Need advice from ALL sides! feeling worthless @ home!

Justine - posted on 05/12/2010 ( 57 moms have responded )

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Im a stay at home mom to a 9 month old son. I hear everyone vent on how hard it is to be a S@HM. Im on the other side. I dont have 3 kids worth of laundry, dishes, toys to pick up everyday. All i have to do each day is pick up a little and one day a week have a major cleaning session, thats it. I feel like i sit around ALOT and watch my son play. ..Oh and i also have to mention my son sleeps 11 hours thru the night! My husband knows i have it easy and i feel bad!



Sometimes i want 'me time' and I feel so guilty when i want my husband to give me a break, b/c he works hard. Or when he goes out for a bit, i feel so angry at him, but i know he deserves to.



I just wish i could make friends and have the same freedoms, but its hard when i stay at home..plus we are a military fam, so im away from everyone i know. I could get a job but i would feel so guilty putting my son in daycare! Hes on such a great schedule, and very well taken care of. I just miss working so much, and desire to go back b/c i feel SO worthless, and its a great way to make new friends in the area who do the same work as me! But it goes against some of my parenting values!



Im looking for advice from S@HMs, Working Moms, First time moms, EVERYONE...

I would like to know your stories!?!? How do you working moms feel about this? How do all of you balance your life??? Is going back to wk the answer, or should i stick this out?...Or if anyone can just simply relate, please share!

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Trish - posted on 05/14/2010

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I am now a stay at home mom, although my youngest is almost 17. We have been having a LOT of difficulties with her, which is part of the reason I eventually decided to leave my job. Both of my children were latch key kids, basically. My husband was in the Canadian Army for 18 years and I had to work to make ends meet. Believe me, if you are able to stay with children you should definitely take advantage of it!! :)

I do know that there is probably a community center on the base where you are stationed. Generally they have groups for spouses with babies/kids. You could definitely find a world of difference if you get out and socialize with people in similar situations as yourself. Believe me, because the last place where I worked was at the community center on the base in the city where my husband retired. I saw first hand how important the feeling of community is for all of the new parents on the base, and there are a lot as I'm sure you know! You may even find yourself wanting to volunteer at the center. I know plenty of moms who practically live there! It is so important for them, because there is always someone to talk to, who understands. Many of them also trade off working as volunteers at the 'stay and play' programs. That way, they actually take turns taking care of kids at the program. This provides them with the opportunity, once in a while, to go out and run errands or just have a few hours to themselves. I stongly recommend that you contact the family community center on your base and inquire about available programs. If there is not a program for shared child care, perhaps you could suggest one and help set it up. It will definitely get you out of the house with your little one, and may help you feel more productive!!

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I think the real question is " what do you want ?" and I really mean what do YOU want ? if you stop and think about it for a minute what is the first thing that comes to mind? is it I want to work ? is it I want to be a full time mom ? what is your gut reaction ? and don't feel bad about whatever your answer is, it's fine if you feel like you should be doing more then be at home all day, don't ever feel guilty. You know it's not a bad thing to want something for yourself, it's actually a good thing for you, your husband and your child in the long run, if you are making sure you are happy then they will be as well. I'm sure your child would not want to look up at it's mom and think she never achieved what she truly wanted in life. It's important to your child's development that you develop yourself and if your not happy, you should do what will make you happy. Again don't feel guilty, this is coming from a stay at home mom who is about to go back to school. I have felt the same way as you and you just need to figure out what you want and go for it, your child won't suffer, if anything in the long run they might even thank you for it. It's fine to do something for yourself.

Becki - posted on 05/12/2010

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first i want to commend you for having someone home to raise your child. it sounds like you just need to get out of the house. look into play groups. if you live on base i imagine there are other mothers who feel the same way, maybe starting a playgroup would help. you could also look into volunteer opportunities, a retirement home would be great because you can bring your son with you. i work full time and go to school 3 nights a week, but my husband is a stay at home dad so I completly understand where you are coming from. i give him some time alone on the weekends. talk this over with your husband, he may not know how you feel. i wish you luck in working through this funk......

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Sarah - posted on 05/15/2010

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Im a working mom of 1, I would LOVE to stay home with my daughter whom is 3. I feel like i miss so much of her life. I get home around 4 eat dinner, bath & its time for bed. Most of our time together is spent sleeping during the week. Cherish your time with your baby. My daughter also tells me she misses me & it breaks my heart. Just remember being a mom is the most precious, rewarding & important job you will ever have. You are super woman NOT worthless. You sacrafice everything to raise your child but you also have to get out to keep your sanity. As for the "me time", maybe you could put your son in daycare part time & work a couple days a week or a few hours a day. This will allow you some adult time as well as meet new people. When your husband goes out to do things maybe he could share his time with you such as dinner, movie, OR make it a family trip to the zoo or something of that nature. Although your son is a little young still. Just some food for thought. Good luck & i hope everything works out for you. Keep us updated on how you are doing.

