Need advice! My husband a do have been married for only a year and I am realizing I will never be his number one woman in his life. What would you do if you asked your husband to put you first and he said his mom will always come before you?

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Andrea - posted on 02/14/2014

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In that case if his mother was bad mouthing you, Then yes he should have a pair and stand up and say this is the woman I love and she deserve respect from you... I would be hurt as well if he didn't stand up for me either.. I agree to a point that a husbands wife and kids should come before most.. However it is nice to know MAMA BOYS still exist.. But back to her talking badly about you to your husband and family members.. That is uncalled for and very childish on her part.. She should have more respect for her son and you... You made the right choice on trying to mind the relationship by make the first move, now your husband needs to say " mom I love you but I also love my wife and I respect her, as I want you to do the same."
We only ever had one problem, that was my mother in law trying to take over my house and my oldest sons room, on what we should paint it and put in it ect.. Well instead of saying something to her I said something to my husband who in turn told her how I was feeling, she call we talked it out and I explained to her that he was my son and I would be doing things my way and decorating his room the way I wanted it.. She understood and back off...
Right now your husband and mother in law have you in the middle, this is not fair to you at all...
May I ask if you and her had problems before you and your husband got married?
Don't be jealous, as her and I were close but my problems have been with husbands brother and sister in law and her kids... none of them seem to like me or our kids... very sad but only got really bad after mother in law passed... Time things will get better, he will figure out that he has to stand with you and give the support you need when his mother is bad mouthing you.. Don't let her know that it upsets you, just adds fuel to her fire and she will think she can be in the middle of your marriage and this will only cause problems with you and your husband... Happened to a friend of ours.. They uninvited their mother, sisters, brothers and ect. out of their marriage as they almost ended their marriage over everyone else point of view of what they should be doing and how they should handle Marital problems..

Tiffany - posted on 02/13/2014

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You are not harsh I completely understand where you are comingfrom. However in my situation there is a history of her talking badly about me to my husband and her family. When I confronted her she was extremely defensive and called me unrealistic names.... I know no one is perfect she or I however when all of that happened I called her because I wanted to resolve things and work on out relationship. When all of that was happening my husband wouldn't stand up to his mom .... So maybe I am still hurt I don't know... I think parents should always be a top priority in their childrens lives but when the kids grow up and get married and have kids of their own I believe there spouses and kids need come first. I am sorry you lost your mother in law to cancer. I know just how devastating it can be t lose someone to cancer . I am also glad that you had a good relationship with your mother in law. And a little jealous :)

Andrea - posted on 02/13/2014

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Be thankful...
My husband and his mom were very close.. When him and I got together 7 years ago. I thought it was strange how close they were, till I really got to know his mom and had my first child. I hope that I am half the mom she was and have half the admiration of my son that she had... We found we were having baby #2 and that the baby had Gastroschisis, 24 hours later the world crashed even harder My husband mom and dad stopped and said they need to talk, I was already stressed not knowing if my baby I was carrying was going to make it.. They sat us down and started by saying, we know you have a lot going on with the baby but your mom got some news today, I have stage 4 bio duct Cancer... I just cried, it was to much all at once, my husband he lost it, his first love his mommy was sick and didn't know how long she had.. Well our daughter was born at 36 weeks at 3lbs 8oz spent 6 weeks in the NICU all while his mom was fighting. We brought our daughter home Mother's day weekend 2009, Our daughter her first granddaughter got to spend 5 wonderful month with is mom and a week to the day after our sons 2nd birthday she passed away... I watched my husband fall apart and turn in to a little boy who just wanted his mom to hug him one more time to call him one more time to say I love you one more time... I hope my son loves me that much... So yes I hope my husband would put his mother before me, unless she is talking badly about me then he better have stood up for me.. I hope my sons will love me as much as my husband loved and love his mom... I hope my daughter looks at her daddy and loves him as much as a little girl is suppose to...
So in response to your question I would say nothing other then you have a wonderful man!!! Any man who loves their mom that much will always treat you like a queen... It may take some time, but you are his number one in a different way..
Sorry didn't mean to be harsh or rude.. But it took me having my son and watching my husband fall apart to realize just how special and wonderful a mother and son relationship really is... I never have wanted to be my husbands # 1 I want his mom and his kids to be # 1 with him forever... I know he loves and cares about me! The best thing you can do is never make him feel like he has to choose between you because the out come will be his mom...

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