Naughty Spot works

Nickii - posted on 02/27/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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the naughty spot works so good words can not even explin. people tell me all the time öh it wont work for me cause my boy wont stay there"well of corse it doesnt work because if he doesnt stay there then YOUR not working hard enough. Keep putting him/her back eventualy he/she will give up and stay there the first couple of time you might have to keep putting her/him back for 4 hours (if you have to do it this long then you have a stubborn little one) hten you have to but majority of kids wont be able to keep it up longer than half an hour. So whats half an hour out of you day if it works? when we go out I always stop my 2 and a half year old before we get into the shops or playgroup, kneel down and say "Kaiya now mommy is going to ask you to play nicely, theres no hitting/pushing or being mean and you must share or be good stay my mummy in the shops otherwise mommy is going to put you on the naughty spot in front of everyone okay"and he says yes mommy.



Honestly if you do it proply it WILL work I have been using this teqnique since he was 1.

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Ev - posted on 12/25/2012

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Making a kid sit for four hours is a bit much. By this time they have forgotten why they are there at all. A child's memory at ages 1-3 is not that long. Their focus is not that long either. Other things to use are redirection which I find works best in the 2 year old ages. I work with this age five days a week. I had one child that used bad words but I had been warned. Instead of a time out, over the period of a few weeks when the child used those words I would remind them each time we did not use them at school. After a few weeks the child did not use them anymore because not only did I remind and redirect the type of words used but I also did not use those words. Time out would not have worked in this case. Also if a child has to repeatedly sit in time out for four hours with it stopping and starting like that you defeat the purpose of a time out.

Nickii - posted on 03/09/2009

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You just need to keep putting them back, over and over again. You can start doing this at an early age they will learn. How young does a baby learn that if they cry you will pick them up? well its the same sort of principle. Whatever the age of your child at the start he/she will try and get off but every time they get off put them straight back there. Theres no need to say anything other than a couple of time "stay there/stay there for 1 minute" and other times give them silent tretment. Sometimes if my sons in a checky mood and keeps getting of like over 5 times ill say "thats fine Kaiya you can keep getting off but every time you get off your minute start again and I will keep puttin you back for the rest of the day if I have to"



 



Eventually he/she will stay there. The first couplen of time it may take you half an hour, if you have a very stong headed shild it could take an hour, i myself have never eperienced this or seen it take this long but if your going to start this technique then you need to be prepeared to keep going for the whole time even if it does take an hour.



 



You can do it, its easy, it might sound hard but youll see.



 



the most important thing to remember is not to use it for too many things or you are missusing the technique. And you MUST ALWAYS give a warning first. If your child is doing something that you dont want them do like... ill try and think of one of my examples...



 



My 2 and a half year old loves to put hiscrust on the floor in little bits even when hes got a perfectly clear plate to put them on, if im washing the dishes or doing houswork I might peer in the room to check on him and yep there again his crust is all over the floor. now right there I have to stop and think because there is 2 ways I could handle this I could A: Kneel down (very important to be the same height as them) and say with a stern voice "Kaiya that is very naughty mommy has asked you many times before not to put your crust on the floor, now I want you to help me pick it up and put it on your plate"if he is in a good mood then he will help me and I would say "thank you Kaiya for helping mommy pick up your crust thats a good boy, now mommy is asking you not to put your crust on the floor, if I see you do that again you will go on the naught spot for 1 mintue" now if he was in a bad moos, wich this is more likely to be the case he will be very rude and yell NO "then I would again kneel down to his level and say "Kaiya that was not a very nice way to talk to mommy, mommy asked you to pick up your crust because you know your not supposes to put it on the floor,  you do not be rude and you need to help mommy clean it up or you will go on the naughty spot" he would then ushually help me and then I would again give him the warning before he started eating again "Kaiay now you were a good boy thank you for picking that up, now dont put anymore crust on the floor or you will go on the naughty spot"



 



Now I tend to go a different approach because I find that he will listen, I would when I hand him his plate say "kaiya here is your lunch, when you finish eating it then please put your crust on the plate and not on the floor, now would you like a different bowl to put your crust on if you dont want to put it on your plate"he then ushually says yes please mom and then I would say "right well you have your bowl for the crust so if you put your crust on the floor you will go on the naughty spot"this way i am eliminating the mess in the middle.