Brandy - posted on 05/15/2010

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I have two kids and i pretty much worked with my oldest but i was lucky to be able to work around my husbands schedule so one of us was always home with him with my second it wasn't so easy and the job i had didn't pay enough for day care so i became a stay at home mom at first it was wonderful i loved staying home and raising my kids my way not a daycare way. It was really hard on us money wise but i really did't have a choice. I did that for 5 years and i was so depressed towards the end i felt completly usless i completly understand how u feel. My house was spotless but u can only clean so much and u do get tired of cleaning and kids at the same time u feel guilty cause u don't feel like u worked as hard as you're husband. I wish i could give u the answer your lookin for but honestly u will have to figure out what works best for your family. I am happy to say that both my boys are in school full time so i was finally able to go back to work i have a job that dos't pay much but is compleatly flexible when it comes to my kids i absoultly love it : ) and i've lost 30 pounds since returning to work. I wish u all the best and hope u figure it all out ok!!!!!

Melissa - posted on 05/15/2010

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As you can see you are not the only mom that feels this way.. lol! I have found a Mother's Day Out program that my son will start when he is 15 months... he loves to be around other kids. After seeing how much he loves kids and playing I feel like I am depriving him of the socialization that he wants. I am like you I don't want to put him in daycare or anything but this program is 2 days a week 5 hrs a day.. so prefect for me to go to the gym, go to lunch with friends, or mow the grass etc. I hope you can find something that makes you feel better for your sanity and your LOs sanity!!

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Justine,
First of all you are not worthless. What you are doing is the best job and believe me it is a job. I used to feel the same way and still stuggle with those feelings off and on. Right now you have some down time but when he gets moving you will be busy trust me. You might want to look into a home based business or maybe selling things on eBay. Something you could do when he is sleeping. Don't feel bad for asking for some alone time. He is good for you to leave your son with his dad for a few hours. It helps them bond.
As for friends, I have a friend whose husband is in the military and when she had her first baby she got involved with a mom's group on base. Just a thought for you. Plus they do mom's night out like once a month. If nothing is like that on base look into a MOP group (mother's of preschoolers) You can start when they are young.
Hope this helps you. Please feel free to ask me any questions. Hang in there. You are still in the adjustment period. Don't feel worthless. Remember this is your highest calling is to be a mom. Have a great weekend. Kristina

Ashley - posted on 05/15/2010

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I am in the exact boat you are in. My son is 10months and he is a hand full. But I sit alot just watching him play. I think it is a good idea that you get a job or get out and do something.. I am gong back to school. Except this time i am going to beauty school for fun.My husband sleeps until he has to get ready for work. works all day, then is tied when he comes home. so we dont do anything. Very boring. I would wait until your child is 1 before you put him in day-care. Then you can get a part-time job. Work for a couple of days. Plus your child interaction with other kids is very beneficial to their development. So it benefits both of you. If you dont want to get a job then put him in daycare for an hour or two a couple times a week and take that time to have "me-time." it will help you get rejuvenated and you can meet new people. I live in a family place/ military. Except all the mothers are older than me and they dont really want to talk or hangout withme. I have tried the play ground thing. It didnt work for me. Good Luck on What ever your husband and you decide.

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You need to get out of the house, you have cabin fever :) Joining a mommy & me class would be great for the both of you. There are places like my gym & gymbroee that have really reasonable prices & no waiting lists like private run mommy & me classes.

It wont always be this easy. Im not a S@HM, I work on my husbands days off & I often feel like you do. I think you'll feel better getting out of the house & taking some classes with the baby, it will be great for both of you.

Tina - posted on 05/14/2010

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Justine,

It is great you have the opportunity to stay at home with your son... It sounds like you definitely need me time and you don't need to feel guilty about it.. we all need me time...as we become parents... the me time is less and when you do get it..whether its an hour at home alone soaking in the tub or an hour on the phone with your best friend... it is time you apprecitate and need.. believe it or not as your son gets a little older he will need his time away from you and your husband... when you feel it is appropriate.. I suggest putting your son in day care one day a week... he will be socializing and having fun ..while your doing something you need to do for yourself.....
Tina

Erica - posted on 05/14/2010

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I went from being in the Army, to getting married and becoming a SAHM. I have done it for 16 years. My husband is military and we make do with the one paycheck. My husband told me early on in our marriage, work if you want to, but don't feel like you HAVE to, you have a full time job now that you are a mommy and I am ok with it if you don't want to work outside the home.
(I did have a job in 2000 while hubby was in Saudi Arabia, but it was a seasonal thing and ended after a month. )
What is your most favorite thing to do? Do you like to read? Do cross word puzzles? Draw? If you did a puzzle for 12hrs a day 7 days a week, no matter if it was your favorite thing, you would still want to take a break. Same goes for your "me time". And don't feel guilty about wanting your husband to tend to your child, as it helps him bond as well.
Do not consider yourself worthless either! You have had 9 months of the toughest job under your belt. Maybe you could consider talking to someone about how you feel. Please don't misunderstand me, I do not mean anything negative. I dealt with postpartum depression and it took me a while to realize that it was not normal for me to be feeling worthless and sad all the time.
I hope you get the advice you need and the help you are looking for from Circle of Moms! It is a great place!

