Need advice on 17 mth old twin

Mommabird - posted on 02/22/2015 ( 14 moms have responded )

280

0

33

I will try and give enough info here so maybe someone is able to offer their best advice.
My husband and I have 6 children all together. But I'm stepmom to 17 mth old twin girls. We had them 2 full days a week until they were almost 15 mths. Now we have them every other wed-mon. They aren't identical..in fact they are opposite in almost every way. My concern is one of them listens well, doesn't whine or throw fits, content most of the time, adjusts to changes like bottle to cup..milk to juice or water..falls asleep by herself without us in the room. The other twin only listens to daddy, he says No and she stops the first time, I say No and she stands there waiting for me to look away and she does it again..watching and waiting for me to say something, she whines at my feet 75% of the time she's awake, she hates water but I give it to her because she's the one with allergies..and always sick. She cries at naptime and bedtime unless daddy's home and all he has to do is say sshh and lay down and she stops and goes to sleep. I can do exactly what he does to a T and it never works for me. My question is how do you break the cycle..how do I get her to listen to me...and how can I keep from being stressed the whole time there with me?
Pus. Dad is off work the first two days there here but works night shift the rest of the time there here. So basically I take care of them the majority of the time.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2015

9,604

0

22

I noted in the OP that the "troubling" child has allergies. Is it possible that the is something that she is a exposed to that is getting overlooked. I had a little guy with food dye sensitivities, and he'd make me want to rip my hair out. Maybe a review of her allergies and restrictions is warranted? Just a thought.

14 Comments

View replies by

Mommabird - posted on 02/23/2015

280

0

33

We've considered that. She hasn't been tested for allergies yet because Dr says she has to be at least 2. Dr just says allergies because of symptoms like clear runny nose, sneezing, breathing problems. But besides allergies...within the last 4 mths she's had RSV, bronchitis, pneumonia, and 2 ear infections. Her bio mom is the one who takes them to the dr. She makes a point to be the one to take them and doesn't feel its necessary for anyone else to do it. So first hand..were only going on what she's told us. I know when theyre here the one with allergies and breathing problems sleeps in our room,in her crib, with a humidifier close to her bed. No prescription allergy meds so we give her otc allergy meds. Lots of water..(we suspect dairy allergies so no milk)even though it takes her hours to drink it cause she hates water. Healthy foods..no junk or sugars..and one cup full of apple juice a day. We try everything we can think of.

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2015

93

0

14

There is a book called Parental Guidance Recommended by Dr Louise Porter that may help. The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman may also help. I have read about a parenting approach called Circle of Security that also may address these issues. I have not done the course myself but the approach sounds good.

Mommabird - posted on 02/22/2015

280

0

33

Thanks Dove for the advice and encouragement to be consistent and patient. Only way to be any more patient would be to get on medication that makes me emotionless. Lol

Dove - posted on 02/22/2015

12,124

0

1353

Stubborn little monkey... lol Yep, you're just going to have to outlast her stubbornness. ♥

Mommabird - posted on 02/22/2015

280

0

33

But to answer your question Yes I do try and draw her attention to a toy or a sippy cup...she remains persistent on what she wants.

Mommabird - posted on 02/22/2015

280

0

33

Honestly..no...none of the other children tested my patience even half as much as she does. Her twin actually never does. I say no and she stops.

Dove - posted on 02/22/2015

12,124

0

1353

All kids are different and spanking (tapping, whatever) some kids is 100% useless as she is showing you... and yes, even though none of your other kids did this... sometimes doing the same thing over and over again even 20 times is perfectly normal. Do you just 'punish' for what she can't do... or do you try and distract her w/ another activity that she CAN do? Get her involved in another activity and she is less likely (though not guaranteed) to repeat the undesired activity as often.

Simply putting her down and saying 'this is not for climbing, but you CAN... (do whatever activity IS acceptable)' may work better than what you are trying, but you still might need to repeat it 20 times for her to stop.

Like I said... consistency and a LOT of patience.

Dove - posted on 02/22/2015

12,124

0

1353

You just deal w/ it consistently and w/ a lot of patience. She sounds like a very normal toddler. If she IS more attached to you... that would also make sense why she is acting up w/ you... because she is comfortable w/ you. Since she doesn't see Daddy as much as she sees you she is listening to him better... very normal (as would be the opposite... toddlers are strange and unpredictable creatures). What you are going through is no different than many, many parents of children this age. Having 4 other children have you never gone through anything like this before?

Mommabird - posted on 02/22/2015

280

0

33

I wonder if its the schedule change that has her acting out. For their first year of their lives when they were only here 2 days a week daddy was home those 2 days. Now that theyre here 5 whole days in a row every 2 weeks daddy works 3 of those days and its just me. Makes me wonder if theyre attached to me because I'm with them more yet for that same reason the one twin is having a hard time adapting to the change so she shows her emotions towards me..not him. Because she feels more comfortable with him being here. That's just a thought I had. I could be way off. I just know I can't change the circumstances so I need advice on how to deal with it.

Mommabird - posted on 02/22/2015

280

0

33

Idk. ..the one giving me a hard time is not attached to daddy as much as me. Everytime were both in the room she always comes to me..if he puts her in his lap she squirms to get to me. That's why I don't understand..if she's attached to me why am I the one she doesn't listen to?

Dove - posted on 02/22/2015

12,124

0

1353

She sounds like a fairly normal toddler who is very attached to daddy. You just keep at it. Be firm, but kind and patient as well. She'll adjust.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms