Need advice for my sons father

Emily - posted on 08/04/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My sons dad has never payed me a penny, he he owes me 5 grand in child support, he owes me a mobile phone which he smashed and 40 pounds a month for the contract and the contracts been out 18 months, he does no child care well im at work and neither does any of his family. He would rather go out with his friends drinking or spend his money on his car, and opening admitted to me he would choose his friends and there children over his own, and has done on many occasions, he has people round him that he openly admits arnt good parents to there own children aswell, i want my money back but i dont want my sons dad in his life is there a way around this? And if i get him to sign a piece of paper signing his rights away to me will that be legally binding? Any help would be much appreciated i want him gone and i want to make a happy positive future for my son just the two of us.

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Jodi - posted on 08/05/2014

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If he isn't paying his child support, follow up. You can file to have this sorted out legally (how it is dealt with depends on where you live, but may include garnishing wages, garnishing bank accounts, etc).

With regard to the phone, unless you had a contract with him to pay for it AND pay for your contract, or unless you sue him and the court orders he pays, sorry, nothing you can do.

He and his family are not obligated to provide child care for you when you are working. This is akin to expecting him to fit around what works for you. His family is irrelevant, they have no part in this and their unwillingness to be your child care is perfectly reasonable. Sure, it would be nice if they helped out, but it's not an obligation and it is rather selfish of you to expect that it should be. You and your ex should have a visitation agreement for his time with the child, not a daycare agreement.

About you not wanting him in your son's life, that's not your choice. I guess the question is whether he wants to be in his son's life. Also, in many places, even if he signs his rights away, he is still legally obligated to pay child support.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2014

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Child support is NOT up to him, its his legal obligation. It would be your legal obligation were he the custodial parent. You NEED to file it legally.

Jodi - posted on 08/06/2014

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Actually, the child support is not up to him. Child support is a legal obligation. He must pay it. Do you actually have a child support case? Enforce it. You are entitled to receive financial support for raising your child.

What does he mean when he says he loves you? It sounds to me like he's manipulating you to drop the child support thing. Don't drop it. His family doesn't have to support your child. But he does. Child support and spending time with his child (visitation) are two different things.

Just be careful because it really does sound like he is manipulating you to get out of paying.

Emily - posted on 08/06/2014

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If he doesn't want to pay any child support thats up to him but hes decided hed like us to be friends and do things as a family together and hes told me he loves me still what does that mean he wants to see how things go and be a family or he just wants to be friends as ive accepted he is the way he is, his family havent got to support our baby and neither has he as he doesnt want to? X

Jodi - posted on 08/06/2014

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Its great if you could have a friendship, but you need to stop confusing yourself and move on. Don't let him play with your emotions. He is still your child's father, and the two of you can learn to co-parent, but that doesn't mean you have to get back together. You just need to both get on the same page about your child's best interests, and your child's best interests is to have both parents in his life. This doesn't mean that dad has to be there all the time, or that mum and dad need to be together, just that you can both spend time with him (not necessarily together). Try to come up with a written parenting plan/agreement that you can both work with and that works for your child.

Emily - posted on 08/06/2014

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After your message i realised your were right so i got in touch with my sons dad and explained everything, and i said i would be happy to walk so he didnt have to see or speak to me not walk away for my son.... away and let them
Have time together and now hes said hes offering me his friendship so we can do things as a family and he still loves me and this confuses me is this his friendship or seeing how things go untill
We get back together? Im so confused? Im a young mum
And still have a long way to go with all of this but any advice i would be so grateful for

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