(I hope I made sense. I just had our 3rd child 2 weeks ago and am a little sleep deprived! Feel free to contact me with any questions!)

Jackie - posted on 05/14/2010

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Don't be so down on yourself. You do ALOT more than you give yourself credit for. You just wait until your nine month old is 12 months old and running arounf terrorizing the house! You'll find your spatula in the bathroom your toothpaste in the den and your shoes in the bathroom. LOL. I do know how you feel though. Just because you don't work doesn't mean that you don't need adult time or time by yourself when you don't have to worry about your LO.



I personally work full time so the time I'm @ home, I feel even more quilty for wanting some Mommy time because I'm away from her all day. I spend 99.9% of my freetime with Allison but I need a break once in a while. And, so do you.



I might also add that's it's physically and mentally exausting to have to be "on point" 24 hours a day because that's what you HAVE to be when you're a mom. You have to have eyes in back of your head and don't forget to keep one of those eyes open when you're sleeping.

Gema - posted on 05/14/2010

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I soooooooo know what you mean. I am a stay at home mom of 2 beautiful girls. I love being at home with them yet feel bad because I can't contribute financially and my husband works a whole LOT. He also goes out every thursdays to play poker, he says thats his stress reliever from work. I get upset and he understood that and has decided to just go for 2 hours; so that's been working for us. The only thing with that is that I don't have no "Me time". Everyone at home depends on me. Cooking, cleaning, everything. So because of that (not being able to have me some "ME TIME" I do miss working, just socializing period. But like I said before I can't imagine leaving my girls with anyone else. It's tough. Hey maybe we should hang out :) I moved from California so I don't have no family or friends out here so it does get pretty lonely at times when hubby is at work

Sammie - posted on 05/14/2010

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Im a S@HM and I fully understand where you are coming from. My husband works nights (12am-8am) and sometimes I would get angry with him because he don't help me with my 16 month old daughter.. She recently started daycare so now it's not that much of a problem. But, little things bother me and I do feel guilty after.. What I realize is men think just b/c u stay home all day your relaxed n don't need no help. Talking should help.

Ashley - posted on 05/14/2010

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I understaind the wanting to go back to work and the worthless feeling of being at home. I hate the idea of sending my son to a babysitter. but I have no choice. We cant affored for me not to go back. So what I suggest to you is, why dont you get a part time job. Work a few hours a week. It will help you get out and meet new people. Plus that way your son will only be at a babysitter for a short amount of time and not very often. Plus he gets to meet people that way as well.

Jennie - posted on 05/14/2010

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u could get a job from home, im not sure how those work but im a working mom and i would much rather spend every second with my daughter.. she was at the sitters for her first tooth, word, crawl.. i missed it all and it really upsets me. wen i come home its mainly me taking care of our daughter and i acutally wouldnt have it any other way.. except wen im trying to do laundry, dishes, make supper, feed her, and clean all while he sits on the couch.. thats wen i want me time...

Shikha - posted on 05/13/2010

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dont feel guilty about staying home. we only dont get paid but we work hard as well.hubbies do work hard but we r in the same situation day n night.24 hrs with the day of course u need 'me time'. my baby is only 10 weeks old but my hubby always pushes me to go out with friends and he will take care of him.but i cant right now coz i am healing my fractured coccyx. i also feel like that coz i have always worked and it gives ur self confidence and control over ur life. now i am at home and feel everything is lost.

but at the same time understand this is the other phase of life that we always wanted..to have kids.. so enjoy even if u dont do much at home. let ur hubby know how u feel maybe u both can work things out.

find stay at home mums in your area., see if they have any baby groups u can join, take up a hobby or something for the bubs to do like swimming lessons .

good luck

Tajma - posted on 05/13/2010

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Hay Justine
Find small thing throught out the day you can do for you. Polish ur hands and feet, do a facial, make a nice lunch 4 urself, do a work out CD or go for a walk. a little goes a long way. Even try to include the little one.

