Need advice, 20 years old and raising my twin brothers.

Kayla - posted on 01/20/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




Let me start off by saying I am posting this in the hopes that I can get some advice and possibly some support. My name is Kayla, I am 20 years old. I recently this passed year began raising my now 12 year old twin brothers full time. My mother is mentally unstable. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and before that she was diagnosed as schizophrenic. She hears voices, constantly up and down with her mood swings, very angry verbally and sometimes physically abusive, with different men all the time and she also is very heavy into marijuana which wouldn't be so bad if she didn't chose to spend her money on that rather that have enough food for herself and her children. I moved out at 15 years old as for my own mental health I had to remove myself from her home and I didn't know a different way out. My mother lost custody of me when I was just an infant, my grandparents raised me until I was about 7 years old when my mother regained custody of me. Her ex husband, my little brothers' father is very big into drugs and alcohol. He has had 5 DUI's, lost every job he has had, lives with drug dealers now and completely has surrounded himself with the wrong crowd. His home is filthy, there are always parties there, my little brothers always had dog feces in their room and even mold on their toothbrushes. I started to notice how bad it had gotten for my brothers about two years ago, the emotional trauma they had suffered from their mother was getting worse and worse. She was constantly calling them down, saying they were stupid, idiots, worthless and even saying she hates her kids under her breathe right in front of them. If they didn't do something right they were stupid and she hated them. It had even gotten to the point where she was slapping them in the face and punching them in the arm, though I didn't figure this out until a few months ago. I decided to step in and the boys began staying with me more often. They were getting more and more emotional, crying telling me to not send them back there. I tried to call the ministry in September of 2013 but nothing was done for them, just a quick check up where she told the ministry and police that I was lying. Last year in May is when I decided to really take matters into my own hands, I told my mother that the boys were not going back there, at least not until she got help. My little brothers also told her how they felt and even wrote her a letter. Since then my brothers have been living with me full time, so for the passed 8 months they have been with me. I have been home schooling them through the distance education school and their parents have not once even met their teacher or principle, they have not had any part of it. My mother says that I am pure evil, that I am ruining her life and am no longer her daughter. She tells family members of hers that I am lying and that she is going to sit back and watch me get what is coming to me, though I don't know what that means. Their father has not been in contact with them at all. I have noticed that one of my brothers has shut down emotionally and when he first moved in with me he lied a lot, he has been trying and his lying has subsided mostly. My other brother is very emotional, he cries a lot especially over his father. Their grandparents are mainly in denial and think they should be with their parents but I grew up with my mother and I don't wish that on any child. I don't think I could ever make them go back they are finally in a stable home, my Husband and I do not drink, smoke cigarettes or do drugs. We both run businesses and for once I feel the boys are finally able to breathe. They are very happy and express their love for me daily but I feel that I don't know how to help them emotionally, I myself only just these past few years have been able to deal with my parental situation, so how can I expect them to handle this at such a young age. I do not have many friends my age as most cannot relate and it has been very hard not having very much family support. I need some advice on what my next step should be or how I can help these boys emotionally. Should I go for legal guardianship? as my mom still collects money from the government for them and up until their father lost his job a few months ago she was getting their child support as well. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes and try to stay strong for them but sometimes it beats me down, I don't feel 20 years old and sometimes I wish that I knew all the answers. If anyone has any advice please let me know :)


View replies by

Raye - posted on 01/20/2015




I agree, you need to go through the steps to become their legal guardian.

As far as helping them emotionally, just do your best. No child has an instruction book, and we all have to take things one day at a time to get through difficult times. Know they are better off with you and you are doing right by them. Show them love, and things should be ok. If they are really having a hard time, you might get into family counseling to help them and yourself cope with the hardships. Nobody has all the answers, so let that go and try not to stress out because you're figuring it out as you go along. You will figure it out. Have faith.

Elisel - posted on 01/20/2015




You need to gain legal rights. 1 reason is for assistance from the state, govt, etc. Medical and financial support. 2. is what if there was an accident or they needed medical care? you have no right to say yes/no to anything.

contact social workers, local child protective services as they have many resources available.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms