Need advice from mums who have a new partner whom are not the father of their child/children

Imy - posted on 01/26/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi all :)

Im 20 years old and i have a 13month old boy, i started dating this great guy about 6 months ago, he is 22. the relationship is everything i have ever wanted. but i have a problem.

He does occasionally spend time with my son, and whenever i ask him to watch my son he also does that willingly. I was just wondering at what point in time do i ask him to be more involved and bond with my son?? or if i even ask, or if i just let him do it in his own time? he has never been around children before so i do take that into consideration also. My son doesnt see his real father at all, and i can see this new relationship lasting a long time so i would love for my partner to be the father figure in my sons life.

Your advice would be greatly appreciated :)

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Rachel - posted on 01/26/2011

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just let him do it in his own time so he doesnt feel like you are pushing him, i went through the same thing about 2 years ago and i just let them both take time to get to know eachother.

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Aenea - posted on 01/27/2011

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My story is the same Imy. When I met my guy(whom I am married to) my children were really young and their sperm donor(real father) was not that all in their lives due to he was in another relationship and have kids with her. Anyway I have 2 boys and at that time they were only 1 and 3. He has nevered been around children in a sense(dating someone who has them) on a everyday basis.
Since my boys were so young they automatically on their own stuck to him especially my 1yr old due to him not knowing at all the donor. My 3yr old new the difference between him and the donor. With my guidence and others in helping and showing him about being that role in their lives. I never pushed the issue about spending time with them, but I did kind of encourage it like if I was preparing dinner or something I would suggest playing catch with them outside or something like that. The 3 of them grew their own special bond together and have one with just the 2 of them separately. By me doing that my boys came to their own conclusion to call him dad and it touched his heart and he excepted the title cause he has no kids of his own. Now I have to get him to spend more time with them indiviual more cause one feel the other is having more dad time then them, lol.. They are now 12 and 14, feeling the same way as they did from day one. My husband has now been in their lives and raised them as his own for 11yrs working on the 12th. So Imy just let it do its thing and enjoy what's happing in the moment. Trust it will happen before you know it. Hope I was some bit of help..

Kiera - posted on 01/27/2011

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I think u should jus let it happen. It's the easiest way to deal with things. Let him and your son build their own relationship not based on your relationship wit your spouse.

Imy - posted on 01/26/2011

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Ok thanku for the advice. Yes the last thing i want is for him to think im pushing him. so i will let him do it in his own time

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