 



Anyway I kinda went off your question sorry, yes your child will not stay on the spot to start with as they never do because they want to test you and see how far they can go BUT as soon as they learn (which they will) that you are not going to back down and that your quite happy to keep putting them back all day if you have to then they will not get off because they will think öh its not worth fighting mom because i will get tired I might as well stay here because 1 minute is shorter than all the time it takes me to get off and mom put me back"and believe it or not they realise this at an early age just like how babies cry to be picked up. I wouldnt use the naughty spot under 12 months old though, you can try and it may work for you but personally I wouldnt. Hope that helps, and if you feel yourself getting stressed and frusturated because they keep getting of IMPORTANT do not let your child see put them back on the spot and go to your romm immediately and close the door, take a few deep breaths and think, this will work if I dont give up and walk back out there as if they are not bothering you because they are trying to make you break and if you do you are back at sqare 1. Anymore questions just ask

Rochelle - posted on 03/09/2009

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What I want to know is how do you get the child to stay in the naughty spot? How do they not move back to where everyone else is?

Antonia - posted on 03/07/2009

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I agree wholey with Shell and Nickii, I only have one child as yet but there is no way in hell I would be dropping everything to take him home and discipline him! What about Mum or Dad??? If you were out somewhere that YOU enjoyed and wanted to stay, do you have to compromise YOUR enjoyment because your child has kicked up a fuss. And have we thought about the times that children fuss BECAUSE they want to go home? When I was younger I think I would kick up a stink mostly because I wanted to go home, and if my mother had said "Right! You are misbehaving, so we are going home" I then as a child would have kind of had the upper hand, having gotten just what I wanted through behaving unnacceptabley

Hellsbells2311 - posted on 03/06/2009

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lol no worries, but what you say is true, you have 2 I got 3 and I can't just drop everything and walk home, it's bad enough trying to find the time to share equally when they are of majorly different ages, without making 2 suffer and lose out because 1 doesn't listen. Prime example...we have an indoor play area and we took the kids for the day (spoilt them rotten lol) my middle son Aidan decided he was going to kick off.....Now why should I make the other 2 stop playing and lose out because he kicked off...so I made him sit down for 7mins to calm down and think about what he had done, we talked and he said sorry, hugs, kisses and off he went, everyones happy....and believe it or not he didn't kick off again!! It wasn't humiliating for him, no one else knew what was going on, and he learnt that kicking off at me was going to get him nowhere! Mission accomplished!!

Nickii - posted on 03/06/2009

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Punishment threatened but not carried out:  Although threats may work at first, children quickly learn to ignore instructions when parents do not or can not follow through with their threats. threats can even serve as a sare and children may test their parent just to see how far they can get



 



Delayed punishment:  When punishment does not occur immediately after an event children are less likely to make the link between the punishment and behaviour



Both of the above are taken from PPS Tripple P by R Sanders PhD



 



Posted these because they are relevent to what I was trying to explain about the tecknique of taking your child home to dissiple as this technique is really hard to follow through in every situation especcially to people with more than one child or even if you have one child. the example I gave up on top about if you were at a park with two kids well what if you only have one kid and you meet with one of your freiends who also has a kid and both of your children get along. If your child missbehaves badly are you going to punish the other child by taking you child home so that the other child does not have a friend to play with and even more so your self and your friend also get punished and tell me how is it fair that ecause 1 human was nughty that 4 humans get punished???

Nickii - posted on 03/06/2009

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now you tell me if you were on the way to get groceries or pick your son up from school and took him home in that situation is your son at school whos waiting to be picked up just have to wait at school by him self?



 



there is no right and wong way way of parenting there is different children who require different techniques of disipline, no oneis saying you are doing things wrong as .if it working for you it is right for you but you just need to ask yourself is it a right technique ALL THE TIME? because it needs to be, kids need consistancy and if you can honestly say everytime they missbehave you can drop what your doing and take them home and your prepared to do this to yourself then what your doing is fine bu i know i couldnt use your technique because i have 2 children and im not prepared to make my other child suffer for something that the other one does for example if we were at the park and  both children wanted to play and one missbehaved I would NOT take both home to dissipline the onw who was naughty this would so NOT be fair to the one who was good.



 



but as I explained above if you cant leave everytime your child is naughty then there is absolutely no point in using your technique because your child will be confused and wont know what to expect when he/she is naughty

Nickii - posted on 03/06/2009

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the only person its humiliating for is the mom, me but if were prepared to go through that so that our children learn the right from wrong then we will end up with children who listen. famous quote from PPS (positive Parenting Steps) "IEscalation: Parents can learn that if they escalate and get louder they are more likely to get what they want, For example you may give an instruction to your child several times gradually getting louder without any success. Eventually you may angrily demand that you child does as you say OR ELSE!! and you start counting to 3. By using this method your child learns that you are only serios when you yell and count, and will wait untill you get to 3 before they listen.

