need a good conversation and a gentle listener

Swati - posted on 06/27/2014 ( 22 moms have responded )

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Hi
i need somebody to hear me out.i have two children .a seven year old and my new baby just turned one.i am a sahm.i just am terribly lonely.i would like my husband to talk to me more but my repeated requests only make him angry.he loves me but is irritated when i want him to make me feel special.no friends .i am quite shy.my parents think of me as a loser.i ran away to marry.my husbands parents talk to him but not me.for the whole of last year i have felt lost .my baby is a very bad sleeper.and i have to wake up for hours every single night.i am a good girl otherwise. I try and do a lot of craft with my children.i play with them.i cook new things everyday.but i am very very sad.i used to love to paint and sew.but that doesnt happen any more.i just want someone to reach out to me for a while so i can sleep feeling cared for.just for a while.please someone answer i am going to be very grateful.and maybe hopeful of things getting better someday.

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Ashley - posted on 06/30/2014

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I can not even begin to imagine the hurt that you feel to feel alone constantly. I too stay at home with 2 children and have very few friends that I see every once in a while. I understand about feeling ignored or unloved by your partner, I have felt the exact same way many times, and when it is brought up they get angry and tell you that they are tired and work all day. Have you tried to do little simple sweet things for your husband to show him how much you care and miss his attention? Like give him a massage? Ask him how his day went and let him vent his frustration to you? While it seems like they no nothing about how we feel, I honestly believe that they are feeling unappreciated, exhausted and terrified about financially supporting a family on their own and just need to know that you care and love him for everything that he does for you and your children.
While you are at home try thinking of fun things to do with your children to make you all happy. There is no better joy than to look at your children and know that they are simply happy for everything that you do for them.. With out you they would not be the people that they are today and that they love you. Keep your head up things will get better with time!

I hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to I am just a click away!

Jayne - posted on 06/30/2014

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Swati,
Bitterness usually comes from unforgiveness from people who have hurt or wronged you. After so much you loose your faith in humanity. Always remember this - that as long as you hold on to that bitterness those who caused that in you keep you under their control and in bondage to that bitterness and forgiveness. And those people who did that to you may not deserve to be forgiven, but you deserve to be free. Let it go. There are good people out there worthy of your trust and love.

Amanda - posted on 06/29/2014

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I'm a SAHM as well. My husband is pretty much the same way but the parent situations are different. I only have one son. He's very busy. A lot of what you say is like looking in the mirror. Some days are better than others, but that's rare. I'm not sure I have any advice but you are more than welcomed to inbox me. I wish you luck a m d I'm sorry I won't much help.

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Swati - posted on 07/02/2014

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Hello Jayne, Ashley, Lori, Amanda, Venah,
today I bought myself flowers.kept them by our bedside.and I saw my husband notice.and I got quite his old smile.it felt like he was relieved.like he wanted to get them but couldnt.what matters is that there are flowers at home today.thank you so much for your support.it is helping me grow up just a little bit.and it us feeling light and nice.i hope all of you feel bright today and have reasons for a sunny smile.
thank you๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

Tanya - posted on 07/02/2014

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Read "The Feminine Mystique" by Betty Friedan. You are not alone. I've been there too. Many have. And reading will give you something interesting to do. Hope for the best for you.

Swati - posted on 07/01/2014

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Hi jen,
thanks but that isnt how I want things to be at all.we dont love to leave.things are very hard.stress because of a baby is too much to bear at times.we dont stop loving our babies because of that.we dont stop loving because it hurts.i dont.i am here because I want to see hope.and get some inspiration and work towards what I want.or atleast be able to patiently wait.

User - posted on 07/01/2014

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#1 divorce and go to a place that can help... or #2 counseling... I'd just leave though.

Venah - posted on 07/01/2014

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sounds like me but i take fun in driving around and doing window shopping with my kids. try it if possible

Swati - posted on 06/30/2014

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Hi ashley,
thank you for taking the time.you must be a very busy mom.i try to do the little things you suggested.my husband loves homecooked food.so I make it an effort every morning to pack a fresh hearty lunch.i do text him sweet nothings often.he is a good man but doesnt need to express his love.i have sometimes forced him to do things like make me tea or give me my supplements.i shouldnt have.i had wanted it unasked.i need to be calm.i also get jealous when his parents call.mine dont ever.it is not his fault.i need to understand.i am a strong girl but after my second baby was born last year,I have let all emotions rule over me.thanks ashley for reminding me,that I need to keep trying.i think I suggest a massage tonight.maybe he l like that.

