MOST HELPFUL POSTS
~â¥Little Miss - posted on 06/06/2013
Well we are only able to go off of what you have told us, and for the most part it is how your husband has dealt with it.
You are living on your own now with a good distance between all of you. Either try to rebuild the relationship, or let it go. She very well may not like you, and may be treating you the same as you are treating her. It doesn't sound like you like them very much either.
Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 06/06/2013
I see nothing wrong with you asking people to wash their hands before handling your child. I asked everyone who entered my home to please wash their hands the first few months my daughter was born and I still prefer people to not touch her hands since she puts them in her mouth unless they have clean hands. No one has ever gotten offended so it could be the way you are coming across. I do think though your in laws lost respect for you bc of the way you handled things by always going through your husband when you had a problem. They would probably have listened what you said if you approached them in a different way and Just said " Oh by the way can you please knock next time bc I tend to walk around naked!" ( just to be silly and lighten the mood). They probably meant no harm in walking in unannounced, and it shows they were treating you like family that they welcomed you to their home. They were probably feeling like you were picking at little things that wernt so important and getting your husband involved which could cause someone to be a little spiteful and put up the pic of his ex. I think you should talk to them and explain that you want to be close and ask them What bothers them if you care about having a real relationship with them. It seems they truly tried to treat you like a daughter and you misinterpreted their actions. They gave you a roof over your head and even told you to feel at home so it seems somehow you are the one who made things weird in the relationship
Amy - posted on 06/06/2013
All the ladies did give you advice on how to deal with your mother in law. Forget about the past and continue to treat her the way you want to be treated. I'm sure you don't see them that often anymore, but when you do just be nice. Try not to read too much into her actions, and unless she is disrespecting you (calling you names to your face) just try to let it go.
~â¥Little Miss - posted on 06/06/2013
Along with Jodi's advice, I would STOP putting your husband in the middle of everything. Maybe that is why they keep disrespecting you, because you don't stand up for yourself. But do it in an adult fashion.
Jodi - posted on 06/06/2013
Continue to act nicely and courteously. She lives 2 1/2 hours away, so you should be able to do this. Never make a man choose between you and his mother unless you have truly solid grounds - I'm not seeing this as solid grounds to alienate them.
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Emily - posted on 06/06/2013
If I were the mother in law in this scenario I would feel VERY MUCH like you were just doing immature complaining. Having my son come to me to tell me all of your concerns shows me you're not self actualized enough to do it yourself. Putting him in the middle only adds to his stress and your discomfort. He shouldn't have to play telephone or deal with the harsh emotions or worry of not conveying something properly between you two.
If I were you in this situation I would certainly find more constructive things to be concerned about and slapping the messanger was a terrible idea which would also make me upset (as the Mom).
I'd say one way to help your relationship with her would be to stop pretending like your husband is a part of that equation.
I appreciate your opinion but really all I wanted was advice as to how to deal with my mother in law when I'm treating her as any other family should be treated, and when I feel like I'm not getting that treatment back, that is why my post isn't as detailed with information. Kelly, I don't see how you think I wasn't nice to them? Was it so wrong for me to have asked them to wash their hands before holding my newborn baby? Really no pun was intended there.That is one of the first things Pediatricians advice anyone with a newborn to do. My husbands family took it offensively because they have other customs and believes. I never tell told them don't hold my baby. The reason we lived with my husbands family for 3 months was because my husband lived with his parents already, he paid for rent, utilities and so forth. I was attending school fulltime obtaining my Masters degree and was living with my parents when I found out I was pregnant, and was due to give birth 2 weeks before I was going to graduate. I couldn't just drop out of school and move away with my husband and get our own place. My husband and I commuted 2 1/2 hours while dating and even while married to see each other. To answer your question about the picture, through out the whole time I had gone over to their house ( 4 years to be exact) NEVER had an incident like that happened . I actually think that the picture was placed there with a malice intention. As for the phone call, if you re-read my post I didn't ask my husband to call anyone. He chose to do it. I really didn't post anything addressing me standing up for myself because it was not relevant to the advice that I need. I just gave a brief. I was going through post partum depression at the time. Once again, I appreciate you taking the time to read my post and comment. Thank you :)
I have to agree with the others. It doesn't sound like you were very nice to them, so why would you expect them to be nice to you?
They let you live with them for 3 months--this is something my parents would NEVER do. It's a huge inconvenience and burden for his parents. Then you had the nerve to tell them you didn't want them holding your baby. She's their grandchild! Of course they will be offended if you say you don't want them to hold her.
As for the picture, it doesn't matter who put it there--it wasn't your picture, and it wasn't your refrigerator, and it wasn't even in your house. They have the right to put up any picture they wish in their own home, and if it offended you so much you couldn't ignore it, you could have left, but to ask someone to take a picture of someone they love down just because she had a relationship once with your husband is a little petty and rude.
I didn't see anywhere in your post where you stood up for yourself--you said you asked your husband to tell your inlaws not to open the door without knocking, you asked your husband to call them about the picture, and you told your husband you didn't want your inlaws to hold your baby. You're putting him in the middle of everything, and it's going to strain the relationship.
If I were you, I'd just continue being nice and hope she does the same. If you want her to actually like you, apologize for the way you acted back then--just tell her it's been on your mind lately and that you were young, stressed out, and realize now that you're looking back that you might have seemed rude or ungrateful, but you weren't trying to be that way, you were just stressed out and nervous about being a new mom. She'll understand.
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms