My unborn child's grandparents

Eleanor - posted on 02/12/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I recently found out I'm pregnant with my ex's child. I'm almost 10 weeks gone. I am 20 and so is my ex and we are both at uni. He broke up with me at the end of December and started dating someone literally the day we broke up. I told him about the pregnancy 2 weeks ago. He made up loads of excuses to make me go through with a termination. I said no, he blocked me out of his life completely.

Last week on Tuesday I sent a letter from where I live (England) to Hong Kong (this is where his parents live). The letter was just me saying that I am not after their money and I am not trying to get back at my ex, I simply want to know if they want to be a part of their grandchilds life. I said in the letter that either way I understand, but could they respond to my letter just so I know where they stand. 10 days after sending the letter I haven't had a reply. His parents have known about this for 2 weeks now. Apparently when they found out I Was pregnant they were really angry at my ex and told him it was not their responsibility to support the child financially, it was his. I have never even met his parents, never even spoken to them which makes this even more confusing. I messaged y ex's brother on Facebook a couple of days ago just asking if he knew whether or not his parents had recieved the letter. He saw the message immediately but just ignored it.

Am I being paranoid here? Do I need to give them more time to respond? Surly they would respond just to let me know right? I mean if they want nothing to do with their grandchild that's fine but it's just polite to let me know. Should I write another letter? I have my first scan next week and am tempted to send them another letter with a copy of the scan included.

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Michelle - posted on 02/13/2016

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You can't make someone want to be a part of your child's life. You have done all you can so leave it now. It's up to them.

Sarah - posted on 02/12/2016

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Then you should have chosen a partner who wanted to parent. You informed his parents, what more can you do? Leave it be.

Eleanor - posted on 02/12/2016

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The reason this means so much to me has nothing to do with my ex, it's because I was the kid who didn't know my dad, who didn't know the other half of her family. I have only just managed to get into contact with my dad after 20 years and I still have t met anyone on his side of the family. I made that clear in the letter I sent them. I know I can't force them, but right now I don't even know if my letter got to them, that's the only reason I messaged his brother. I did not keep pestering him I just left it. I'm doing everything I can to avoid what happened to me happening to this child.

Michelle - posted on 02/12/2016

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I would drop it. They know, that's all that's needed. You can't make them want to be a part of this child's life.
To me sounds like you haven't really let go of your ex. If you have then stop contacting his family and move on.

Eleanor - posted on 02/12/2016

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He told his parents, I did not tell them. I only asked after he had told them. I am prepared to parent alone. I know I cannot force baby's father to be a parent and honestly unless he steps up and acts like a man I think we are better off without him. However I am still trying to do everything I can for my child, my child has a right to know fathers side of the family and fathers side of the family has a right to be a part of this child's life. By sending that letter I am giving everyone the opportunity. I made it clear in the letter that if they want to turn that opportunity down that is fine, but just let me know.

Sarah - posted on 02/12/2016

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They may be contacting an attorney as to how to advance. It was not your place to tell his parents; nor should you be reaching out to his brother. You need to prepare to parent alone; period. File for child support when baby arrives but if dad does not want to parent (just as your have that option) he does not have to parent. He is legally bound to support the baby financially. His family is not your concern; especially at 10 weeks. What do you expect them to do now?

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