Need advice about boyfriends kids

Merina - posted on 08/03/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )




So I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. My daughter (4) and I just met his daughters (7 and 4 1/2) in early June. Him and his ex-wife have 50/50 -- every other week--custody arrangement.

The younger one recently has been telling me she wants me to be her mom. The first time she told me, I told her in a nice loving way that she already had a mom. She then told me she wanted me to be her step-mom then. She told me again that she wanted me to be her mom, and when I'm with her I'm her mom during that time.

While I have always dreamed that one day his kids would love me like a second mom (before I met them I had these fantasies) once it became reality, it doesn't feel right. I want to have a great relationship with them and want them to be able to come to me, but I don't want them or their mom thinking I'm trying to replace her. I respect that they have a mom who is still active in their life, and I don't want to interfere with that.

So my question is, what is the best way to handle this situation? It feels very delicate. I don't want her to retreat and feel like I don't love her or that I don't want to be her "mom". I simply don't want to offend their mom and make her think I am trying to take her place, especially considering she has half custody of them. I feel I would have a different look on it of she wasn't present at all. I know I would be devastated if my daughter wanted her step-mom to be her "mom".


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/03/2016




So far, you have handled it well, I think. Keep letting her know that you love her, but that she does have a good mom. Maybe come up with a special name that they can use for you, a nickname, if you will.

They're young yet. At those ages, anyone filling the parental roles sometimes is called mom or dad, because that's what the kids learn. Kids I used to watch during the day for other families (after I started staying home with mine) would call me Shawnn-mom.

Not sure how to address the whole issue of their mother being upset, though...

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