Myriam - posted on 11/11/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )
Let me start, My sons father and I were together for 6 years. He was my soulmate,the love of my life! The one I could see myself marrying . I've never loved so strong, never had such chemistry with anyone. Well we met in HighSchool (we were both 15)and stayed friends finally when we got older we started dating and the rest was history. (Wait let me mention during the years he moved away to MD we still stayed friends he lived there for 3-4 years before coming back at that time he fathered a child during a one night stand that I didnt find out about till after a year, madly in love at this point) Well after I got pregnant things started to change. Firstly when I told him I was pregnant he was out of town when I called him he said he would call me back yeah he never did..... any who he started to change he seemed more distant not so into. He refused to move back in me even though I was pregnant (he had moved out right before I got pregnant we had a huge fight and he moved out).
Noticeably in the back of my mind something told me hes not going to be there. (a womens intuition) When I was 5 m pregnant we were sitting in the car and he said to me our lives are going to change forever (again in the back of my mind I thought not your life my life is..)
Fast forward our son is born and he couldnt handle the waking up several times a night so he went and stayed at the place he had been staying and literally the first year I did it by myself he came after work maybe 4 times a week for an hour an hour and a half if I was lucky. sometimes 30 min... but we were supp to be together. At this time the frustration / lack of sleep (sleep was non existent the first year)
raising a kid on my own I would send mean bitter text messages I was frustrated with him for not helping! On the weekends he would go party get hungover and sleep all the next day while I raised our son. (Im ready to cry having to relive all this the hurt, frustration, love lost) My point of all this is , we were so madly in love, we still loved each other but now with a kid in the mix (he didnt want to be responsible) at this point I still loved him very much. I didnt want to fall out of love with him, what I mean by that we kept trying to work it out. But the more he didnt help the more he left me crying at home with the baby while he went out (he would turn off his phone so I would be home crying wondering if hes cheating on me) my strong love faded.......
Fast forward our son is now 3, (so much verbal abuse has happened nothing has changed he leaves all the time do I believe he's cheated on me by now with out a doubt )since January 2012 I've broken it off stop pretending to be with him so he can help(he helps more when were together but Im not doing it anymore) so now he bounces around state to state living / going / doing whatever he wants to do weve seen him twice this year. Once in March and he came down for our sons birthday. At this point Im not in love with him anymore. But in the back of my mind a very very small part of me wishes he would be a dad and we would be together .
Has anyone gone through this? How did you cope? After losing the love of your life...... I would love to hear other thoughts, experiences.
Were at the point we really dont speak (my choice because of all the verbal abuse its come down to) He claims he wants to get back together but its goes right back down to the horrible things verbal abuse, leaving during a fight(leaves for days or months), not being there for our son etc...
Im at a good place compared to before , when you first break up its hard to see your self with out that person Im passed that.
I think I just needed to vent, I dont really have friends, and my sister is a bitter bitter divorcee. So she has downed our relationship even when things were great between us. Plus again shes bitter right now, so any advice she has ever given me always steered me wrong. Or when I vent to her she just always has negative comments about anything. Instead of comforting. Any thoughts/ advice are appreciated!