Amanda - posted on 05/13/2010

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Get a job @ a restaurant. you'll make friends instantly & you'll have flexible hours so u only have to work 1-2 days/ week. get signed up with local park district programs that involve mommy & baby so u can interact w/ other adults while he interacts w/ other kids.
I would LOVE to stay @ home b/c i dont really trust anyone to take as good of care for my child as i would. Daycare 1-2 days/ week would be good exposure to build socialization skills for him too
and dont EVER feel guilty about needing "me" time. Everyone needs it!!!!

LILIA - posted on 05/13/2010

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If I could have afforded it maybe I would have stayed home indefinitely with my kids. But I stayed home one year with each of my two children then I went back to work. There are those moms who want to work and be a mom. And there are those that just want to be a professional domestic stay at home mom and that's it. And they love it. And have no desire to join the work force either. And there's nothing wrong with that. They take serious pride in it too like a professional would their job. I know several of that type. They say they feel so lucky to be at home with their kids and glad they dont' have to deal with professionals and the public and multiple dramas and personalities in the office professional or work environments. I personally loved being able to stay home with my kids. But I also needed challenge--that challenges my mind. (Well that's an understatement because kids do just that to you! LOL!) I like my work it keeps my mind sharp and I like being in the professional world loop, but I also love being a mom. I couldn't be a stay at home mom. I knew I would want to go back to work and I did each time. Of course it helps to have a husband to work that out with. What I'm trying to say is. What do YOU really feel like doing? If you have a profession you miss..or love, you can love your child and family & you can love a profession and have great friends too. I do. I love my kids. (they're 32 and 22 and two grandchildren 11 and 12). But I also love what I do as a professional. We all have different levels of energy. I have lots of energy. I'm a grandma now but won't hesitate when my kids ask me to join them bike riding, running around a tree, quick game of crazy 8's. But that's me. So you should enjoy your child. I personally feel thee most critical time of a baby's developing life is the first year. Actually every single year of their life is critical and precious. But to me at least the first year is critical for bonding. You'll never lose it either. Trust me. As long you never forget you have kids and you never forget to show them you care because they truly do survive off your love. So you should go to work when YOU feel ready and comfortable with it and with leaving your child with family or day care. Because that's a tuffie whenever you decide to do that. You might want to mention to your hubbie or boofriend too how you've been feeling. That helps. But you're not worthless. That is one thing you clearly are not.

Mary - posted on 05/13/2010

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It hard I know... I just started working from home... it allows me to talk to people and slowly start feeling important again... at the same time I can be home for my childern. You too can do this... trust me you start feeling better....let me know if you want to know what i started doing from home. I would love to help you...

Sharon - posted on 05/13/2010

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You're used to being more active in your life and not being a rather passive observer.



You're used to outside validation.



I have a rather strong personality and never actually felt useless or doubted my self worth but sitting around the house 24/7 practically just about killed me.



Take your "me" time. Do it without guilt. Or try to do it without guilt.



I work part time for a few hours a few days a week. One woman I work with, works less than that. 4 or 8 hours one day a week and she's happy with it. Its not the paycheck, its the getting out of the house and getting some outside validation.

Kristy - posted on 05/13/2010

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I have four kids and over the past 17 years I have been all of the above mentioned. It isn't how hard you work or don't work at home, it is the isolation you feel from the outside world. You are blessed with the finances to be able to stay at home with your son, and at his age, that seems to be a decision you and your husband made for your family. Enjoy it! You feel like you have it easy but you are a mother, home keeper, cook, laundry service, errand runner, grocery shopper, taxi driver, doctor appointment keeper, you do alot more then you realize you do. And everyone needs a break. There are mother's day out programs offered at churches that will give you a few hours a week me time. Maybe look into taking a class an evening or two during the week.. something you have always wanted to learn but haven't had the chance? You mentioned that your husband is military, are there other wives on base that are in a simular situation as yourself? You sound very understanding of your husbands spending alittle down time out of the home, i am sure he would be equally understanding to your need for some too. and it would be a great opportunity for him to have some one on one time with your son.

JuLeah - posted on 05/13/2010

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Every mother is a working mother. Humans were not meant to live in isolation. Is there a way for you to have a 'play group' with other mothers? Yah, you have a baby, but they nap and you chat with others in your situation.
It ought to be the most revered profession in the world, raising a baby. But, it is under valued and under appreciated.

No one does well in an environment where they are under valued and under appreciated and have too much time on their hands.

There are many volunteer options out there where you could take your baby with you - you and another mother could open a day care center in your home .... faith based activities might be an option.

What you are doing is the hardest job on the planet. Yah yah yah, your husband works hard, but I promise you, he wouldn't last a week in your shoes.

