Need advice bad! Please no negativity.

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

Ill start off with a little background...I'm a teen mom and was with my child's father for 2 years before we got pregnant and now we have a 7 month old together. About 5 months ago we had a pretty big fight, worse than usual and split up. He was always so jealous, insecure, and didn't like any of my friends.. Well need less to say I found comfort with someone else. This guy and me have been talking for a little over a month now and he's really good to my son and me but I'm not sure if he's really father material. & This past week my child's father was home for 10 days before he had to go back to work. He says he's changed and at points it seemed like he had but his anger and insecurities always get the best of him. I'm not sure what I should do. I love my child's father but I'm scared things will just be bad again and I like this other guy but I'm not sure if he's up to playing daddy yet and I don't want to take a chance, hurt him and end up hurting myself in the end. It's a very messed up situation.


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[deleted account]

You chose the man who is your baby's father for a reason. I would hope that you wouldn't create a chid with a man who you are willing to walk away from over one big fight. He will be in your life forever now, whether you maintain the romantic aspect of your relationship or not--he is the father of your child, and you will have to partner up with him and parent with him forever now.

Couples fight. That's life. You will never find anyone who will not fight with you. Some of those fights will be little things, and others will be big issues. You owe it to yourself, your child, and your man to find the root of the issues causing the fights and do your best to address them. If he is insecure and jelous, find out why and figure out ways to get around it. Figure out what situations inflame his insecurities and find ways to avoid them. He should do the same for you in your weaknesses (everyone has a weakness or two). If you can't make it work, you can't make it work, but you need to give it more than a couple of months.

The way I see it, you haven't given yourself time to figure out what to do. You've been with this new guy for less than 2 months, and you had less than a couple of weeks between letting the old guy go and hooking up with the new. Tell the new guy to back off and give you some space. Take a few months to yourself--try to make it work with the father of your child, or spend a year on your own without dating. You can't just bring a bunch of different men in and out of your child's life, that will lead to detachment disorders and other behavioral issues, even if she's only and infant. In fact, studies show that infants are effected worse than others. If you decide not to stay with your baby's father, at least give yourself a year or so before hooking up with another man.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/26/2013




If you are a teen mom, Elaine, you need to quit worrying about finding "another guy" and worry about raising your kid.

If the child's biological father and yourself cannot get along, then make sure that there is a custody and support agreement in place through the courts so that neither father nor child is getting slighted on that relationship.

As far as whether you should pursue a relationship with the other guy...I wouldn't! You really don't even know your own mind at this point, and you have very good points about not being sure about the whole thing and hurting both him and yourself in the process. That, my girl, is a VERY GOOOD THOUGHT PROCESS!!

In short, if you and the child's biological father want this to work, I suggest counseling for the both of you. If you've already made the decision that it won't work out with him, then get the custody/support lined out, in court, so that you both have to abide by the decision, and move forward. But I don't recommend moving forward by finding another guy to be with, because you really need to concentrate on the welfare of the baby at this point, and bringing different men in and out of his/her life isn't fair to them, or the guys.

Jeanne-Marie - posted on 07/26/2013




Hi. I am not going to tell you what to do coz I don't think there is a right or a wrong. I think only you can decide what is best for you and your baby. I will relate my experience though. I am a single mom. My daughter's dad has a temper and disrespected me. I chose to raise my daughter myself. I feel that it is my responsibiility to protect my daughter. I may be wrong about her dad but I'm not prepared to risk it.

The thing know within yourself what to do. You might not think or feel that you do know but on some level you do. You might want to write a list of pros and cons for each guy? It sounds funny I know, but I've used such lists quite a lot and it really helps to see the situation in print. Well, I find it helps me.

I don't know if I've said anything here which would help you. I certainly hope that you can take something out of what I've said. But the most important thing is that you trust yourself and your motherly instinct. And know that you will make the right decision. All the best to you :)

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