Need advice on

Diana - posted on 04/21/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have read numerous comments on this site regarding the heart break and struggles one has living with/advising an adult child with Asperger's. (I don't know how to "join" that conversation.)
My husband and I are struggling!! Our 26 year old has finally graduated from college but cannot find full time work. He lives in our downstairs (apartment with its own entrance, kitchen, etc.) He has all of characteristics that accompany Asperger's (terrible personal hygiene; doesn't see the need to wash/vacuum car; dirty dishes in sink for days; leftovers in fridge for weeks) The "battles" we have are over these types of things.
He is highly intelligent, has friends who play Yugio and Magic card trading games, has never had a date yet longs to be married.
He is argumentative. His attitude brings out the "worst" in me. As parents, we can feel "hostage" to his attitudes. We can't "kick" him out because he doesn't have the means to live outside of our home. We love him dearly!! I grieve at the "waste" of his potential. I was a stay at home mom for the first 8 years of his life (and we home schooled him until 3rd grade.) He was funny, bright minded, and a joy to be around when he little. Something happened during his junior or senior year of high school. The whole situation grieves my soul!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/22/2016

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It does take a "bump". Once the ball is rolling, he should be more on board, because he'll feel that he's making positive progress

Sarah - posted on 04/22/2016

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Does he work outside the home at all? I agree that "helping" him tap into some resources for financial support with housing, healthcare and food would be a good idea. Help being the key word, don't do it for him. What did he study in college and what sort of work do you think he'd enjoy?
A lot of the behavior you don't like, is typical young adult behavior. If this was his own apartment and not part of your home, you'd probably be less bothered. Make some short term goals with him as part of his adult living contract; job interviews, laundry once a week, prepare his resume. Maybe once he gets his momentum going he will do better than you expect! Good Luck!

Diana - posted on 04/21/2016

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Thanks....We are in the process of making a "contract" for him...And yes, unfortunately I do harp on things that many young adults and adults fail to do...I admit I have a hard time with being realistic in my expectations. :/

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/21/2016

13,258

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Adults with Aspbergers are fully functioning adults.

Set out a contract for an adult living in your home, with reasonable time limits for him.

Tell him that he either DOES what he needs to, or he can no longer live in your home for free.

My adult Aspie's has been on his own, by his choice, since he was 19, and he's fine. You do need to remember that you are harping on things that quite a few "normal"(non spectrum) people do as well...the not washing/vacuuming the car...dirty dishes for days...leftovers...Some of that is his nature.

Diana - posted on 04/21/2016

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I need help in establishing realistic boundaries...to give him a time frame to try to find more work? Have him apply for Section 8 housing? Require him to do laundry weekly, wash dishes, car, etc???
He says that almost everything in his life "stinks" (s*cks) except his living arrangement...He gets very angry when we try to address any of these issues.

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