Sam - posted on 05/13/2010

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im a s@hm right now i just had a baby about 2 weeks ago and its easy right now because my husband is off of work til this coming monday then im on my own by myself. it should be interesting cus ive had him here with me for the first 2 weeks but i know everything will be okay :)

Amy - posted on 05/13/2010

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No matter how "easy" you have it as a SAHM, you need a break too. I am a SAHM and even though my son is 2 1/2 and is really great. My husband and I had a fight the other day and I ended up talking to his mother about it all and just dumping on her about everything. She told my husband what I said and that he should give me a little "me" time every once in awhile. Every mom needs just a little time to herself that doesn't involve making sure you have enough diapers and wipes and bottles and sippy cups, etc. It does wonders for stress. I went to the library this morning by myself and it was wonderful.

Shannon - posted on 05/13/2010

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Try doing a mommy meet up group!! It will keep you from having to go to work and be away from your son and it will help you to meet other mommys and make friends. I'm a full time working mama and I would LOVE to be a S@HM, we just can't afford it :(

Anne-Marie - posted on 05/13/2010

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Hello, I am a frist time mum, i stayed at home with my son until he was about 13months old then went back to work. I know how u feel being at home all the time and not havin many friends or getttingout much, i am the same. My partner goes out a lot and i know how u feel. Now that i am back at work its hard because i dont get to see my baby grow up, and someone else is raising my child but i am young and me and my partner want to buy a house so i need to work so we can save and we are also getting married next year so i need to save for that too. My son Aiden isnt in a childcare centre he is in family day care which means he goes to someones home and looks after him there with a maximum of 5 children. i fend it better then childcare centres.Aiden loves goin g there in the morning and he has so much fun. Its hard leaving him there butt i need money so that i can buy nice stuff for our little family

Terri - posted on 05/12/2010

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I was a Military wife(of a Constantly deployed man) also when I had My oldest Daughter. I started watching Neighbors children,for extra money & became Friends with thoes Mothers.

Kathy - posted on 05/12/2010

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I was a sahm when my daughter was born. One child is so easy. Keeping house for 3 is easy once you get a routine down. Sounds like you got it down. By the time my daughter was one, I was ready to tear my hair out! I so didn't want to put my daughter in day-care, but I had to do something. The walls-ohh those damn walls just seemed to mock me. I told my husband that I had to do something. I needed to go to college or get a part-time job. I did both!!!! He hated me cooking at a bar but it paid for gas to drive back and forth to school. I went to school at night and worked part-time on the nights I didn't have school. Guess who didn't get to go out no more. Yup Dad had to do more than just work. I kept the house work up, took care of our daughter during the day, study, do homework, have supper done, go to work or school. Then I got a real job. By then we had people lined up to watch our daughter. I got a good paying full-time job with awesome benefits. We rented a house. Had our son. He got a great full-time job. We bought a house. Recession hit, he got laid-off. But thanks to that great job I got 13yrs ago, I got it. Now he is a sahd. LOL How do we manage? Well when we were both working full-time, We used day-care when necessary. Now school or our teen daughter. We both take care of the house with the childrens' help. We all pull our weight. Our teen cooks, our 7yr old wants to. LOL We are a team, a family, we take care of each other.

Brandy - posted on 05/12/2010

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In order for you to be a better mom and wife you have to have you time going to the gym, spa or shopping by yourself will give you just a little time to feel better once every two weeks maybe once a month is good don't feel worthless sounds like you take great care of your husband and son! You just juggle it better than most moms do!

User - posted on 05/12/2010

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I would go bonkers if I was a s@hm. However, I also wish I didn't have to be away from my kids every day all day. Just get a part time job or something to get out of the house once a week. It is difficult to balance work and home. My house is always a mess. I pay 470 per week for daycare for 2 kids!

Stina - posted on 05/12/2010

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I'm a SAHM of 3 and work as an accompanist/organist at my church. I also watch another child occasionally to make a little extra money.

Over the last 5 years, I've worked part time, full time and then returned to doing whatever I can to stay home with my kids. I plan to return to work when my youngest enters school.

The work is yet to come- The first year, before they start walking and talking, is the easiest and if you are able to stay home and want to, do it. It will pay off. I had to go to work for a while when my second child was 18 mo and when I went back to being a SAHM, I found I already didn't really know my child or how to best handle her tantrums and misbehavior. It took a while to figure her out- I was shocked at the revelation that I didn't know my toddler.

The first 5 years of a child's life set the stage for the rest of his life. As an infant, you establish yourself as his source of security, love- you build a bond of trust that will help when he gets to be a toddler and you need to start laying the foundations of social and life skills that set your child up for success (or failure) This is important work and you are by no means worthless.

9 months old is a fun age. Are there any Mommy and me classes nearby that you could take him to? Those are great ways to meet other moms.

If you really REALLY want to go back to work, I understand the guilt of putting them in daycare. I hated that- but while I was working, I did enjoy it. Missed my kids, but enjoyed the time with my co workers. Is it possible for you to work only part time? While I was working, I found it frustrating to try and balance raising small children and taking care of ALL the housework during the week even though my husband was around. He helped but only on his days off. I did appreciate my days off and time with the kids more... but I always missed being home. I was never able to get over the daycare spending the best hours of my children's days with them- instead of me.

