Need advice

Ashleigh - posted on 11/27/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi, im nearly 18 years old. I recently got engaged to the most amazing person. I have always wanted to be a mum, but now more than ever. I fell pregnant (unplanned) and within 2 weeks of knowing I lost my baby. It was the worse thing in the world, ever since this everywhere I go and everything I do there is pregnant girls and babies. My sister in-law has recently had a baby, he is adorable but its hard to be around her without it hurting me. I recently seen my old friends, most of them are either expecting or already have a baby. Its driving me nuts. I feel like I have lost apart of me when I lost my baby im so emotional and I hurt so much. I just want to be a mother, I know I am physically emotionally and finically ready for a baby. Everyone tells me I would be a great mum, im from a family of 8 children so I have experience with children I also have done a course in child care. And I know my partner would be a great father. But my partner doesn't want a child until we are in our mid thirties. And I know so many people say children make you grow up and you have to give up everything, I am very mature I don't like to drink alcohol so I don't party I don't have anymore schooling to do. My partner and I are living on our own we have jobs and a car. I would be so dedicated to my baby. I feel so ready but he isn't and I don't want to push him into it and I wouldn't purposely fall pregnant I just wouldn't do that to him. Its driving me cray cray. I need some advice. Please help me.
Thank you.

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Good for you for being a responsible 18 year old. Whatever age you are miscarriage is difficult. But you are very young. I babyset my nephews and neices and a lot of kids but it is nothing compared to having your own. Once you have a baby there is no more you anymore and also you will be responsible for someone as long as you are living. But even if you think you are ready, first your partner has to agree with you on that besides you might want to wait a little more to see if your feelings are just because you had miscarriage. I am not sure how old your partner is but deciding to have a baby when you are in your mid 30s does not seem like a sound decision either. I want to assume that he is either not mature enough or not ready for you, Wait a little to see if he is the right person for you.

Helen - posted on 11/27/2013

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If your partner does not want to have a child yet there is nothing you can do. If you go ahead and have a baby regardless, your relationship will be at great risk and it is not easy to bring up a baby alone. He may change his mind before he is in his thirties or he may not. From my point of view, you are still a child yourself and have plenty of time. It may be that this man is not the one for you. It is important to be sure before you commit.

I understand how emotional you must be feeling just now but it will get better. I would advise you to keep working and improve your financial position before starting a family. Also keep up with friendships and go out occasionally. It is not healthy to rely entirely on your partner. It makes you vulnerable. Friends make you stronger and can provide great support.

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Helen - posted on 11/28/2013

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There are no health risks at 30. It does become progressively more difficult to conceive after 30 but in Australia this is becoming the norm. The increased health risks at 35 are still very small. My own daughter, an emergency doctor, had her first child at 29 and is just about to have her second one at 31. Her body snapped back in days after the first baby and she has been very healthy throughout her second pregnancy. She worked to 39 weeks the first time and will do so again this time. She plans to have two more!

Ashleigh - posted on 11/28/2013

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Thank you ladies. As hard as it is im gonna try to move past this and keep myself busy. I will have another talk with my partner about the risks of having children at 30.

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