Need advice

Melanie - posted on 01/31/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




My youngest child is 16 months. When I was 8 months pregnant, my brother-in-law and his wife had a tubal pregnancy. After that happened, they have wanted nothing to do with me, my husband, or either of our kids. It has been almost 18 months now, and they find every excuse to hate us. (calling me horrible names, didn't show up to our wedding, literally having nothing to do with us) They haven't had anything to do with us at all, and if my husband and his brother talk, its his brother bashing me.
I have been going through this for so long, and they have no relationship with our boys, and I can't keep trying to mend things with them. I have tried numerous times, only to be called a snake, manipulative, and after my husbands money, etc. During this time, my mother in law, defended me, and they quit talking to her also- because "she took my side"

They had a baby girl on Monday and won't allow us to even see her. This is my first niece (I don't have any nephews either) My in-laws wouldn't even send me a picture message of my niece, saying they didn't want to sink in the sand with them. I ended up deleting my in-laws off my facebook friends because they were posting pictures of her, and I feel like I will get attached to a child I will never get to have a relationship with. I was really hoping things would pass, but at this point, I honestly don't know if this relationship can ever be repaired. After all of the hatefulness and hurt I've went through with this situation, I don't even want to try to mend things. Any advice on what I should do?


Ariana - posted on 01/31/2013




You could try and get a councellor or mediator involved but that would mean having them willing to meet. If you're really serious about mending things I would speak with a councellor and ask them what they feel you should do or how you could get the others to come in with you.

Then I would get your husband to ask his brother to come into a session with all of you or if he refuses to try and ask if he can come with just him (so your husband and his brother and no one else). Maybe there is a way to work things out.

If you can't get them to go into something like that then you really need to just let it go. You can't keep beating a dead horse. Maybe if you wait a year, and then try and talk to them again calmly or request them to go to a mediator or councellor to see if things can be mended it might work at a different time.

If you try and they still won't move on and wait a year before worrying about it or trying to regain contact. They also just had a child so I'm guessing the last thing they're going to worry about is you and your family (since they're obviously upset about something whether valid or not) and will be focusing all their energy on this new child. Waiting a while might give things time to cool down and there feelings might change if you just give up for a bit and let them sit on their own feelings/lives.

Good luck to you!

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