Need advice

Kristi - posted on 11/21/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )




My two year old daughter throws a fit when her father comes to pick her up. So he has to force her to go. Should I let this happen or keep her with me? It's so upsetting when it happens


Dove - posted on 11/22/2014




She's 2. It can be a fairly normal reaction at this age. How is she WITH him? Is it just a fit during drop off/pick up times and she adjusts? Has she just recently started visitations w/ her father or has she been doing them for a while?

If you have legitimate concerns (and evidence) you can take it back to court, but otherwise... be upbeat and positive about her going w/ her father. Give her a hug and a kiss and say 'see you soon' and then hand her over to him and walk away and let him deal w/ her (unless she won't fight YOU getting into his car), etc... Basically just keep the transition as positive and brief as possible and she will, most likely, adjust quicker... and yes, you can cry once she is gone because it is hard on you to see her upset, but absolutely do NOT cry or hold onto her any longer than necessary while SHE is upset.

Go ahead and keep a document of the transitions and any other concerns just for your records... and if there IS a legitimate problem you will have that tracking. It's most likely just the age and the transition that she is having trouble with though.


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Sarah - posted on 11/22/2014




Do you have a good relationship with dad? Ask him how long it lasts. At two, kids have a hard time transitioning and the best thing you can do is be upbeat and say goodbye. Do you have any reason to think she is being harmed?
Think how many kids pitch a fit when dropped off at daycare and then a few minutes later are fine. I know it hurts to see your daughter upset but drawing it out just prolongs everyone's misery.

RIZZA - posted on 11/22/2014




If your daughter is able to communicate you why not try to talk to her why she acted like that to her father, she might tell you why. And so you know what to do

Michelle - posted on 11/22/2014




You can't stop the visitation, it's called parental alienation. Unless you have evidence of any wrongdoing then you have to let her go.
If you want to adjust visitation then go back to court.

Ev - posted on 11/22/2014




How long has this been going on? If this is just a recent change, its going to take time for her to get used to what is going on. As young as she is she has no idea why things are like this and explaining that to a two year old is going to be difficult as she has only so much understanding of the adult world if at all. She understands that you and dad are not together and that dad comes for her every so often. If you have a court order visitation set up, keeping her with you is going against that order and will make it that much harder for her father and her to bond and get used to this new system that is set up. Keep up the visits as they are and it will get better in time.

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