Swati - posted on 06/30/2014

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Jayne
it is nice to hear from you again.i am trying to let go.i sincerely do try.bitterness against my parents,i dont know how to overcome.it has come to affect my entire personality.there is a certain space in me that is empty and hurts.you are so true when you say things dont always get resolved.i need to move on.maybe be more forgiving myself.i want my children to be able to trust,to love and remember their mommy and their child years with fondness.thanks jayne,I was feeling frustrated in the kitchen this morning and almost yelled.but stopped.i remembered you said I deserve to be free,because somebody said I deserved something,I felt strangely gliding over my anger.thanks a ton.hope you have a good day.

Swati - posted on 06/29/2014

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Hi Amanda
i wish one didn't ever have to question love.i had this fantasy that my man would get me some flowers.for no occasion.I asked and asked but he would say it just wasn't his way.a hug is cinematic for him.he loves me.that is why he says he is here with me.but i am craving for a display of affection.i want him to cherish me.he takes care of the baby in the mornings while i make breakfast.and then when i am done,he simply hands me the baby and takes to the newspaper.i am completely at a loss.was he doing me a favor handling the baby.i love him love him.independence is right,but if my man really loves me,should he be putting me down because he can.i guess arguing,yelling ,talking about it leads nowhere.it just is.and because of who and how i am i cant seem to accept . should learn to take him for what he is.but i am driven to despair when he refuses my hug.i am silly enough when I jump from the bed and run to him for a kiss.am turned away most days.feels like I was a bird and have crashed.one smile andi am alive.too much dependence,I know.but it is a genuine need for me.unmet when I was a child.i dont want to trouble my man but I hope for a moment he would be the same guy who anticipated my going down the steps at college.catch me.hold me prisoner for a kiss.
I hope Amanda that you get to have a fairytale day soon.and that love should continue to rule our hearts.

Swati - posted on 06/28/2014

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Thanks lori
I had no friends and since yesterday I have had two messages come in and I have felt a bit happy in a long time.but I have lost the courage to step out and face the world.you are right though.we outgrow fairytales with so much reality around us.i was a little girl once,lived on stories.i want to believe again.i want to believe that things will pass,love will sustain.you are a great human being,lori.for reaching out.thank you.

Lori - posted on 06/27/2014

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I kind of know what ur going thru. Been there. Yet my parents are great to me, supose thats what got me thru. U need a hobby or job, put th kids in daycare or private sitter. They need socialization as well as u. Long az ur hubby can keep u down he will. Nothing betr than ur own independence, makes for a more confident u. I nevr let my husband take my independence, an my kids nevr stole my selfworth. They grew up to b very independent ppl.
Sincerely
Lori Watson

Swati - posted on 06/27/2014

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Jayne
I can not thank you enough for taking the time to reply.your kind words have helpedme relax my worked up self.my neighbour here mostly wants to know why my baby cries a lot even if he does a little bit.i have become such a bitter person inside and almost lost my faith in love.i am trying everyday.thanks for listening.i really have to stop,expecting my husband to listen because love only seems to stay when things are all snug and I am not bothering him.i want it to stay ever so badly.i am going to try finding an outlet to my feelings.maybe an oldfashioned diary.all I want is a happy home and my kids cheerful.loneliness lurks and makes me sad.i need to overcome

Jayne - posted on 06/27/2014

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You know working from home is pretty lonely and being at home all day with kids could be too. (I have to work all day.) I am very sorry your parents are so hard on you and your husband doesn't seem to understand your depression. Sometimes you just have to take hold of your own future and take charge of your own happiness. Find things that make you happy to do. Maybe an on line class or even getting out for a quick workout at a place that has child care. Do you have a neighbor that you can exchange conversation during the day? I think painting and sewing is fun, but it sounds like you need interaction. I know your shy, but everyone loves a smile or a kind word. So take a leap of faith and believe in yourself.

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