My upset concerning with MIL

Cherry - posted on 09/23/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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All,

I am the new one for this group. I am a breastfeeding mother and my baby girl is 1year and 4months age.
I am really upset with my MIL. She is so selfish. She thinks always for her benefit. She is sometimes nice but sometimes difficult to understand. She comes from broken family. My husband comes too. My husband also know his mother's manner. But he feels his mother as pity and lonely. She always treats me as a queen. But I am not the one who lives as housewife and I am working mom. So, all of my knowledge that she can't overcome.
One thing I was upset is for my baby.
I hire a baby nurse to take care my baby since my baby was 2 months old child.
But she really treat badly all nurse that I hired. I change and change nurse now total 11 nurse that I faced.
She loves my baby that absolutely I believe. But she wants my baby with her manner. She always treat my baby with worry. "Don't do it, Don't go it" that I hated words (coz, I heard every times). And also many instruction she gave to my baby. "Do like that, Don't do like that" (Oh......... I'm so upset).
I want my baby girl with her own creation. No need to give many instruction. So, I always covered in front of my baby. "Do yourself, Don't worry" that my words.
As you know, all babies had their own manners and own creation.
I don't want my MIL instruction and worries to my baby.
If she do continuously that will be my baby without own thinking. (i.e, I also know that she treated my husband same that kinds and my husband also can't decide by himself still now).

I'm working mom, so, I leave my baby with home nurse at home (actually, that my MIL home).
So, I heard that my MIL instruct to my baby from home nurse. Home nurse also knows that my MIL is over worrier. But she can't treat her badly. Coz, she always told that "that's my home, live my rules".

Oh Oh........ how upset that........
To live only, that couldn't be. Coz, my husband and me still work.

Wow wow.
BTW, thanks for my feeling as sharing to you and hope that I got some advise from you.

Thanks all mom.

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Dove - posted on 09/25/2016

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We understand the problem, but the fact is that she does not respect you. You can't MAKE her respect you. You do not have the power to control how she behaves. The only thing you have the power to control is your reaction to it... and as long as you are still living in her house.. you aren't going to be able to eliminate this problem.

She absolutely should respect you as your child's mother. She is wrong here. But you can't change her if she doesn't want to change.

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Cherry - posted on 09/25/2016

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Yes, it's her home, her rule.
But she should know that I support her for monthly (even if I'm DIL, I support her same as my parents. All supported is mine, not with my husband)
So, I think she should realize the condition.
According to my parent's caregiver, my mind not allow her to neglect (even she is so selfish). But I only wish that she realize the condition and I wish she don't give me any burden for confuse.

Care center didn't accept to take caring as my baby age, reason is so young.
In our country, care center only accept at least 2.5years of child.

All of you told it's her home, her rules. Right, I accept. But my baby is not her baby. It's my baby.
She is sometimes strange like that. If she argue and fight with someone, she treat my baby with rude and shout.
I can't accept. My baby is not one that she explore.
Do you know what I mean? Do you accept like this problem?

Dove - posted on 09/23/2016

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This is your child, so she should be raised your way... but as long as you are living with MIL you will likely continue to have issues with her. It seems like your best option would be for you and your husband to get a living space of your own. Until you can do that it would probably be best for your daughter to either have you at home with her or to have her in a daycare center away from the home during your work time. Children thrive on consistency and stability and having that many caregivers in such a short amount of time and having conflict among caregivers (caregiver vs. MIL... or you vs. MIL) throughout the day is going to confuse her and cause her to act out more and more as she gets older.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/23/2016

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Why bring up the broken home? It has no bearing on your complaint.

Why are you living in her home, instead of your own? She is right: her home, her rules.

Why are you continuing to bring in nannies? Why not a care center?

Get out on your own. This will alleviate most of your problems, at least with your mil

Michelle - posted on 09/23/2016

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A few issues to address:
1: Being from a broken home has nothing to do with your situation so there was no need to bring it up.
2: Why are you living in her house? As long as you are there you will have the same problems.
3: Why not look at child care instead?
4: You could always stay at home instead.

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