Shirley - posted on 05/12/2010

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one of our daughters stayed home at first and realized SHE AND HER CHILD were both better off if she was working.... She just felt better about everything and herself when she was working... and got to associate with adults... she tried staying home but just was NOT that happy... she went to work and was a better Mom, person, and wife... staying at home is not for everyone... dont' beat yourself up for not feeling like you WANT TO.... OR MAYBE get a part time job so you have the BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.... this comes from a GRANDMA

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I got tired of sitting around too. I changed that by getting busy. I started some new hobbies, joined a moms group (there are a ton that you can look up on meetup.com), started going to church more often, and found things in the community that my son and I could do. We have weekly playdates with my moms group, go to weekly storytime at the library and Barnes and Noble. I also joined the YMCA which has a drop off, Kidwatch, for the children. I can exercise alone and then we can go swimming together before going home. My husband is great and understands my desire to have a break. He doesn't mind taking over for a while in the evening. I know he works hard but I got over the guilt because I need "me" time. It's too easy to lose yourself. Hang in there. Your work as a S@HM will change as your child grows in age. Just wait until he starts walking!

Julia - posted on 05/12/2010

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I hear yea all the way.. I love my husband with all my heart. Men just dont see what we do everyday...weither its hard or not. we have to stay here with the baby and make sure everything is safe.clean.bottles ready.diapers changed.clean clothes..suppers cooked for husband/family.his clothes are clean.
Meanwhile we dont get to shower.comb out hair.have clean socks.EAT...
I tell my husband I will not be the one to be unhappy and it all fall apart. we have to work it out ...From time to time he will be home after supper and i will of course still have her all ready so all he has to do is put her to bed(he can do it.) but being a mom you know how it is. gotta make sure its done ... and then ill go shop for things we need and just brouse around and whatnot..or ill go with a friend to a movie...
You need to stand up too...We know they work hard. but what we do is hard too....Its not being mean. its being treated fair!!

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I only have 1 son and he is 8 1/2 monts old. I am like you in that I hated staying at home. I am used to always working and so staying at home was boring and I felt kind of crappy staying at home all the time. I just started school and my son has been going to daycare. He loves daycare because there is nothing he can't touch and he gets to play with the other babies. I am also happier because I am doing something other than being mommy. My classes are only half day so I get to pick him up at 1:30pm and spend the rest of the day with him and go to school which makes me happy. Don't just tough it out. Go back to work if you really want to, even if it's only part time.

Brandie - posted on 05/12/2010

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its not a break realy that you are looking for... its adult time! spending 24 hours a day with a child will do this to you! dont get me wrong its great that you get to spend that much time with your child.. but sometimes you need to socialise with someone your own age.. there comes a time when coo to your little one while playing with baby toys just isnt enough conversation! you should definately not feel guilty about it at all, it is the very reason i returned to work. maybe find a daycare that will take him a few hours a day once or twice a week. volenteer somewhere, do something..lol. dont feel guilty about sending your child to daycare for a few hours a week at all, it will actually be good for him! you how you need adult time... well kids need time with kids there own age too, and daycare is a perfect place for that! As well as if you do ever decide to go back to work full time that transision will be so much easier for him having not always being glued to your hip all the time...

Marcella - posted on 05/12/2010

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well, i'm not a stay at home mom or even married...i'm a single, struggling mom. and, i understand what you're going through. sure, you may not have a lot to do, but it's very routine what you do on a daily basis. and, at some point, it does get tiring. so, don't feel bad about asking to have some 'you time". because, at the end of the day, you don't want to feel like you missed out on doing things that you want to do, and you don't want to compromise your sanity. cabin fever is never fun! lol i hope i helped!

Teree - posted on 05/12/2010

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Honey, do what your heart tells you. I myself have four kids, but there all older now. I was lucky to stay home with my kids. I did do daycare when they where young and when my youngest started school, I started volunteering in the kids classes and became a teacher-aide.
Don't ever feel bad for wanting time alone. I wish I would of done it myself, but never did. Now that there older I give myself pamper time. My husband is a duck hunter. So I am always home. Babies are hard work. Your doing a good job:) I don't work now, because we had to move, plus I have back problems.
Take Care and go get your nails done. Make yourself feel good.

Nicole - posted on 05/12/2010

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I have three kids and stay at home. I have recently started working from home for a wellness company and work when I can and when it fits into MY FAMILIES schedule. If you would like more info message me and I would love to tell you more about what my team and I do!

