need advice

Lor - posted on 12/09/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

4

0

0

fMy ex and I have been broken up for quite some time now and during this time I met this guy who ended up getting me pregnant. I stopped seeing him before I found out but I want NOTHING to do with him nor do I wnt him around my baby after he/she is born. Though child support would be a geat help I don't want anything from him. Now I'm talking to my ex again and we both still love eachother very much. He knows about the pregnancy but is not sure he could handle the baby not being his if we were to get back together. I want so badly for us to be together....what advice can anyone give me? I've been really upset about this whole thing!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2013

3,562

36

3907

We all know there are many relationships that don't last. Especially when you have broken up with them once before (there are reasons for that), and especially when you are young. In fact, there is a 40% chance you won't last. Been there, done that.

Now, if you get back with your ex and play happy families for a few years, he supports you and your baby, and it's all good. Then he doesn't want to anymore. Off he goes. You are alone and need help. You need child support. Oops. Your poor child is the one left out here. No daddy AND no support. In fact, let's go so far as to say that the only daddy she knew she had is denying he is her daddy. Fast forward 10 years and she starts to question who her daddy is and really figures out what you have done.

Not fun. I've seen it. My nephew lived it. You have no idea the anger he experienced.

Not to mention that living a lie must be extremely difficult unless you have the morals of an alley cat.

There is nothing wrong with you getting back with your ex if you truly love each other, but you should not be denying the baby's father either: he is the father or your child. Be honest with everyone, including yourself.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/11/2013

13,264

21

2015

Naive...LMFAO

20+ years of child rearing, and 25+ years in a relationship with the same man, the biological father of my kids.

Sorry sweetie, but been around the damn block for a lot longer than you have.

And, I post the blunt truth. So, you've been given the options. If you don't like them, it ain't my problem, as I did not put you into the situation you are in. Like I said, WHEN he pursues custody of his child, you'll look back and say "oh, I guess I should have paid better attention".

Its your prerogative. Personally, I'd feel pretty shitty as a parent if I had denied my kid the right to know their father. But, as I said, that's me.

You've made your "decision" to keep the kid from rightfully knowing their biological father. Good luck with your life.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/11/2013

13,264

21

2015

LMAO...Another "I swear, he wants nothing to do with it" story.

If you're so darned certain that he truly wants nothing to do with it, you wouldn't be posting asking what you can do.

You would be better off to be proactive, prove paternity, get support ordered. That way, when he changes his mind, you're not going to be blindsided and back here posting "My baby's daddy wants partial custody, what do I do"...

And, if your current relationship doesn't work out, you'd at least have support lined up for the child.

Plus, regardless of how YOU feel, you did sleep with the guy, created this being, and this being has the right to know their biological parents. You don't have the right to deny that, regardless of the fact that you're the mother in the situation. If you're willing to blatantly deny that the child has the right to know its father, then you've already made up your mind to do it "your" way regardless of the legality, or morality of your decision.

Ev - posted on 12/09/2013

7,952

7

918

1. The father needs to know he is going to be a father.
2. You should be getting support for the child from him as well.
3. Why deny this child his or her father and the relationship they might be able to have despite what YOU feel for HIM.
4. If the father finds out he can take you to court to establish paternity and custody and then you would have to follow through as the court orders are placed.
5. I can understand your former man being uncomfortable with the idea of another man's child. How is he to know what kinds of drama may unfold from this and he may not want to be a part of that.
6. Have you thought about how your child will react when you tell them who the real father is and have to explain you chose not to make it known to the father he had a baby and why?
7. Its not about you anymore. Its about that baby and what is in his or her best interest.

9 Comments

View replies by

Ntsuvlim - posted on 12/12/2013

5

0

0

If you want child support from him, chances are, he'll want to know the child. Now, there's a possible chance that he will want nothing to do with the child and totally give up his visitation rights but that doens't mean he's excused from paying child support. Likely, if results come back that he's the father then he'll probably want to be a part of the child's life whether you like it or not.
If your current man loves you, he'll accept your child. This isn't just *another* man's child, this is *your* child as well. Plus, you two were broken up when you created this child.

Lor - posted on 12/11/2013

4

0

0

I posted this to get feedback from women in similar situations. Not some naiive know-it-all, but thanks for trying...or whatever that was.

Lor - posted on 12/11/2013

4

0

0

Oh I know the baby daddy could if he wanted. But I happen to know he does not want anything to do with the baby. Denies its even his.. i do not want him near my baby.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/09/2013

13,264

21

2015

1) biological father needs to know. You at one point thought enough of him to be in a relationship involving sex. This baby is a product of that, and he deserves to know it.

2) Support and visitation orders should be set with biological father upon the birth of child and proof of paternity.

Understandably your man is concerned about his part/place in this. He really has none, except to be a good adult role model. However, this needs to be addressed early and often. If he can't be with you and accept the child without scorn, or making the child feel unloved/unwelcome, counseling is a must before the relationship continues.

Whether or not you "want" anything to do with the biological father, he does have his rights as well. If he should choose to go after custody because you don't tell him up front about the kid and offer to work out a visitation & support schedule, he's got every right to do so. Would you be willing to fight that fight?

And, whether or not YOU want anything to do with bio father, his child deserves the right to know their father.

Work on counseling with your man, and work with the biological father to get this all sorted as soon as possible.

[momoftwo] - posted on 12/09/2013

441

0

116

I wasn't sure if you knew but that man will still have 50% rights to that baby and can fight you for visitations once it's born.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms