Need advice on being a stepmother.

Andrea - posted on 08/20/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




I am 20 years old..and still in college. Right when I enrolled in the summer of 2014 I met the love of my life. When he was 20 he had a son in a very non-conventional relationship...with a stripper. She's a vile woman with three sons..all of which she has zero contact. Samuel is a sweetheart..but at times i feel as though he doesn't accept me into his family by saying things like, "well you dont have the same last name as us so you're not really in our family" mind you, he is 7. But he doesn't even know his real mother so he has no one to compare me to other than his father's most recent ex. who hasn't made an effort to continue their relationship.. I've been with his father, Jet for almost 2 years now..and I still feel like I'm doing something wrong... I am stern with him..not letting him use bad table manners, and making him clean up after himself..But NEVER mean.. He never wants to hold my hand snd sometimes glares at me..HELP?


Sarah - posted on 08/20/2015




Due to the lack of consistency in the women in his life, I 'd guess he is protecting himself from getting emotionally hurt. Whether he knows it or not, he may be building a wall between the two of you in case you do leave. Probably the best thing you can do is to reassure him that you love him, and be consistent. Kids are smart, so far no mother has stuck around and he knows that may happen in this case as well. Hang in there.


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Candie - posted on 08/21/2015




Love what Sarah said!
Are you married or planning marriage? If so, you may want to look into premarital counseling and some sort of help for SS, as well.
My DH grew up always expecting to be abandoned, first by GFs then by me. It's affected his entire life. It took a decade of being married to me to be able to work through some of these issues. I'm not saying that's what your SS will go through, but these things affect children and it's best to help them deal with it earlier than later.

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