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MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Alex - posted on 10/28/2013

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I'm a single dad with full custody of my two kids. Why does you and society assume that only mothers are able to have all the custody and are super moms? News flash, you don't do a better job than single dads and yes there's dads with sole custody of the kids so you arent special.

Isobel - posted on 11/10/2009

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Sounds like you have my life 6 years ago, I know it's brutal but being accomodating is what won me permanent custody.

The library is good, my ex also used to go to museums, the local public pool, his parents' house, played in the snow, walked around in the mall...the library worked the best though.

Good Luck!

Sara - posted on 11/10/2009

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It's hard, and I think I know what kind of relationship you are coming from, and trust me, I have been there. You'll get better about it over time. Just remember, his mother may have made him into the man he has become, but you didn't. It's not your job to fix his problems, and I am sure with two kids, you have more important things to worry about then how or when he will visit.

One day, you'll see that no matter how nice you are, no matter how accomadating, it is never enough for someone like that. Your stressing out, and I am sure he hasn't given it a second thought. Keep your chin up, You can shut that drama off. Good luck!

Cheryl - posted on 11/09/2009

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i don't live there but i live in colorado so i know about parks and snow, pick a place indoors, where he can still play with the kids or if your comfortable around his family (mother, sister, brother who ever) or if your family is comfortable having him around, a good mutual friends house who has not choosen sides during your relationship troubles, i know that when my step-nephew was in foster care we visited him at McDonalds so he could play with his little brother and sister (who were 1 and 2 1/2) you could try that, that way your ex can still play with them as the winter months start to get even colder

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Julia - posted on 11/10/2009

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Quoting Sara:



Quoting Julia:




Quoting Sara:

I have to wonder, if he fails to provide a safe place for this visitation to occur, is it really up to you to make these arrangements? I only ask because I had it written into my visitation papers (after many months of me accomodating his wishes) that if my ex wasn't capable of providing a suitable environment, there would be no visitation. It sounds cruel, but without the license, without the home, it seems unfair that you are looking for solutions to what clearly sounds like a problem he has created. I don't think you are limited. I hope that isn't to forward.







From what I have been told, I really shouldn't be making these decisions anyway, that it isn't my responsibility. I just want it to look that I am making an effort if it ever goes into court.









I understand where you are coming from, I used to be very accomodating with my ex husband and his issues as well (remarkably the same, no job, no home, no license).  It caused many problems with my new husband, obviously.  I really didn't realize the excess stress I was bringing on myself, it's a good thing that you do.





Thank you. Yes, it is very stressful. While I was pregnant with my daughter I had anxiety attacks to the point of passing out. Luckily I never passed out, but it did terrify me because I had my son to look after. Recently, I have been experiencing some of the same symptoms as I did when I was pregnant (the anxiety attacks). We are meeting this Thursday to try and schedule out his visitations. He can't keep track of when it is his weekends because there was a period he didn't show or contact me in any way.



I am dating another guy for a year now. He loves the kids dearly and tries to help out in any way that he can. I have known him since high school. We have going through this mess and stress together as best as we can. Yes, he sometimes gets upset because I try not to fight. But I know he understands why I don't. Right now, the kids' father is acting really childish and throwing a temper fit. Right now, he is upset because I am not bringing the kids to our meeting. By the way, we are meeting at the library because it is public and there is no way he can raise his voice at me. We only talk through facebook or myspace. I don't have a phone. I told him that they go to daycare and that it would be difficult for us to plan these things with the kids running around. It doesn't help the fact he is making the situation worse and going along with every rumor he hears in town. I'm not much about drama. I didn't like it in school and still don't like it now. I'm trying to ignore it, but it seems that it is hurting me. 



I do appreciate your response. It is nice to hear that someone has been in my situation. Even though I know that I am not the only one that has been through this, it is just nice to hear encouragement and advice from someone who has been there or is currently there. Thank you.

Sara - posted on 11/09/2009

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Quoting Julia:



Quoting Sara:

I have to wonder, if he fails to provide a safe place for this visitation to occur, is it really up to you to make these arrangements? I only ask because I had it written into my visitation papers (after many months of me accomodating his wishes) that if my ex wasn't capable of providing a suitable environment, there would be no visitation. It sounds cruel, but without the license, without the home, it seems unfair that you are looking for solutions to what clearly sounds like a problem he has created. I don't think you are limited. I hope that isn't to forward.





