Need advice from a Mom with married adult children

Jolene - posted on 11/09/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )




It all started with this gal (she is in her early 40's) who became involved in our family due to my son dating a girl who was her daughter's friend. To get you started she is the kind of person who stays involved in other people's business. She seems to believe she can solve everyone's problems. And/or she points out everybody discrepancies to their own family...such as she talks bad about me to my daughter and to my daughter in law (her daughter). My son, who dated her daughters friend, introduced his older brother to her daughter and they got married her daughter is my daughter in law. Yes, I know a bit confusing.

The daughter in law is NOT my problem. her and I were getting along ok and actually enjoying each other's company until last Christmas. Her mother was their and my daughter in law was NOT nice when her Mom was there...just to say it nicely and keep it short. Anyway, this lady, continues to talk bad about me to my daughter and to her daughter. I believe this to cause family problems for us all.

My son does not stand up for me because that would cause trouble with his wife. Any time my daughter stands up to this lady it seems my daughter in law stops speaking to her and then my son gets cold toward his sister. Thus causes trouble with our family getting together...cause then my Son does not feel comfortable inviting everyone or getting together due to hard feelings his wife might be feeling.

If we dare say anything regarding our feelings about this we are deemed the bad guys and accused of creating drama. This lady continues to keep trouble stirred up and I'm not sure what to do. I no longer speak to her and haven't for over 6 months, but she doesn't let it rest.

I am trying to make amends with my daughter in law, but as long as her Mother continues to keep things stirred up it's kind of hard to move forward. Obviously I don't expect my daughter in law to disown her mother...for the lack of a better way of saying it. IF I even try, and I mean no matter how, to talk to either one of them about it I get accused of being a drama queen and no progress is made. It makes no difference what I say or if I say nothing at all...Anything I do or not do is used against me.

It seems to be a lose lose situation. I have not seen my grandson for almost a year now cause I am not welcome. Her mother has three younger children at home and she spends a lot of time at my son's and daughter in laws house with the siblings. When a holiday comes they all come and occupy the entire holiday....I mean for 4 to 5 days....Christmas Eve, Christmas day..and every holiday day before and after. Our family has no time with my son and his wife and child during the holiday unless we spend it with her there as well.

Since my other children do not like this lady they do not want to spend their holiday with her. I am the mother of 5 children whom are all adults now..three of the five are married with children and one is a single mom and one just turned 18 and is still at home. I think we could work out the holidays and spend time together if we could get my eldest son involved without the mother in law being at the party.

Any advice? She has said the most horrible things about my children to their brother or sister or said horrible things about me to my own children. How do we stop her from stirring the pot? The eldest of my children is married to her daughter and he is not the type to get involved in what he considers drama. I'm not sure he understands the effects this is having on the family. He is not happy with not getting together with his siblings at the holidays. He seems to not realize this woman is a large part of the issue here. I think the kids would find a way to get together if they didn't have to deal with the in law lady. Has anyone dealt with anything like this?

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