Concerned - posted on 02/07/2016 ( 12 moms have responded )
Need advice or another set of eyes for better perspective. I've been married for 5 years and have been with my wife for a total of 9 years. We have 2 kids together. Our relationship has not been the best lately but we were working on it. Here is a time-line of the problem:
1/23 = wife tells me she is pregnant but will abort if our relationship doesn't work out. My reply is we need to work on it daily and to absolutely have the child.
1/24 = wife scheduled abortion, asked me to accompany her in secret from her family and friends. I declined and told her I will have no part in this and if she does this it will devastate me.
1/25 = wife schedules marriage counseling for Friday Jan 29, I adamantly plead with her not to abort
1/29 = at counselor wife claims that if she keeps the baby she'll go crazy and we won't be together. We both asked her to clarify, she insists I'm twisting her words and never addresses the double ultimatum she gave me.
1/30 = wife goes through with abortion, subsequently seems relieved and shows no remorse. Then she goes on about how I'm a drama queen or diva because I'm incredibly upset and enraged about her getting an abortion.
I am truly disgusted, got a storage for my stuff and want to leave her. Sadly this would be to the detriment of my 2 small children whom I am an excellent father to, this really kills me. Btw I make good money so finances are not a big problem plus she works too. I can't fathom why she would give me a double ultimatum. I think it could only be that either way she wants the relationship to be over, or perhaps the child is someone else's. BTW even if it was someone else's child I would tell her to keep it as I would support it too even if I wasn't together with her.
Now let me be very clear I do not have any reason to believe the child is someone else's but that doesn't mean it's not possible. It never occurred to me to ask her if the child is mine when she told me she was pregnant nor did I bring it up at all again I doubt it's someone else's but what I can't figure out for the life of me is why would she tell me on one hand that if she is not going to be with me then she would get an abortion, then on the other hand she says if she has the child then she'll go crazy and hormonal and break up with me.
Now that she actually had the abortion she is walking around relieved and acting as if she is trying to work things out, she has the gall to ask me why I'm upset and not speaking with her despite the fact that I told her I am upset and do not want to talk to her. I am cordial for things we still need to get done, I do speak with her. Please understand I am NOT being childish nor am i avoiding the issue I am just so outraged that I want to choke her and I've never been a violent man.
Now she is acting as though she wants to work on our relationship. I am numb and do not know what to do all I know is I want to be far away from her however her choice is still causing me to lose my children if we break up. Any additional viewpoints or suggestions are welcome thank you for taking the time to consider my dilemma.