My wife gave guardianship of her daughters to her parents six years ago, am I responsible to pick up her lack of financial responsibility?

Michelle - posted on 10/06/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My wife believes that because her parents are raising her children that as their step-parent, I am obligated to provide the same financial benefits to them that I would to my son. My wife also has hardly worked in the year we've been married. I'm carrying the household finances. Her daughters do not live with us. Up until recently, they came over on a regular basis. She expects our household to provide the same amount of money for birthday parties, presents, outings, holidays, etc as I do for my biological son. Otherwise, it isn't seen as fair and will cause issues between the children. She also believes it's unfair for us to take my son (who is living with us) on outings without her children and to sign him up for any recreational activities. Thoughts on how to negotiate this battle?

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Amy - posted on 10/08/2014

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More then likely the grandparents don't acknowldege your son because of your wife's poor parenting choices and her lack of support for the children she gave up. You really need to look at it from their point of view, I'm not sure that I would of married or had a child with someone who gave up their rights as a parent and provides no financial support but I don't know the whole story. If you think your wife should contribute and she had a job before you got married then you should let her know that she should continue contributing but given her past I wouldn't expect it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/07/2014

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Ok, so your wife is lazy, she needs to pull her head out of her ass, and realize that she's an adult (and start acting the part).

If she signed legal custody over to her parents, yes, SHE should be paying her parents support. So should the father of the children. If the parents want to pursue that, they can. If SHE wants to provide extravagant presents for HER kids, that's great. SHE can do so with money that she earns from her job.

Likewise, if you are providing for YOUR child, she should not dictate how that provision is made.

In other words, she made her bed, she can lie in it. If she wants to be supportive of her kids, that's great, but she should not dictate your level of support or interaction with YOUR child.

Michelle - posted on 10/06/2014

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I appreciate your comments. Thank you! The birthday thing irks me a little, only because they are receiving additional gifts from their grandparents (who purchase them as if they are their own kids). Does that make sense? So essentially, they are getting double. Her parents won't even have anything to do with my son.

Jodi - posted on 10/06/2014

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Your wife doesn't sound like a very responsible person. If her children are not living with you, then she needs to get a damn job and help with the household finances if she is going to dictate to you how to use the money.

With regard to the equality between children, it IS only fair that the children receive equal birthday gifts, etc. I have a blended family, two step children who don't live with us, my son who does live with us and then we have a daughter together. We treat them all equally, but the children who don't live with us don't always get to come on our outings, etc. The children who live with us full time are signed up to recreational activities, etc by us, but the other two are signed up by their mother as they live with her most of the time. It would be totally unfair of me to prevent my children from having extra curricular activities just because we can't do the same for my step-children.

BUT, having said that, their mother receives child support too. Does your wife pay child support? I'm guessing no, in which case, maybe she needs to grow up and take responsibility for her life.

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