Need Advice on How To Help Raise a Child at 17

Seri - posted on 09/18/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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First off, let me explain my situation. I'm 17, my boyfriend is 21. His ex girlfriend is pregnant and due in November. I'm still in high school and I work a part time job, while he works the same hours as I'm in school, so we barely get to see each other as it is right now. Once his son is born, we're going to have even less time to spend together, because he'll need to be with his son and I understand that. But with the hours of the night that we get to see each other at, he's going to be tired and asleep or putting his son to sleep and we aren't going to be able to see much of each other. I can handle that for awhile, but the thing is, I graduate in May and then we plan on moving in together, but I'll be going to college and still working the same hours, so this will be going on for about a year and half. Not only will I not get to see him that often, but I also won't get to see his son that often. This really breaks my heart because I really want to be a part of his son's life and he wants me to be a part of it too and with me only being able to be around a few hours of the day, I'm going to miss a lot of his first two years. I really want to be there for both of them, but there's two big complications; One, I'm not going to have the time to be there for them and Two, I don't know HOW to be there for them both. I'm still only 17 and while I may be mature for my age, I'm not sure how to juggle a job, college, a boyfriend, and a child. I guess I'm just needing some advice from maybe moms who were young when they had their children, or who were still going to school and working while raising children, or maybe someone who's been in a situation like mine.. And help would be greatly appreciated.. 

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Raye - posted on 09/18/2015

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Turn and run from this guy. I am a step mom, and I came into it in my late 30's. It's SOOOO hard to deal with all the scheduling and the drama that you won't have any kind of personal time. You have so much ahead of you with school and just growing up, that you don't need this guy and a kid that's not yours adding more difficulty. I think you're setting yourself up to fail if you try to stay with him. Cut ties now.

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Dove - posted on 09/18/2015

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Actually I'm thinking that there's no way 'I' would get involved w/ a man having a child w/ another woman and have to deal w/ that stress and drama for 18 years... and I'm almost 39.... It's not worth it for a man you haven't even been dating for a year... no matter how old you are, but especially because you have decades and decades of life left to live.

You may not be looking for the type of advice I'm giving... but when you post in a public forum you don't get to dictate the type of advice you are given.

Seri - posted on 09/18/2015

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Dove, I really appreciate what you're saying, but breaking up with him is not an option I'm looking at. I love this man a lot and I really do plan on being with him potentially for the rest of my life. I know I'm still young and you're probably thinking that I'm too young to be planning my whole life like this, but I want to make this work with him. I'm not looking for people to tell me that I'm too young for this and that I need to break up with him. I'm looking for advice on HOW to do this. And how to make it easier.

Dove - posted on 09/18/2015

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I wouldn't do it if I were you. 17 and in high school dating a 21 year old who is about to become a father? If his ex-girlfriend is still pregnant that means the two of you have not been together long enough for you to turn your entire life upside down for this man. Honestly I think it would be best for you if you break up and focus on school and YOUR life... and eventually start dating a guy (maybe someone once you get to college) that doesn't come w/ so much baggage.

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