Elizabeth - posted on 05/12/2010

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Im S@H during the day...and then I work 2-4 nights a week at Payless ShoeSource...It gives me time to myself, and time with Adult conversation...And that way I feel like Im contrubuting. It also gives my hubby time with the kids to bond and such without me. I work from 530-close which is 9 here...so the kids arent in daycare and we still have 3-5 days with family time. Whether you financially need to work or not...you may need it mentally. Or some other way to have time to yourself. And you shouldnt feel guilty about it.

Diedra - posted on 05/12/2010

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I was a military wife and stay at home mom for 4 years, I totally understand what you're going through! While I loved staying home and getting time with my babies, sometimes I just felt so useless and trapped! I found a home based business that totally suits our needs: I can work when I want to, make a little extra "me" money, and still be there for my kids!

Kristin - posted on 05/12/2010

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When I was SAHM with just one child, I would take him to the library for story time, local parks, meet up with friends for lunch, took a couple of classes for parents and kids (ASL for babies and a Mommy & Me type of class). It was very easy to take care of just the one in retrospect, and I did slip into a routine that left me with lots of free time while my husband was at work. I actually had to force myself to break up the big cleaning day into smaller chunks across the week, and forced myself out the door to go do those other activities I mentioned above. I met a lot of other mom's who were feeling isolated since having their child. It didn't happen immediately, but after a few encounters we started talking more and more. Then came play/coffee dates with these other moms.

It's a tough decision to make between staying home with your child and going back to work and doing grown up stuff that stimulates you. To this day, I sometimes want to go back to work. I know doing that would be easier for me, but I also know that I would really miss them and all that they do. The reality is taking care of our home and our children is a full-time job. I just don't get paid in a tangible way for it. But, hugs and kisses aren't taxable either. I have flat out told my husband that I need to have some time to myself to recharge. If I don't get it, I don't have enough for ANYBODY else, including him. I don't ask for hours and hours. I got to an Orchid society meeting in my area once a month for a couple of hours after dinner and right around bedtime for our kids. It took a while for me to not be kind of anxious about what was going on at home. But, just as the time alone is good for me, their time together without me is just as good for them. Our boys now have a much stronger bond with their father than they ever did when I was home all the time.

I guess my bit of advice for you is this. First, get out of the house more. Just go to the park or a museum or the library, it's good for both you and your son to see and do new things. Second, you deserve to get a little time to yourself, so talk to your husband about it. You aren't asking for a two week vacation in Bali, it's an hour here and there to get a hair cut and a pedicure, or have lunch alone, He may be much more understanding than you realize. Expecially if you tell him how resentful you are feeling about his getting to go out with his friends. Comparing what you both contribute is like comparing apples and slices of cheese.

I won't say sticck it out, you are obviously unhappy. But, rather than make a really big change you don't want to make, maybe make some smaller changes that stimulate you and involve your husband in the raising of his child more. Try that for a while and if it's still not enough, then revisit going back to work and daycare with your husband. Good luck.

Sandy - posted on 05/12/2010

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hi! I am also a military mom! go to familt servisces, there are MOPS groups on most bases, here is also usually a reading story time at the library, there are many things to do to get out there and meet others, and on base it is very easy to volunteer, they will even pay for daycare for you to vomunteerWhich i know isnt what you want, but this is how easy they make it. good luck!

Rebecca - posted on 05/12/2010

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Have you considered taking in 1 other child your sons age to care for and make a little bit of money to contribute? You may not need the money but it would be great for your son to have a friend to grow with. I too am a military wife and i sold my business when i was PG with our second and i decided to take in kids. It was the best decision i made. We didn't need the extra cash by any means, but i didn't want my son to lack in social skills because i wasn't working and he wasn't in day care. Give other children the same car your son gets and the care you would expect him to get if he was in childcare.
Sit down with your husband and go over how you feel. Yes right now you might feel that way, but trust me, once he gets going and getting in to things your life wont be so easy and you'll wish for these quiet days back. You do deserve time out for sure. Whether you "work hard" in your mind or not you deserve it! Staying at home all day with a baby isn't easy. In fact it can sometimes be down right depressing. You don't have adult conversation until your husband gets home and all you do is change diapers all day. I don't blame you one bit for wanting to get out once in a while. For me i go to the gym 3 nights a week. I wait until the kids are in bed and then i go for about an hour or so. I know it's not much but it's my time and i don't care if i have to spend it working out. I'm not a big party girl so to me this is as good as it's going to get lol.
You're doing great and don't feel bad for getting mad at your husband if he goes out. He sees adults every day...you don't. Tell him how you feel and you need a more stimulating conversation besides someone blowing raspberries at you all day long...even though it's cute:)
Good luck!!