You are rewarded fot yelling as your child does as you ask and your child is rewarded because you stopped yelling at them, there is a pay off for both of you but..... this escalation /episode is highly likely to happen again!!!

Therefore this is not what you want, is it? you want your child to learn that you are seriouse whn you ask them anything. Like the lady said above if your child is going to step out onto the road you are going to say "Stop Kaiya that is dangerous"and you want them to listen to you right there and then because if you have to ask them a second time it might just be too late.

therefore to teach them to listen to you the first time they need to pass through the step of being told/asked twice and then the second time you would follow through withy (whatever punishment you believe in) I would get down onmy knees to the same level and say "No kaiya that was very naughty mommy asked you to stop at the end of the road and you diddnt listen"I would look for the nearest spot to put him for 1 minute ( I find 1 minute enough for my 2 year old but obviously as he got older i would probably need to increase this time) nad put him there for one minute showing him no attention and then count down from 10 and then kneel down to his level again and say now Kaiya you were put on that spot because mommy asked you to stop at the end of the road and you diddnt listen so you need to say sorry "he would then say sorry"and I would say "no you need to tell me why your sorry, what are you sorry for and he would reply "for not stopping at the road and I would then say would you like a cuddle and he would always reply yes. Then you must repeat the exercise that put him on that stop and he must do it right or how you asked in the first place (if you took him home how would you teach him how to do it) and then I would expplain now Kaiya were at the road you need to stop hear and hold mommys hand and look for cars......and so on

Tamara - posted on 03/06/2009

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Quoting Shell:

The public humiliation you are describing is not the discipline we are talking about here, time outs sitting your child on a wall for 5 mins to calm down is NOT humiliating! The lady isn't talking about screaming at your child or even talking loud enough for public to hear, its about making your child stop and think, there and then, NOT 10 15 20 mins later when you finally get home, which as I have said is to late! I to teach my child that their actions have consequences, the coat being a good example. Time outs mean we can get on with our lives and chores we need to do that require us taking our children out in public. So again please tell me how making your child sit on a wall for 5 mins, with no one else knowing why your sat there, is humiliating? Or is everyone that sits on a wall humiliated?


Having observed similar situations in public, it's fairly obvious that it's a publicly humilating punishment.  The expression of the child shows their embaressment.  It's no different than putting a dunce cap on a child in the classroom.  The consequence of leaving the place where we were or on our way to is the discipline.  Ok, let's say, I'm at the Children's Museum.  DD decides it's fun to start hitting people.  The immediate consequence is that we leave and don't go back for at least a week.  It's a logical consequence.  If you hit people, you don't get to stay and have fun.

Hellsbells2311 - posted on 03/06/2009

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The public humiliation you are describing is not the discipline we are talking about here, time outs sitting your child on a wall for 5 mins to calm down is NOT humiliating! The lady isn't talking about screaming at your child or even talking loud enough for public to hear, its about making your child stop and think, there and then, NOT 10 15 20 mins later when you finally get home, which as I have said is to late! I to teach my child that their actions have consequences, the coat being a good example. Time outs mean we can get on with our lives and chores we need to do that require us taking our children out in public. So again please tell me how making your child sit on a wall for 5 mins, with no one else knowing why your sat there, is humiliating? Or is everyone that sits on a wall humiliated?

Tamara - posted on 03/06/2009

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I can't say what I'd do if they misbehaved on the way to school as we're going to be hsing but, in my eyes, being taken home immediately is a very good consequence for misbehaving in pubic. Honestly, I prefer not to punish. Rather, I discipline which means "to teach" using techniques of natural consequences, i.e. you don't take a coat on a cold day, you know what? You're cold. It makes no sense to do such public humiliation to a child.

Hellsbells2311 - posted on 03/06/2009

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No offence but as far as I can see you have an 18month old child, I have 3 of them ages from 10 down to 18 months (sept 07) I can tell you after a quick conversation with my very mature 10 yr old that there is no humiliation in time outs either at home or in public, she replied with "no its good makes me think about how I behave" So your its humiliating is untrue, WHY should punishment just occur at home? Does that mean you will be keeping your child home from school when they misbehave on the way to school then? No you deal with the situation there and then, it's been proven time and time again that punishing a child after the first 10 mins is pointless as by that time they have lost the message and forgotten what they did wrong! So by all means continue to take the time to go home and then explain to your child what they did was wrong, whilst the rest of us deal with the problem straight away, spend 5 mins sitting on a wall making no specticle of ourselves or the child, and then able to carry on with the tasks we had to do to start with by all means, but when you have been through 3 kids (1 has ADHD) you'll find you think differently! I've had a women who has had 4 kids and is now in her late 30's tell me she wishes she had bought her children up the way I do, I think that in itself is enough to say I am doing a good job and not humiliating my children.

