Narcissistic adult children

Regina - posted on 05/30/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I found this group looking for information on adult narcissistic children. Most of what I can find is geared toward teen boys physical abuse. Where else can I go for help with this specific problem online?

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Grammieann - posted on 06/07/2016

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Hi again, Regina - It's been a few days but I wanted to touch base again and let you know I'm praying. You've had a difficult and painful journey with your family, but I pray for a breakthrough that will allow grace and healing into your relationships. No matter what has happened, you are a valuable person who is worthy of dignity and respect. God knows and cares about all you are going through, and He loves you with an everlasting love. May He be your strength and shield today and in the days to come. Psalm 28:7

Grammieann - posted on 06/01/2016

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Hi Regina - I'm sorry about your situation. It sounds very painful and tough to deal with. It's good you are seeing a therapist - often a professional can give you tools for navigating situations where not everyone is "playing by the same rules." Someone gave me this information some time ago about dealing with narcissism in a loved one: http://bit.ly/1PkfSu3 Not sure if it's what you are looking for, but I found it very helpful. Hugs and prayers - Ann

Regina - posted on 06/01/2016

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That wasn't well written but I hope it made since. I came from a hurting mom trying to move faster down the road of healing.

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Regina - posted on 06/01/2016

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Thank you for your reply and the article. One thing that caught my attention in it is the part that said 'those closest to the narcissist can get "sucked into" the narc's viewpoint' That seems to be what has happened here. The kids have his viewpoint. They blame and accuse me and play the victim like him and with his blessing. This makes me look like the 'bad guy' if I complain and at first my counselor was trying to diagnose me as Borderline Personality Disorder because they were accusing me but I was only taking responsibility for some things. I'm only going to take responsibility for what I've done and not everything they want to blame and accuse me for. That is not my diagnosis now that I've been going for a few months now. Therapy with the teen children will be ongoing and therapy with the adult children is just now about to start. I realized that she wanted control when she grew up but thought that seemed like a normal part of wanting to be an adult and she would get over it in a couple of years. She didn't. She has 5 kids now and even though I have apologized for everything I've ever done to her, she is blaming me for something or other now and says we have to start our relationship over, refuses to even talk to me or let me see the grandkids. She professes to be Christian and says she is at peace with this decision and is honoring me in this way even though it has been explained to her that this is not honoring me, it is refusing to honor me. I have 2 adult, 2 teen and 1 that is almost 11. This is a very sad situation with their father turning them against me. It is going to be very hurtful to go through for all of us. I can't even imagine how the kids will feel to learn that they have been abusing their own mother with their father helping and encouraging them. It's so messed up! They are going to therapy now thinking that they are going to tell the therapist what is wrong with me so I can be better. Because nothing is wrong with them. It's parental abuse but I still can't find anything on it.
Even most of the ladies on here got other's blaming and accusing them when they wrote and posted here.
I too stayed with this man for 25 years and took this abuse. My kids were raised under this abuse. It's as much my fault for putting up with it and not doing more to stop it years ago but it doesn't help to accuse. We are all here looking for answers on how to move forward or maybe just let it out and hope someone will understand or listen.

Regina - posted on 05/31/2016

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My husband is narcissistic. His main form of control was broken promises. He used blaming/accusing an more recently gaslighting extensively. He also taught the children to do this. Not on purpose but just in life. When they would accuse me of wrong doing for making them feel bad because I had corrected them like a mother should, he would use that as a way to get them on his side, so to speak. I hope that makes sense. They all blamed and accused me. Now years later, they still blame and accuse me for anything I say and do and withhold grandchildren as a means of hurting me and as manipulation. This is a form of parental abuse. They use gaslighting by contolling the conversation to then not tell me what it is that I have done wrong, saying that I should know what I have done, they have told me before, that sort of thing. I am in therapy and am in the process of getting into family therapy with them. I can't find any information on this specific subject, just that it is abuse, it does happen.

Raye - posted on 05/31/2016

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Has your child been actually diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Or are you labeling them a Narcissist due to general selfishness? If they have been diagnosed, then their doctor should have explained treatment (usually counseling). They are adults, and can refuse treatment. You are also an adult, and can refuse to involve yourself in their drama. If you can't come to grips with the situation, maybe you should seek counseling for yourself. It could help you gain a new perspective and approach when dealing with your adult child.

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