My Violent Ex wants access to my son after a year.

Jade - posted on 12/07/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

5

0

1

I'm getting really worked up and worried. My Violent Ex wants access to my 11months old baby who was adamant wasn't his. Posted his scan picture back. And was aggressive and violent the whole 4 years I was with him. He isnt on the birth certificate as he wanted nothing to do with my baby and because of his violence. I also have a harassment order against him because when we split up early stages of my pregnancy after he attacked me again he then started stalking me. And knocking me up late at night .He has then moved on to a different relationship since and behaved the same way. He is now taking me to court to get access which makes me sick to my stomach he may be around my son. What are the chances of him getting access? What are the steps? Will court grant access and then give him parental rights? Sorry about the long post. Thanks in advance.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 12/07/2015

7,380

7

910

http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-circ...

This link is to a bit of advice on here about custody, visitation, and child support. While it does not cover things such as domestic abuse in the relationship the advice is just as good about what you should be doing. But the others have it right. The child does need to have the chance at relationships with both of you. At this point if he is filing for access to the child, he can get it. How much? We can not tell you that but only the judge can determine what is what. But that advice might help you get through this and just know that a lot of us on here have been through a divorce or break up with kids involved and custody issues no matter the circumstances. So we understand the frustrations of custody if we do not understand the abuse/harassment of it. I am sorry you were in such a situation but when a child is involved unless that child was endangered as well directly, then the father can get access of some sort. I wish you well though.

Jodi - posted on 12/07/2015

3,560

36

3907

He already has parental rights.....he is the father. He is now just filing to exercise them. His violence was against you and not the child, so yes, he will most likely be granted access. You need to get a lawyer and push for supervised access if you are not comfortable with him having unsupervised access. However, the fact remains, he is the child's father and the child does have a right to a relationship with him.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/07/2015

21,273

9

3058

First of all, get a lawyer. Secondly, record every time he contacts you. never erase any e mails or texts especially if they are showing poor character. Thirdly, he is not on the BC so he will have to prove paternity first with a DNA test. If he proves to be the father, set up child support, then comes visitation. I have a hard time believing any judge would give him 50/50 custody right off the bat since he hasn't spent time with the baby, but it could happen. Protect yourself and your baby with a good family lawyer. Don't do it alone. You wont win. Good luck love!

10 Comments

View replies by

Ev - posted on 12/07/2015

7,380

7

910

The point is you need the proof and I am glad to hear that you have been able to get the other girlfriends of his past and so on to come to your aid in this. But the bottom line is if the violence was towards you alone, the judge still might grant some sort of visits for him to see the child. You should be prepared for that. Also with the drug use and dealing and other things, see if you can find proof of arrests and convictions and anything else that might lend credence to your situation. If you can not find that, then ask for those mutual drug tests. At least that way you do know.

Jade - posted on 12/07/2015

5

0

1

Thankyou. I will do that too. Could I also put forward anger management. I've never taken drugs. And he's always been a weed smoker and had bad paranoia which always ending with violence towards me and I've also heard he's been taking crack? How true that is I don't know but again wouldn't put it past him.

Jade - posted on 12/07/2015

5

0

1

I haven't any proof of his drug takin. But believe he has been pulled with his friend who deals drugs. As for the violence and stalking. I rang police a number of times and he then also had an harassment order placed on him. I've spoke to the girlfriend before me and the girlfriend after me and they said they will come forward for me and explain the violence there. I also have got in touch with a witness that was present when he stamped on my head. So I'm hoping she'll come forward too. I have all texts saved on my old phone as well as constant phone calls. Thank you for commenting.

Sarah - posted on 12/07/2015

8,728

0

21

If you think he is currently using, and you are clean; ask the judge for mutual drug screenings. All it will take his him refusing and you having a clean screen for things to shift to your favor.

Dove - posted on 12/07/2015

11,688

0

1349

Visitations may start in a contact center if he is awarded supervised visitations, but not if he is granted unsupervised.

What evidence do you have of his drug use and abuse? Texts, emails, police reports, possibly eye witnesses willing to testify? Without any solid evidence it is your word against his... and judges don't tend to listen to things like that much w/out proof.

Get a lawyer and compile all of your evidence for them. Good luck!

Jade - posted on 12/07/2015

5

0

1

Thankyou for taking the time and give me all your advice. It's just really scary and upsetting to think my son is going to be in company of him. I couldn't say and wouldn't know if he would harm my baby. But I really wouldn't put anything past hi on anger.. Not only is it the violence I'm worried about but the drug taking and aggression. Or being violent in front of my baby. I've booked an appointment to see a solicitor. I also hate to think he would have 50-50 custody. Would it start in a contact centre? I'm just an emotional wreck at the moment.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms