Need Advice

Michele - posted on 07/17/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 18 year old just said he is moving in to his Dad's house with his girlfriend who had had an affair with that caused us to divorce. He has been a Disneyland Dad the past 7 years and hardly supported his son. However, he planned with my son, to take all his clothes and stuff from his room and sneak them to his Dad's house.
My son finally talks to me after two days on the phone I am paying for and the phone bill I am paying for and says that he is a man and wants to live with them now. That he believes them that they did not have an affair even though our families (her ex) always did things together.
I supported him through high school and his activities as his dad and girlfriend did nothing or attended very little of his activities.
I am hurt, devastated on how my son has turned against me but expects me to continue to pay for his phone and bill and his car insurance. I leased a car for him to drive while at my house so now I am stuck with a second car and insurance payments. How do I move on? I can't stop him as he's 18 but what to do or think? I paid the first semester of college as his dad refused so who knows if he will go when it starts next month. Please advise on how to live without him?

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Sarah - posted on 07/17/2016

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I'd only pay for that first semester of school personally, and I agree with Nadine on the rest. Cut him off, contact the dealer and request to either transfer the lease to his name alone or have them repossess the vehicle. Turn the phone off and have the bill for the balance of the phone sent to his father to pay. Advise him you are no longer insuring his vehicle and you will be notifying the DMV of such. He wants to be a grown-up, then let him act like one.

Nadine - posted on 07/17/2016

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Firstly, he is n adult. Stop paying his bills. While I would still pay for his college, if he is still going to go, I sure as hell would not be leasing him a car, or paying for insurance or phone for that matter. But he is an adult. My son did the same, though he was still a minor. It hurt like hell, but you have to let them make their own mistakes.

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Michelle - posted on 07/17/2016

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Like Shawnn has said, he has every right to have a relationship with his Father.
You need to make sure that you don't interfere with it.
My ex cheated on me but I have never denied my children having a relationship with him. They don't know the real reasons I left either. Your son should never have been told that they had an affair, children should be kept out of adult relationship problems.
I also agree with the others, don't pay for all his things anymore. If he's moved in with his Father then he can pay or your son can be an adult and pay his own way.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/17/2016

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It is not desertion. He's gos every right to have that relationship. His father's relationship with you is not what matters, and doesn't change the paternity.

Nadine - posted on 07/17/2016

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You just ignore the whys ans wherefores. He is an adult. Get on with your life.

Michele - posted on 07/17/2016

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Thank you both for the advice
You both make sense and that if he wants to act Ike an duly then he wil he the consequences as an adult.
How do I move on as I feel like a failure in that he has deserted me for his cheating dad.
I miss him terribly and want him back
I am really struggling to function
I know that if he went away for college I would have similar feelings but him going to live with them is killing me
How do I come to terms with his decisions?

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