Heather - posted on 05/12/2010

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I started a home-based business, and I get to continue gardening, volunteering, etc. in addition to making a difference in my kids' lives and the world. :)

CarrieAnn - posted on 05/12/2010

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Hey cutie pie...I understand what you mean on the worthless aspect. Here's a couple of thoughts..have you thought about seeing if there are other mom's that do have to work and need help with their kids? Maybe take on 1 or 2 more so your son has playmates and you are helping others while earning some funds. Something else I just recently discovered was my passion...helping others. I am involved in NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) due to my teen being diagnosed. Because I'm getting involved, I can volunteer my time...they have classes I get to go to for free and support groups. Maybe an organization that would interest you and allow you to volunteer. Your "worth" value becomes far greater than the paycheck you could ever receive going back to work. Maybe try that in your local community...I'd be curious to see how awesome you were in doing that and who all benefits from your time and energy you have!! Hang in there! Big Hugs!

Sherry - posted on 05/12/2010

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Man oh man do I know where your coming from. I'm on disability and my husband was laid off over a year ogo due to econnomy issues here in Alberta (he's a welder by trade) Doesn't want to work to far from the city because of my medical issues (can't say I blame him) He also takes care of our son during the mornings as I'm a night owl but refuses to wake me so I can switch the schedule around for myself... It's hard being deaf and gimpy (my legs have problems) But I'm willing to work those problems or find some kind of work that allows me to deal within my boundries...

Useless is definitely a feeling I know well... He keeps house before I can get to it, plays with our son and basicly takes care of everything.. it can get a little frustrating sometimes.... Especially when I tell him to plant his arse somewhere and let me do SOMETHING... I grew up where mom takes care of home and house and family, daddy brought in the money.. and did the fixer upper stuff around the house (like drywall, reno's etc)

The girls have it right.. try volunteering somewhere.. offer to do a bingo, create a day group, or something that that effect.. keep me posted.. I'd love to know what you came up with.

Kimberly - posted on 05/12/2010

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Everyone, regardless of the situation, needs "me" time

I got laid off in December and when the time came to get called back, the business had been sold and bought by new owners that felt my job wasn't necessary. Even though i'm collecting unemployment, my sweetie has been working overtime to make up the difference in pay. He knew, though, how much I needed a little me time and is paying for me to go back to my Tae Kwon Do class. I hated it that he was working the extra hours, but he felt it was only fair since he is playing golf and buying equipment.

It's wonderful to have a little time to myself, away from the house and be able to talk to other people...plus working out to get all the extra weight off that I had put on since December. Everyone in the house has noticed the change in my mood.

Some suggestions would be to swap babysitting with another trusted family and take a class, learn a new hobby, go shopping or simply take a walk...Me time works wonders!

Lauren - posted on 05/12/2010

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im a stay at home mom to a 15 month old and my partner works nights so tends to sleep mostly through the day, at the beggining it didnt bother me so much as all she did was sleep too so i liked doing my house bits, cleaning then having time 2 myself b4 the partner got up and we did the parental duties together but the older she gets the harder is became and i started 2 resent all the sleep he got when i got none and felt like i was getting no thanks for the things i actually did in the home even though he was bringing on the money. i felt bad asking him to stay up and hour or 2 just so i cud get abit of sleep.
my daughter is very active now and things are more difficult for me but my partner makes the time 2 spend time with her when shes awake and hes home because he feels he misses out on the new things she does and experiences so when he is playing/feeding/bathing her i make sure i sit down and put my feet up for those few minutes......
i dont plan or feel like i want to go back to work yet coz i love spending time with her and im so used 2 the way things are i guess i would be lost without her.
x

Zita - posted on 05/12/2010

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((hug)) it gets better, trust me. When I married I moved from Ireland here to California where I knew nobody except my husband. None of his family live anywhere near us. In Ireland I always worked, and kept busy even after having my eldest son. I can so emapthise with you and your situation. My husband was away all day working and I was home alone with my son. For me I had two adjustments, I was used to working and meeting people and having adult conversations, I was also used to the satisfaction I got from my job and at the end of the day going home to my son and that life. Now that I was in California there was no job, because our choice was for me to be home with my son and our subsequent kids I never got that break away from my job as Mom and wife. It kinda felt like I lost a piece of myself. Yes I understand the guilt you feel when you want a break at times, but you know its more like you want a routine or having to be somewhere some times. So what did I do? Well I talked with my husband, and he said he can't make me happy thats a choice I have to make for myself and to be honest that was not what I wanted to hear. However he was right. For me, I did and do a few things. Find a mother baby group in your area and join it. Maybe its once a week or whatever. Go to meetup.com and search for groups in your area. Another thing I did was start to work from home around my kids so now I feel much more connected to things and yes busier but its good to have things to do in my diary. My work has also allowed me to connect with other Moms and people all over the US and I have made some real friends that way also. Now that my daughter is older we go to the YMCA,maybe u have one nearby? There are swim lessons, free daycare while you work out.

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