From what I have been told, I really shouldn't be making these decisions anyway, that it isn't my responsibility. I just want it to look that I am making an effort if it ever goes into court.





I understand where you are coming from, I used to be very accomodating with my ex husband and his issues as well (remarkably the same, no job, no home, no license).  It caused many problems with my new husband, obviously.  I really didn't realize the excess stress I was bringing on myself, it's a good thing that you do.

Julia - posted on 11/09/2009

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Quoting Sara:

I have to wonder, if he fails to provide a safe place for this visitation to occur, is it really up to you to make these arrangements? I only ask because I had it written into my visitation papers (after many months of me accomodating his wishes) that if my ex wasn't capable of providing a suitable environment, there would be no visitation. It sounds cruel, but without the license, without the home, it seems unfair that you are looking for solutions to what clearly sounds like a problem he has created. I don't think you are limited. I hope that isn't to forward.


From what I have been told, I really shouldn't be making these decisions anyway, that it isn't my responsibility. I just want it to look that I am making an effort if it ever goes into court.

Debra - posted on 11/09/2009

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Julia I live on Ohio but iam also going though the same thing the only advice i can give you is stay in public places. Ask yur local police department or children agencey they should help.

Debra - posted on 11/09/2009

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Quoting Julia:

Visitation Ideas

My ex has supervised visits with our 2 kids. Our kids are the ages of 2 and 1. The thing is, sometimes it rains on his days. I know that it will be snowing soon enough. We live in Front Royal. I have no clue on where they visit with each other. We were going to the park. He is not allowed in my apartment, and he does not have a place of his own. He stays from place to place. I need some ideas. If you live in Front Royal, VA that would be even better. Thanks!


 

Sara - posted on 11/09/2009

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I have to wonder, if he fails to provide a safe place for this visitation to occur, is it really up to you to make these arrangements? I only ask because I had it written into my visitation papers (after many months of me accomodating his wishes) that if my ex wasn't capable of providing a suitable environment, there would be no visitation. It sounds cruel, but without the license, without the home, it seems unfair that you are looking for solutions to what clearly sounds like a problem he has created. I don't think you are limited. I hope that isn't to forward.

Julia - posted on 11/09/2009

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Thanks for all your comments! We do not have play areas at our fast foods. We do not have a mall. All that kind of stuff is like a half an hour away. The library is a good idea, just not on Sundays because they are closed now. I have not thought about a church. I will check into that. The father does not have a license. So, we are limited.

[deleted account]

Developmentally - where are the children at right now? That's where I would start - and then tailor the visits around that and then the location will be easy to determine. :) Good luck!

Carrie - posted on 11/09/2009

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We did supervised visitation with the kiddo's mom at a mall that had a play area in it. It works for the little ones until they are more independant. Hope you find something that works for you.

April - posted on 11/09/2009

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We have the same situation going on. My husband and I call the non-emergency police number before every visit and they will send an officer to supervise the visitation. Actually, one of the police officers told me "what do you think we get paid for?"

Pamela - posted on 11/09/2009

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You could also try a YMCA if you have one. Or a church that has a place for kids to play. Any place where they allow arts & crafts. One year old finger painting is truly fun, if you don't mind the mess.

Evelyn - posted on 11/09/2009

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Wow, OK we have a cabin up there so I know there is not much to do. Do you have a recreation center there where they could go and play or what about a library? They could sit there and color or read books. And even a mall. Most of them have play areas now plus they could have lunch and play. If nothing else maybe if you had a mutual friend that you trusted maybe they could meet there for an hour or 2.

Sharon - posted on 11/09/2009

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They can meet at Child Protective Services offices, a McDonalds w/an indoor playground, a Library, or a trusted relatives' home.

La Lonnie - posted on 11/09/2009

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I don't live in VA sorry but I might have a suggestion or 2... Try indoor play areas like Mc Donalds play place, Chuckie Cheese or something of that nature. That way you are in a very public arena and you can keep your eye on the both of them!

Niki - posted on 11/09/2009

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library or social service office! my fiace mom is going trough this he gets their son 2 times a week and they go to either the social sevice office or a book store or somewhere like that whee they can visit but still be watched

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