Tamara - posted on 03/06/2009

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Quoting Shell:


No you have misread that part, the lady states she tells her child what behaviour she expects from her child and informs her that if she doesn't conform (within reason) she will be placed into time out, regardless of who is around! I would much rather see parents putting their children into time out in public than see and hear their children screaming and running around stores like wild animals. There is no humiliation in teaching your child right from wrong in public, for example if your child didn't stop at the kurb/sidewalk when crossing a road, would you not pull your child back anad tell them what they did was wrong and dangerous? Or would you allow them to carry on and when hit by a car or bus scream at the driver they were in the wrong? It's all about taking responsability for your child.





I don't think I misread the OP.   "Kaiya now mommy is going to ask you to play nicely, theres no hitting/pushing or being mean and you must share or be good stay my mummy in the shops otherwise mommy is going to put you on the naughty spot in front of everyone okay"and he says yes mommy."  This is pure and utter humiliation.



 



While I agree, parents should discipline their child, humiliating and shaming them publicly is NOT the way to do it.  Assuming my child ran in the street, I would take them up and return home immediately as the consequence since she didn't observe safety rules.  It's an appropriate consequence that doesn't require making a spectacle of discipline.

Hellsbells2311 - posted on 03/06/2009

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Quoting Tamara:



Quoting Shell:




Quoting Tamara:

I can't say I like the humiliation involved with this particular punishment.








Can you please explain how this, time out, is humiliating? You are simply putting a child in a seperate area for them to calm down and consider their actions. I really don't understand or see how that is humiliating your child.









The OP stated that she would ask her daughter if she would behave or if she wanted to be put in the "naughty spot" in front of everyone.  That is humiliation.  It's one thing to discipline a child for stepping out of line, it's quite another to publicly humiliate them in the guise of discipline.






No you have misread that part, the lady states she tells her child what behaviour she expects from her child and informs her that if she doesn't conform (within reason) she will be placed into time out, regardless of who is around! I would much rather see parents putting their children into time out in public than see and hear their children screaming and running around stores like wild animals. There is no humiliation in teaching your child right from wrong in public, for example if your child didn't stop at the kurb/sidewalk when crossing a road, would you not pull your child back anad tell them what they did was wrong and dangerous? Or would you allow them to carry on and when hit by a car or bus scream at the driver they were in the wrong? It's all about taking responsability for your child.

Tamara - posted on 03/06/2009

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Quoting Shell:



Quoting Tamara:

I can't say I like the humiliation involved with this particular punishment.






Can you please explain how this, time out, is humiliating? You are simply putting a child in a seperate area for them to calm down and consider their actions. I really don't understand or see how that is humiliating your child.





The OP stated that she would ask her daughter if she would behave or if she wanted to be put in the "naughty spot" in front of everyone.  That is humiliation.  It's one thing to discipline a child for stepping out of line, it's quite another to publicly humiliate them in the guise of discipline.

Hellsbells2311 - posted on 03/06/2009

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Quoting Tamara:

I can't say I like the humiliation involved with this particular punishment.



Can you please explain how this, time out, is humiliating? You are simply putting a child in a seperate area for them to calm down and consider their actions. I really don't understand or see how that is humiliating your child.

Tamara - posted on 03/06/2009

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I can't say I like the humiliation involved with this particular punishment.

Hellsbells2311 - posted on 03/06/2009

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I agree more than I can say lol I have 3 children 10, 7 and 17 months ALL have time outs according to their age (10mins 7 and 1 respectively). Even the youngest Luke has learnt his naughty/unacceptable behaviour is not allowed and he will stay on his seat, albeit crying, but he's learnt and I recomended it to ANYONE who has kids and even when the grandkids come. If I can use it on a 7yr old ADHD child, to some benifits, and a 17 month old child then anyone can use it to teach their child. I agree some parents are just too god damn lazy to bother with discipline and that annoys the hell outta me.



Well done to those who do and continue to use good on you for caring enough!

Antonia - posted on 03/06/2009

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I have heard sooooo many people say that the technique doesn;t work too, but I am right with you. Parents nowadays seem too relaxed and alot of the time too lazy to whip their kids into shape (not literally!) Nothing will work if you dont try it huh!

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