she wanted, she would settle down and eventually, they stopped. Not sure if this would work on every child but i may try it on my little girl when she gets to that point!

Katie - posted on 06/09/2009

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my son used to have really bad ones. I used to sit on the floor with him and hold him until he decided to stop and then we would talk about what happened. he would get so worked up that he would throw up because he was crying so hard. It eventually passed and now isn't so bad. They say it is the terrible two's but for us it was the three's that were the worst. hang in there it will get better!

Amy - posted on 06/09/2009

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If we are out we drop everything(leaving the cart behind if we at the store) and just go home(if we have alot of frozen or cold things i hand it off to an employee). Our if he is throwing a fit before we are supposed to go somewhere fun like the zoo I cancel the outing and we stay home....The grocery store is always the worst for us(because of candy and cookies and such). If we are at home I just walk away(never to where I can't keep my eye on him)....he is after MY attention(whether positive or negative) or I put him in his crib and say "You can come out when you are ready to be good". My little boy is 21 months and so I living there every day.

[deleted account]

Quoting Tonya:

ewwww. to the spanking thing!!! it will only make it worse!!! trust me.always ask a doctor about changes in behaivor....



I can see what your saying and it certainly doesn't hurt to ask a health professionsl. Preferably one who specialises in child development. However, I would exercise caution when doing this. Doctors can be wrong and finding a diagnosis for a child who might just be going through the two's thing is a bit premature. I'm from the UK and everyone agrees that most 18 mo/2/3 yr olds go through a really bad tantrum phase. It's known as "the terrible two's" over there.

Tonya - posted on 06/09/2009

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ewwww. to the spanking thing!!! it will only make it worse!!! trust me.always ask a doctor about changes in behaivor....

User - posted on 06/09/2009

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WELCOME TO MY WORLD! My daughter is the same way.. It's really embarrassing in public too, huh?? UGH. My daughter even resorts to hitting me and sometimes kicking.. I just make her look at me and explain that it isn't nice to yell or hit. If she keeps going (and she always does), she gets a couple minutes of "Time Out" and I leave the room. She will usually stop when she realizes that I'm not paying attention. I haven't really figured out what to do in public though-- usually we just leave wherever we are and go home. (I have started to pretend cry when she hits/kicks me too-- this works about 70% of the time.)

[deleted account]

Quoting Kristy:

I dont know your situation. So I am only giving you what I know. The word of God says if you spare the rod, you hate your child. I know you dont hate your child. My suggestion would be to start busting his bottom for his tantrums and be consistant. Rebellion has to be driven out of a child and the way to do that is to spank their bottoms. God Bless~



I see what you are saying and I fully agree with the Word of God when it comes to rebellion. However, I'm not so sure that this 2 year ols is rebelling. Usually the cause of toddlers tantrums is the experience of emotions that they are not used to and this scares them. This is why that time of a childs life is called the terrible 2's.



I have posted on a similar topic before and I have lived in two differnt countries and lived closely with people from a number of differnt cultures. I don't know where you are from in the world. But are you feeling social pressure to have a toddler that never tantrums? I ask this because expectations of children is cultural.



Now I'm not condoning bad behaviour at all. However, you need to be realistic in your expectations of what you expect from a 2 year old. Of course if your child is disobedient when you tell them not to do something and they ignore you then I believe in discipline. And yes, spanking on the bottom is a good method for a child that age. But if the child is having a tantrum as a reaction to something else like fear or not getting their own way then it might be better to try to calm him/her.



Once the child has calmed down to the extent that you can reason with them, then discipline might be appropriate depending on the situation. Trying to discipline a child mid tantrum is pretty futile in my opinion.  



I sugest responding to fear by trying to calm the child. Respond to bad behaviour by disciplining the child. And respond to a child who wants to get their own way by standing your ground and not giving in. What ever the situation try to calm the tantrum first by hugging/soft talking, or ignoring or distracting.

Tonya - posted on 06/09/2009

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I know its tough.. but your child may need a doctor.. i havd a daughter who is now ten and had screaming fits like that for hours and often. turns out she is slightly autistic. perfectly normal but she has always had those off the wall rage fits is what i would call them even as a baby.. its something to look in to. but i wouldnt start your child on any medicine for add or and sort of behaivor or attention proble unless your absolutly sure.

Marcy - posted on 06/09/2009

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When my son has his "moments" he literally throws himself on the floor, cries and throws things. I tell him in a nice calm voice that "Mommy will be in the other room when you are done crying and you want to behave please come out". The first few times he stayed in the other room for about 30 minutes crying and carrying on. Now it only lasts a few minutes because he realizes he isn't getting any attention. It has gotten to the point now when he comes out he tell me he is ready to act like a big boy. Good luck!

Lee-Ann - posted on 06/09/2009

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Beginning to think they all have tantrums. Our son still tantrums at 4. We've noticed some 'coincidences' though, and some articles said same thing. If he's not eaten in a while or he's tired, he's very prone to temper tantrum.
Also noticed tantrums when there were changes in his 'daycare'. Either a new teacher, or this week, one of his best friends left. Thinking he's hurt and doesn't know what to do with the emotion. (think how you feel when you're upset. after all they are humans too, just little ones)

Lisa - posted on 06/09/2009

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Did you ever try acting like he does. When he throws a tantrum act the same way. I did that and my kids saw how bad they looked and started to laugh and the tantrums really slowed down. Not stopped but are better. Hope it helps :)

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